Hazardous Pentecostal Testimony Services

Nahum · #1 04-07-2008, 01:33 PM

A pastor, quite conservative, and firmly convinced women should never wear britches, and men should only wear britches, makes it his priority to teach this principle quite often from the pulpit of his rural country church.

He integrates this fine principle of Christian discipleship in each of his new convert courses.

Sister Patty Pentecost, new to the whole church scene, finally gets "the revelation" that a woman in pants will split the pit wide open.

So...the next Wednesday night, smack dab in the middle of testimony service, Sister Patty stands to speak. Voice trembling, and hands raised, she blurts out the following statement.

"Church I'm so thankful for my pastor. He's the only one who has ever been able to get my pants off me."

This is a prime example of a testimony service gone bad.

Any other examples?

deltaguitar · #2 04-07-2008, 01:38 PM

Living in the Mississippi Delta we have our share of poor country folks. Well this old sister who loved God with all her heart stood up and said, "Well, pastor. I have been going throught some trials and God sent me a song on the radio that said "help me make it through the night" and I listen to that song over and over and I know God is going to help me make it through the night."

Nahum · #3 04-07-2008, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deltaguitar

Living in the Mississippi Delta we have our share of poor country folks. Well this old sister who loved God with all her heart stood up and said, "Well, pastor. I have been going throught some trials and God sent me a song on the radio that said "help me make it through the night" and I listen to that song over and over and I know God is going to help me make it through the night."

OMG!!!!

Hilarious.

Jack Shephard · #4 04-07-2008, 01:45 PM

True story. My church in TN had a lady that would always testify at the wrong time in the service. She was a sweet lady so the Bishop let her go and usually they were fine. One Sunday she stood up and testified that she fell and hurt herself, but her dog walked over and prayed for her and spoke in tongues and God helped her get up and walk again after hurting herself. After this we realized she was losing her mind, but the straw that broke the camels back was when she had been on her meds for a while and started getting better it seemed. One night she testified that she met this young man that sold her some herbal medication (pills). They were extremely legal and nothing was wrong with them except they person told her there was no need in taking her heart meds and her 'head' meds. Well that did not fly very well and basically she stated that was God healing her. Bishop told her that this man was wrong and she needed to take her meds and almost rebuked her (she did need it) then told her to bring the herbal meds to church that night and he would take them and throw them out.

Bad testimonies, but I guess it was good for her to tell the lastone cause it might have prolonged her life. I do remember her trying to testify during Bishops messages and him having to tell her to sit back down, but mainly those were after she was far gone mentally.

DividedThigh · #5 04-07-2008, 01:48 PM

little lady as sincere as she could be, used to get up and testify every week, devil been bothering me all week bless his holy name, we were carnal so we sat in the back and sniggered, lol, dt

James Griffin · #6 04-07-2008, 01:51 PM

I remember a one sweet lady visitor testified, and then stated she needed prayer because she felt she was losing her mind now that Sammie had walked out on Cindy.

Prayer insued for this couple and the lady.

After church it was discovered they were characters on her favorite soap opera.

rgcraig · #7 04-07-2008, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James Griffin

I remember a one sweet lady visitor testified, and then stated she needed prayer because she felt she was losing her mind now that Sammie had walked out on Cindy.

Prayer insued for this couple and the lady.

After church it was discovered they were characters on her favorite soap opera.

LOL! We had a lady do that once in church too. We all about lost it because we knew who she was talking about!!!

Pressing-On · #8 04-07-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James Griffin

I remember a one sweet lady visitor testified, and then stated she needed prayer because she felt she was losing her mind now that Sammie had walked out on Cindy.

Prayer insued for this couple and the lady.

After church it was discovered they were characters on her favorite soap opera.

I remember this older woman needing prayer for her sinus trouble. She said, "I just want you to pray that God will clear up this cr** in my throat".

Nahum · #9 04-07-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

I remember this older woman needing prayer for her sinus trouble. She said, "I just want you to pray that God will clear up this cr** in my throat".

Our pastor made the mistake of asking a new convert to testify right after she received the Holy Ghost.

Face covered in tears and glowing with the radiance of the Son she loudly proclaimed "Pastor, I just want you to know I'm sick of the devil's lies. When I get home I'm gonna throw that ************ television right out the front door!"

Pressing-On · #10 04-07-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

Our pastor made the mistake of asking a new convert to testify right after she received the Holy Ghost.

Face covered in tears and glowing with the radiance of the Son she loudly proclaimed "Pastor, I just want you to know I'm sick of the devil's lies. When I get home I'm gonna throw that ************ television right out the front door!"

Could you please fill in the blanks? I have so many ideas, I'm not sure which is the correct one.