Death in the church

[George]

The ladies in our church provide a complete dinner (meat, salad, pasta/rice, rolls, drinks, desserts up to 120 people) for the family following the funeral. This is for members of our congregation that have an immediate family member pass. We do not expect any remuneration. There are always some people who will take dishes to the home on the days preceding the funeral.

People who complain about what they get or don't get are just stupid, ignorant jerks.

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by George

The ladies in our church provide a complete dinner (meat, salad, pasta/rice, rolls, drinks, desserts up to 120 people) for the family following the funeral. This is for members of our congregation that have an immediate family member pass. We do not expect any remuneration. There are always some people who will take dishes to the home on the days preceding the funeral.

People who complain about what they get or don't get are just stupid, ignorant jerks.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

[Pragmatist]

My grandfather was an active, faithful member of a church for 50+ years and when he died, no one from the church brought food for the family. We didn't complain, but we were certainly hurt and disappointed that no one seemed to care.

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

My grandfather was an active, faithful member of a church for 50+ years and when he died, no one from the church brought food for the family. We didn't complain, but we were certainly hurt and disappointed that no one seemed to care.

I can understand that. It would feel like no one cared.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by jaxfam6

For those of you with experience in this area, how is it that you handle the 'food' situation when someone passes away from your church? Do you have an organized group that makes menus and different ones then take on making and delivering?
I am very curious how different groups handle this. Do you feel it is an obligation of the church to supply the family with food at this time?

It all depends upon the bereaved family. Usually there's a Ladies Ministry coordinator who handles this or has delegated it to someone. If there was a period of illness then perhaps to assistance was already begun to some degree.

I definately feel that it is NOT an obligation of the church - but I do feel that it is a responsibilty. "Obligation" makes it sound like "you have to..." If (when) a brother or sister has passed away I want to help out in whatever way I can (which usually means keeping me out of the kitchen).

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by Sweet Pea

AMEN!!!!!!!!!

It's funny now - but at the time...

We had a fellowship dinner after the morning service and there was a lot of food left over. At the evening service a family of travelers came by asking for "help." After church I loaded them up with what we had - but all they really wanted was cash.

The woman looked at the salad and angrily declared, "This doesn't even have dressing on it!!" and then threw the salad at me.

Nice folks.

[ChTatum]

Our ladies group leader handles this, under pastoral direction. I first find out if the family would prefer a "meal" or rather have people just bring in food.

In my experience, most families prefer food being brought in instead of providing a meal for the family. In a time of increased grief and obligations, we do not add an obligation to attend a meal unles it is the family's desire.

[Margies3]

Originally Posted by pelathais

It all depends upon the bereaved family. Usually there's a Ladies Ministry coordinator who handles this or has delegated it to someone. If there was a period of illness then perhaps to assistance was already begun to some degree.

I definately feel that it is NOT an obligation of the church - but I do feel that it is a responsibilty. "Obligation" makes it sound like "you have to..." If (when) a brother or sister has passed away I want to help out in whatever way I can (which usually means keeping me out of the kitchen).

It also depends on the church itself. In our case, we have a congregation of younger people. So it's not a hardship for us to make a dish for a funeral dinner or to help serve and clean up for one. But my friend attends the Methodist church that we used to be a part of. That congregation has dwindled down to only a small handful of people. And 99% of them are over 70! So it's much harder for them to do a funeral dinner.

In their case, they offer salad and desserts. That's it. If the family wants something more they have to bring it in themselves.

And in our case, we don't actually "charge" for the dinner. Like I said, we will tell the family what our costs were and they usually want to reimburse that. But it is not required. In the case of the Methodist Church, they charge a specific amount, even tho all of the food is donated. To each their own I guess!

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by Pragmatist

My grandfather was an active, faithful member of a church for 50+ years and when he died, no one from the church brought food for the family. We didn't complain, but we were certainly hurt and disappointed that no one seemed to care.

To me that is so sad - and there is absolutely no excuse for that happening. I can certainly understand your hurt and disappointment. Maybe there is a lesson here we could all learn.....

[Sweet Pea]

Originally Posted by Margies3

It also depends on the church itself. In our case, we have a congregation of younger people. So it's not a hardship for us to make a dish for a funeral dinner or to help serve and clean up for one. But my friend attends the Methodist church that we used to be a part of. That congregation has dwindled down to only a small handful of people. And 99% of them are over 70! So it's much harder for them to do a funeral dinner.

In their case, they offer salad and desserts. That's it. If the family wants something more they have to bring it in themselves.

And in our case, we don't actually "charge" for the dinner. Like I said, we will tell the family what our costs were and they usually want to reimburse that. But it is not required. In the case of the Methodist Church, they charge a specific amount, even tho all of the food is donated. To each their own I guess!

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around "charging" a grieving family in my church for food donated to be used as a meal for them..... ???? I agree with a previous poster - I don't think we should feel obligated - but it is our responsibility to minister to those in grief - and feeding them is a way of ministering... JMHO

BTW Margie........ how is Justin doing? He has been so much on my mind. (Don't mean to hijack the thread - I just thought of it.)