Why I Hate Debate So Much.

[The Matt]

Originally Posted by bbyrd009

I don't know about you, but I come here to change my mind; I'd have to list Dordt as someone who has changed my mind, actually, and we might be read as being barely civil to each other. Our opinions are quite different on many issues; but I would consider it a loss if I got no reply from him.

Admittedly, we tend to be quite sure of ourselves in this country, and often don't debate very well. I think this reflects a general level of frustration, maybe, that I note lessens as time goes by, toward replies especially. You are relatively new to this format, yes? You will have a different view, I think, after another year of it. One learns, hopefully, to read what is meant rather than what might be said; and those that do not, or have not yet, needn't be engaged?

But don't be deceived that your light doesn't shine
despite a snarky reply...and examine them all for truth, imo.
Tough to upset someone with something that contains no truth.

I don't know exactly why I come here anymore. It changes as I come here different times. Sometimes it's to just be around friends. Other times it's to lose myself. Sometimes it's to channel emotions no human being with a right mind could understand. Other times it's to be understood. Sometimes it's to be heard. Sometimes it's to hear. Sometimes it's for advice. Sometimes it's because I feel so strongly about something that I have to be heard. And sometimes....it's just to have a place that I can call my very own, other than the little cage I'm trapped in that's known as the human mind. I have a thousand different thoughts at the same time sometimes, but I'm still human, and can only process one thought at a time. Right now, that thought is I have an apology to make. I don't think having the mind of Christ has been a particularly high priority on my list as of late. I've been quite angry, and not someone who I normally am. I'm scared to let myself express at most times, because when I let myself speak like my mind wants to speak, this is exactly what happens. I lose control, I say whatever thought is currently on my mind, my emotions become twisted, I take things personally, I become paranoid, and it feels like every single person I interact with is against me in some way. You could say something as simple as "I love you" and I suspect a hidden agenda. So anyways...here's my apology.

Houston, I apologize for the way I reacted to what you said. I have no excuse for my actions. I am the scum of the earth. What you said could have been taken one of two ways, and I, like a fool, chose the worst possible way. After considering how what we said to each other went down all night, and my conscience eating a hole in my heart, I realize that more than likely, you had no ill intention in saying that. I just felt like you were using what I confided (foolishly) to this forum in a malicious way. I have a way of taking things personal when something sensitive like that is spoken about. I don't deserve it, but I ask you to forgive me, please.

I guess in a nutshell....when I was young, I was thought of as brilliant. I was adding and subtracting before I was in kindergarten. When I was in second grade, I knew things that kids in sixth grade struggled with. I was destined to be a doctor, or something great like that. I was going to do things. And now...the weight of the world came down, reality set in, I'm not brilliant anymore. I'm diagnosed with various things, and I'm not even normal enough to cope with life without the aid of medication. From what I was to what I've become to where I'm headed....You have to admit, if you went from being a king to a begger rapidly, your mood wouldn't be the greatest either.