Self Help Book Suggestion?

missourimary · #1 10-08-2010, 09:42 PM

http://www2.psy.unsw.edu.au/Users/rr...ain%20ride.pdf
Another good article on the affects of ostracism, as compared to aggression and acceptance. It doesn't offer outright ways to deal with it, but a person might get some ideas on how to handle their own situation from it.

The first three pages are very revealing. The charts throughout the paper also have some very good information.

When people shun me, I write and talk and imagine. I imagine arguing with them and telling them off, even if I couldn't in person. I talk to others about the problem, and I write about the problem, coming to some sort of resolution at some point of either what I could do differently in the future or an understanding of what I did right. I also tend to focus on what the other person might think or feel and how my actions might impact their behavior. I didn't realize how much control that gave me until reading that paper.

One thing I've noticed... It's the ones that I smile and wave at that ignore me and act like I don't exist. When I don't notice someone, they are more likely to say hello... especially if they get the impression that I'm ignoring them. I'm not good at ignoring people, and don't recommend it, but the more your friend gets out, gets involved with other people, and enjoys him/herself, the less the shunning will affect him/her, and the less the person will probably actually be ignored.

SeekingOne · #2 10-08-2010, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missourimary

http://www2.psy.unsw.edu.au/Users/rr...ain%20ride.pdf
Another good article on the affects of ostracism, as compared to aggression and acceptance. It doesn't offer outright ways to deal with it, but a person might get some ideas on how to handle their own situation from it.

...the more your friend gets out, gets involved with other people, and enjoys him/herself, the less the shunning will affect him/her, and the less the person will probably actually be ignored.

Being shunned isn't so painful to those that leave Homestead, it would be more like running into your favorite blood relative and not being able to go up to them, hug them and things like that. You are reminded that you can't ever go to their house again, share holidays and special occasions, have them over for dinner, and share the love you have for each other ever again.

They feel pain too, they are just doing as they are told, and some don't shun but it doesn't ease the pain. It is easier on them though, because they still have the 100's of relatives that they can be with, they only lost a few people, and they believe that you will return if they treat you the way they are taught. They have hope, you have none.

crakjak · #3 10-09-2010, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

Being shunned isn't so painful to those that leave Homestead, it would be more like running into your favorite blood relative and not being able to go up to them, hug them and things like that. You are reminded that you can't ever go to their house again, share holidays and special occasions, have them over for dinner, and share the love you have for each other ever again.

They feel pain too, they are just doing as they are told, and some don't shun but it doesn't ease the pain. It is easier on them though, because they still have the 100's of relatives that they can be with, they only lost a few people, and they believe that you will return if they treat you the way they are taught. They have hope, you have none.

There is a family in our church that escaped from Homestead, they are doing wonderfully. They seemed to be so free, and very in love with the Lord.

SeekingOne · #4 10-09-2010, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crakjak

There is a family in our church that escaped from Homestead, they are doing wonderfully. They seemed to be so free, and very in love with the Lord.

Did the wife finally come to her senses? Did Homestead Heritage finally just tell her that she would have to leave her husband if she wanted to continue to go to Friday night meetings?

Also, they don't live in Waco, so they are free from daily reminders - running into everyone at every turn every day. They also do not have family members still there that they are not allowed to see and talk to.

Praxeas · #5 10-09-2010, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

Did the wife finally come to her senses? Did Homestead Heritage finally just tell her that she would have to leave her husband if she wanted to continue to go to Friday night meetings?

Also, they don't live in Waco, so they are free from daily reminders - running into everyone at every turn every day. They also do not have family members still there that they are not allowed to see and talk to.

JWs do the same thing. For me running into them around town would not bother me. In fact that would be an opportunity to show them what the love of Christ is really about.

However the husband/wife situation is bad and unbiblical

crakjak · #6 10-09-2010, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekingOne

Did the wife finally come to her senses? Did Homestead Heritage finally just tell her that she would have to leave her husband if she wanted to continue to go to Friday night meetings?

Also, they don't live in Waco, so they are free from daily reminders - running into everyone at every turn every day. They also do not have family members still there that they are not allowed to see and talk to.

Don't know how it transpired, but she seems to be very happy now, the girls also seem to be fitting in, though the still dress very conservative, uncut hair and all.