Manipulators: Why do they do it?

[Pro31:28]

Originally Posted by Praxeas

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Treffert1.html
Manipulation is usually attempted using power, unsolicited helping, rescuing, guilt, weakness, and/or dependence, in order to achieve a desired outcome. For example,

1) Power – physical, verbal, intellectual intimidation or threats, put-downs, belittling, withholding of things needed or wanted. The goal is to be in a “one up, I am right and you are wrong” position;

2) Unsolicited helping/rescuing – doing things for others when they do not request it, want it, or need it; helping others so they become indebted, obligated, and owe you. The goal is to be in the “after all I have done for you, and now you owe me” position;

3) Guilt – shaming, scolding, blaming others, attempting to make others responsible, trying to collect for past favors. The goal is to be in the “it is all your fault,” or “after all I have done for you and now you treat me like this” position;
4) Weakness/dependence – being (or threatening to become) helpless, needy, fearful, sick, depressed, incompetent, suicidal. The goal is to confuse want with need, with the message “if you do not take care of me, something bad is going to happen and it will be all your fault” position.

With manipulation, there is a physical and emotional response, such as a heightened level of anxiety or irritation, although it may not be perceived as such.

Manipulation feels like a struggle or contest, not free communication. The reason is the manipulator is always invested in the outcome of a situation.

I think number 3 is the one that I, personally have seen the most. I have a grown family member who will literally pout if she doesn't get her way. Even if it something as simple as not going to their restaurant choice after church. I feel like in this case, many manipulators have done it for so long, that it becomes like breathing to them. It is automatic. It can be changed, but they must want to change.

From what I have seen manipulation is a sign of extreme insecurity, this is how they get the world to function in thier own little way. Despite the lives that get run over in the process...