5 Things AFF Doesn't Know About Me!

Pressing-On · #1 02-03-2009, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

LOL! I understand the not telling. I feel kind of weird telling these things too. But it ticks me off the way I was made to shut up when I got into the church, so I guess I'm rebelling!!! LOL!!

It does feel weird - Sort of like I'm talking about someone else. It's been so long ago!

Sherri · #2 02-03-2009, 09:54 AM

Wow. I feel a little bit like "Goody Two Shoes". I would never have guessed this kind of stuff from reading all of you gal's past posts on here. I have never had a cigarette or a drink of alcohol. I have been very sheltered, I guess. For that I'm thankful. But I'm sure not boastful. But for the grace of God...........

ILG · #3 02-03-2009, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri

Wow. I feel a little bit like "Goody Two Shoes". I would never have guessed this kind of stuff from reading all of you gal's past posts on here. I have never had a cigarette or a drink of alcohol. I have been very sheltered, I guess. For that I'm thankful. But I'm sure not boastful. But for the grace of God...........

Nothing wrong with that!! Actually, I would wish that for everyone.

iceniez · #4 02-03-2009, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sherri

Wow. I feel a little bit like "Goody Two Shoes". I would never have guessed this kind of stuff from reading all of you gal's past posts on here. I have never had a cigarette or a drink of alcohol. I have been very sheltered, I guess. For that I'm thankful. But I'm sure not boastful. But for the grace of God...........

I wish I grew up knowing this life,I regret alot.I weep because of alot of my past.I know God forgives me but My past sometimes haunts me.

ILG · #5 02-03-2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

It does feel weird - Sort of like I'm talking about someone else. It's been so long ago!

LOL! Yeah! In some ways, it's like, let sleeping dogs lie! If I told this stuff to my co-workers, they would hardly believe it!! And, I'm afraid I would lose their respect. But, I let myself talk about it here a little, because I'm still ticked at how people judged me harshly!! I have kind of a two edged view of people like I was. Part of me feels like I worked through all that and they are just going to have to too. They need discipline and time and teaching. I feel impatient with them....maybe because I don't feel anyone was very patient with me. I'm not sure how to. I am tired. But, on the flip side, I feel great compassion because so many people don't have a clue how hard it is to go from one culture to the other. It is incredibly difficult. I used to be very jealous of people who were raised in the church....feeling they had everything given to them on a silver platter. Now, I know that's not true. But, it seemed that way at the time.

Pressing-On · #6 02-03-2009, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

LOL! Yeah! In some ways, it's like, let sleeping dogs lie! If I told this stuff to my co-workers, they would hardly believe it!! And, I'm afraid I would lose their respect. But, I let myself talk about it here a little, because I'm still ticked at how people judged me harshly!! I have kind of a two edged view of people like I was. Part of me feels like I worked through all that and they are just going to have to too. They need discipline and time and teaching. I feel impatient with them....maybe because I don't feel anyone was very patient with me. I'm not sure how to. I am tired. But, on the flip side, I feel great compassion because so many people don't have a clue how hard it is to go from one culture to the other. It is incredibly difficult. I used to be very jealous of people who were raised in the church....feeling they had everything given to them on a silver platter. Now, I know that's not true. But, it seemed that way at the time.

Even though I have some regrets - I have never regretted not being raised in church. I'm glad that I can see both sides.

Where we are in the world now - it's hard for any group of people to not be touched by some form of tragedy. It changes the complexion of the church, producing more compassion. God has a way of opening the eyes and hearts of every man for His greater purpose.

ILG · #7 02-03-2009, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Even though I have some regrets - I have never regretted not being raised in church. I'm glad that I can see both sides.
Where we are in the world now - it's hard for any group of people to not be touched by some form of tragedy. It changes the complexion of the church, producing more compassion. God has a way of opening the eyes and hearts of every man for His greater purpose.

Yes, I did regret it at one time, but now I am definatlely glad to see both sides. It took me a number of years in the church to eventually come to the understanding that just as it was hard for me to understand church culture, it was hard for the church culture to understand me. It was hard because, of course, I was expected to change and the church felt it had already arrived at a certain pinnacle of knowledge and understanding. This placed me (and it does many people) at a serious disadvantage. But, I had an internal knowledge that if I just kept my face to the grindstone that things would turn. And they did. We can't change anyone but ourselves. That's pretty much the bottom line to that.

Pressing-On · #8 02-03-2009, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

Yes, I did regret it at one time, but now I am definatlely glad to see both sides. It took me a number of years in the church to eventually come to the understanding that just as it was hard for me to understand church culture, it was hard for the church culture to understand me. It was hard because, of course, I was expected to change and the church felt it had already arrived at a certain pinnacle of knowledge and understanding. This placed me (and it does many people) at a serious disadvantage. But, I had an internal knowledge that if I just kept my face to the grindstone that things would turn. And they did. We can't change anyone but ourselves. That's pretty much the bottom line to that.

Can you correct my typo since you put it in bold? It should say, "I have never regretted....." LOL!

When I look back, and this is just me, it wasn't the church that was hardest on me. I was hard on myself. I wanted to feel like I had been good all of my life and that I had no baggage to contend and wrestle with. It was me that, at times, wanted to reach back and hold on to things that I needed to let go of. I can't fault the church on those points.

ILG · #9 02-03-2009, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Can you correct my typo since you put it in bold? It should say, "I have never regretted....." LOL!

When I look back, and this is just me, it wasn't the church that was hardest on me. I was hard on myself. I wanted to feel like I had been good all of my life and that I had no baggage to contend and wrestle with. It was me that, at times, wanted to reach back and hold on to things that I needed to let go of. I can't fault the church on those points.

I can't say I felt that way. I felt like I was constantly pushed to deny what I had been. That's just my experience. In saying these things, I am not saying that the church didn't mean well. But, to put this into perspective, Larry Booker came out of the church I did. He used his testimony all over the place and by the time I came in, I think the church was plain sick and tired of hearing bad boy stories.

Pressing-On · #10 02-03-2009, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ILG

I can't say I felt that way. I felt like I was constantly pushed to deny what I had been. That's just my experience. In saying these things, I am not saying that the church didn't mean well. But, to put this into perspective, Larry Booker came out of the church I did. He used his testimony all over the place and by the time I came in, I think the church was plain sick and tired of hearing bad boy stories.

That could be true. tbpew is correct. We have to be careful how we present our past. I know we joke here about some things. I'm much more careful in front of my kids and others.

I think it also has to do with leadership. I've seen a big change in how church is being operated, as opposed to when I first got in. If God had not sent men to preach to me, woke me up with a song or scripture, gave me dreams, moved me to continue walking - I would have walked away a long time ago. So, I do know some of what you feel.

To this day, I cringe when I think of Lufkin - although I like being there; see a book printed from WAP - I've ordered books from them. It's like going back to a place with some bad memories. Some memories are bad, many have been good.

On my relationship with God and church people - As I grew in Him, which allowed me to worship freely and He used me in the gifts, gave me knowledge, etc, I didn't see people look at me as an outsider. So any feelings of inadequacy I felt, it was coming from me. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and will always be harder on myself. I'm less of a perfectionist as I get older. lol! I am looking at dust on my curio cabinet as I type knowing I will not dust it today. LOL!