Triple E's It's Ok to Laugh Thread

[HappyTown]

Triple E's It's Ok to Laugh Thread

I'll admit I thought this was a bra thread!!!!

[TRIPLE E]

Did you hear the one about the woman who begged her husband to take her somewhere expensive for a change? He drove her to the corner gas station.

[Neck]

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

[TRIPLE E]

Mark Twain was a distinguished-looking figure in his later years. One day he was strolling in the park when a little girl pattered up to him and asked if she could walk with him. Highly flattered, Twain told her stories for an hour, then gave her a nickel and said, “Now run along home—and when you grow up you can tell your friends you once walked with Mark Twain.” “Mark Twain!” echoed the little girl, bursting into tears. “I thought you were Buffalo Bill!”

[TRIPLE E]

One year, a man decided to buy his wife a different gift for Christmas.
He decided to purchase a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift for her.
The wife thought it was quite strange but she figured: “at least
We won’t have to buy one when the time comes.”

So the next year comes around and the husband did not buy her a gift this
time.

When she asked him why, he replied,

"Why should I, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!"

[TRIPLE E]

Did you hear about the guy that
bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas? A friend of his said, "I
thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he
replied. "But where am I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

[Neck]

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.


"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?"

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.

"Pete, Lu.

Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns.

This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody,
the Graham guy is saving everybody,
and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."

[Neck]

"How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?"

Whaddaya mean CHANGE??? That light bulb was given in memory of my Grandmother! My father installed it with his bare hands! He donated his time AND the use of his ladder to do it, too! My family's been members of this church for four generations! And if you think you're gonna come in here and make a bunch of changes all of a sudden, Pastor, you've got another think coming!

[Neck]

Preaching
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

[Neck]

Heavenly Rates
A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."

"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."

"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"

"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."

"Terrific!" says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."

"One point? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."

"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.

"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"

"Come on in!"