For My Own Eyes

[Rico]

Originally Posted by Book 'em Dano

Wow. I've been Apostolic for more than 20 years and I have never been consumed in my every waking thought of going to hell. I don't know anyone else that is either. Why do you think that happened that way?

I've wondered that myself, BeD. I have a theory. It sounds to me like she was being buffeted by a spirit of condemnation or something.

[Book 'em Dano]

Originally Posted by Rico

I've wondered that myself, BeD. I have a theory. It sounds to me like she was being buffeted by a spirit of condemnation or something.

I noticed you mentioned she still has faith. If that is the case then perhaps what happened really shook her faith

[Rico]

Originally Posted by Book 'em Dano

I noticed you mentioned she still has faith. If that is the case then perhaps what happened really shook her faith

It seems like it. I find myself at a loss to really be able to help her because I know posting scriptures won't do any good. All I can do is find whatever I can to encourage her to press forward.

[Book 'em Dano]

It really is not an Apostolic thing.

Christians have been saying who is saved and not saved for years. They don't all say it with the same attitude though. They just speak matter of factly

[My Own Eyes]

Originally Posted by Rico

It seems like it. I find myself at a loss to really be able to help her because I know posting scriptures won't do any good. All I can do is find whatever I can to encourage her to press forward.

I was looking through some of my old posts (I REALLY wish I could access some of the ones at FCF & NFCF, I bet I sounded all spiritual and stuff, LOL)

And I found this, and I thought it would fit here. This is what I responded that I wanted on my tombstone :

http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...4&postcount=47

Mich....she said it like it was, she never gave up, and she made us all laugh through it all.

(I thought the middle part would encourage you )

[My Own Eyes]

First off, let me just say that the drama queen in me, is just loving having a whole thread that's all about me!!!

Originally Posted by bkstokes

MOE

What caused you to doubt?

Oh boy! Do you have 14 hours??

Originally Posted by bkstokes

Why didn't she answer the question?

I'm sorry, stupid real life got in the way, and I wasn't able to break free until now!

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

That's why I don't respond to your posts.

PO, honestly, I think I am much better than I used to be. In the beginning, I was very in your face and quite hostile about many things. I took a break for a while, and feel like I have made progress.

One thing to understand about me, is that if I KNOW that I trulyirritate you, I will actually do my best to keep our interaction as mild as possible. Because I understand that some people think I'm funny, and that some people don't get me, and I really have no desire to be a pain to those people.

Originally Posted by Book 'em Dano

Curious. Why? What informed you that there is a God/Jesus?


How do we do that?


I think non-Apostolics by and large would not consider you a Christian for rejecting the inspired word of God too

Originally Posted by Book 'em Dano

Wow. I've been Apostolic for more than 20 years and I have never been consumed in my every waking thought of going to hell. I don't know anyone else that is either. Why do you think that happened that way?

Originally Posted by Rico

I've wondered that myself, BeD. I have a theory. It sounds to me like she was being buffeted by a spirit of condemnation or something.

Originally Posted by Book 'em Dano

I noticed you mentioned she still has faith. If that is the case then perhaps what happened really shook her faith

So many questions to answer, and it's so difficult for me to do without writing several novels!

I think I can start by saying this...

I was flawed to begin with. I had plenty of issues before I ever stepped foot into a church. But then I came into a severely flawed spiritual situation. That is not an equation for healthy spirituality, you know?

After I left, I began the process of deconstructing my faith. It was like I knew I was wounded, but until I started the really poking and prodding at the wound, I didn't realize how badly it was infected.

For a long time I couldn't see beyond the pain. It was all I knew. It was totally all encompassing.

You know how when you are really sick, and after a few days you can't remember what it was like to not to be sick? It's like you know on one level that just a few days ago, you were physically healthy, but you almost can't believe it, because you can't remember what it felt like.

That's what it was like for me. The pain, the hurt, the bad stuff (whatever you want to call it), it clouds my memory. If there was ever a time when I loved God, without fear, I can't remember it. If I honestly ever did anything for any reason other than to not go to hell, it's completely gone.

People that knew me back then, can't believe that it was false from the beginning. Maybe it wasn't. Sometimes I think there is a little tiny glimmer in the recesses of my mind of something real and true and good.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by My Own Eyes

PO, honestly, I think I am much better than I used to be. In the beginning, I was very in your face and quite hostile about many things. I took a break for a while, and feel like I have made progress.

One thing to understand about me, is that if I KNOW that I trulyirritate you, I will actually do my best to keep our interaction as mild as possible. Because I understand that some people think I'm funny, and that some people don't get me, and I really have no desire to be a pain to those people.

I honestly haven't seen you change all that much. The "shock factor" doesn't interest me, but I love ya anyway.

[My Own Eyes]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

I honestly haven't seen you change all that much. The "shock factor" doesn't interest me, but I love ya anyway.

Ouch! That one hurt!

But to clarify...are you saying that I still sound viscious and extremely negative, and attack everyone who speaks to me...and must talk at all times about the abuse I suffered and how the church is horrible, how Pastors are all evil and how I wish I'd never heard of God in the first place?

Because that is what I was like a year ago. I was consumed with rage.

I thought I was so much better, because I don't feel angry any more. Sure I'm sarcastic and irreverent, and probably occasionally bitter. But I don't feel like I'm filled with hate like I once was.

Am I totally delusional?

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by My Own Eyes

Ouch! That one hurt!

But to clarify...are you saying that I still sound viscious and extremely negative, and attack everyone who speaks to me...and must talk at all times about the abuse I suffered and how the church is horrible, how Pastors are all evil and how I wish I'd never heard of God in the first place?

Because that is what I was like a year ago. I was consumed with rage.

I thought I was so much better, because I don't feel angry any more. Sure I'm sarcastic and irreverent, and probably occasionally bitter. But I don't feel like I'm filled with hate like I once was.

Am I totally delusional?

Girl,
I don't know you personally, so I'm not going to comment, although I'd like to!

I don't have any hard feelings toward you, I just don't read your posts. The only reason I read this thread is because Rico started it and you know that has to be interesting being he gets to the point - rapidly.

When you said you posted things for shock value, I just agreed with you.

Carry on....

And, BTW, I don't like your signature line.

Originally Posted by My Own Eyes

Ouch! That one hurt!

But to clarify...are you saying that I still sound viscious and extremely negative, and attack everyone who speaks to me...and must talk at all times about the abuse I suffered and how the church is horrible, how Pastors are all evil and how I wish I'd never heard of God in the first place?

Because that is what I was like a year ago. I was consumed with rage.

I thought I was so much better, because I don't feel angry any more. Sure I'm sarcastic and irreverent, and probably occasionally bitter. But I don't feel like I'm filled with hate like I once was.

Am I totally delusional?

Look up the scriptures about Pastors and what will happen to them when they do wrong and don't repent.

I had problems with pastors and the things they have done, but on one Sunday morning in Sunday School class, God used the teacher to show me what He is going to do with Pastors that do the saints wrong. It is an eye opening experience to say the least.