Starting With Me - Page 2

rgcraig · #11 03-09-2010, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AQuietPlace*

Raising children is so much more complicated than I ever dreamed it would be!

But, what a blessing too!

I cherish that my children still come to me for encouragement, advice and direction.

Now, I'm going to have that grandchild to spoil rotten and let them raise!!!!!

Baron1710 · #12 03-09-2010, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Oh my Lord, Baron!!! I feel your pain! I wanted to rename my daughter "Linus" for that cloud that followed him! LOL! I have never seen someone that could do so many things wrong, attract the most unsavory people, and always at the most inopportune times! LOL!

What I learned to do was to look past that and find her strengths. I had to force myself to do it because the things she messed up were so bad, it was hard to see the forest through the trees! LOL!

She is an awesome person and very accomplished. If not for that, I would have stayed in bed with the covers pulled over my head! She had to find out EVERYTHING for herself. EVERYTHING!!!

Now I look at her and I know that if something is going to get done and get done right, she is the person to call. Just get out of the way in the mean time. LOL!

Look for his strengths and you will find that grand child that you know you raised and are raising. If you don't do that, it will harm a part of him and your relationship as he is developing. You don't want to look back on that part when he's finally in his twenties and you have much more in common than you ever dreamed. Ask me, because I know.

I wish I could have seen the end from the beginning. I would have reacted so much differently! It was so much pressure, I almost could not bear up through it!

Today, it's all good. She's the ugly duckling turned into a swan. God is good!

Praying for you!

Being in the middle of it sure is tough.

Sometimes it does make you feel like a complete failure as a parent.

MissBrattified · #13 03-09-2010, 08:59 AM

Great posts, Renda!

Some things kids need to learn through experiencing the consequences. Obviously, you don't want them to learn what it means to be hit by a car by letting them walk out in front of one! LOL!!! BUT, it can be good for them to learn that a broken glass (because of a failure to listen to good advice) means have to sweep it up--twice--and wipe up the floor with a damp paper towel, and maybe apologize to the mother who may be a little upset because of the loss of a pretty dish.

Some kids do have a strong will and really will only learn through experience. They not only learn to avoid a particular behavior, but if they heard a parent advise them otherwise first, they eventually learn to take advice. If they have that personality, it's best to allow them to experience in the small things, so hopefully they will listen about the big things.

Try arranging circumstances and natural consequences. Say once, "If you carry too many dishes, you're bound to break one." And when it breaks, point it out--this is the perfect time for an "I told you so." Make sure there are consequences attached--not punishment, but the natural consequence of the event. In this case, it's clean up. So the parents don't do the clean up. Well. Unless he's so little, he might cut himself. Supervise, and let him sweep at least. I would keep finding microscopic things that need to be swept up for at least 5 minutes. LOL!!!!!

I also agree with Renda that most kids go through phases like this...it's not totally unique, even though some have a stronger will than others.

rgcraig · #14 03-09-2010, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron1710

Being in the middle of it sure is tough.

Sometimes it does make you feel like a complete failure as a parent.

Far, far from being a failure.

A failure wouldn't even be aware of the situation you are going through.

Continue doing as you are.......it will pass.

Pressing-On · #15 03-09-2010, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron1710

Being in the middle of it sure is tough.

Sometimes it does make you feel like a complete failure as a parent.

Yes sir, it certainly does!!!! When I see her on the platform worshiping with a sincere heart and a sensitivity to the Holy Ghost - it makes it all worth it! I try not to reflect back - it's just way too scary! LOL!

*AQuietPlace* · #16 03-09-2010, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgcraig

But, what a blessing too!

I cherish that my children still come to me for encouragement, advice and direction.

Now, I'm going to have that grandchild to spoil rotten and let them raise!!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron1710

Being in the middle of it sure is tough.

Sometimes it does make you feel like a complete failure as a parent.

Correct on both counts.

It is a blessing, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm hoping to make it through alive.

Baron1710 · #17 03-09-2010, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Great posts, Renda!

Some things kids need to learn through experiencing the consequences. Obviously, you don't want them to learn what it means to be hit by a car by letting them walk out in front of one! LOL!!! BUT, it can be good for them to learn that a broken glass (because of a failure to listen to good advice) means have to sweep it up--twice--and wipe up the floor with a damp paper towel, and maybe apologize to the mother who may be a little upset because of the loss of a pretty dish.

Some kids do have a strong will and really will only learn through experience. They not only learn to avoid a particular behavior, but if they heard a parent advise them otherwise first, they eventually learn to take advice. If they have that personality, it's best to allow them to experience in the small things, so hopefully they will listen about the big things.

Try arranging circumstances and natural consequences. Say once, "If you carry too many dishes, you're bound to break one." And when it breaks, point it out--this is the perfect time for an "I told you so." Make sure there are consequences attached--not punishment, but the natural consequence of the event. In this case, it's clean up. So the parents don't do the clean up. Well. Unless he's so little, he might cut himself. Supervise, and let him sweep at least. I would keep finding microscopic things that need to be swept up for at least 5 minutes. LOL!!!!!

I also agree with Renda that most kids go through phases like this...it's not totally unique, even though some have a stronger will than others.

The dish really is minor. The attitude problems, screwing around in class, avoiding everything he is supposed to be doing...

The thing that really bugs me is when he has consequences and then does the same things again.

*AQuietPlace* · #18 03-09-2010, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

I try not to reflect back - it's just way too scary! LOL!

You don't know what true fear is until you have a teenager. Fear of all of the horrible consequences that could befall them because of bad choices. Fear that you totally stink as a parent, even though you particularly tried to do a good job.

Consequently, you have to truly learn what it means to trust God.

*AQuietPlace* · #19 03-09-2010, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron1710

The dish really is minor. The attitude problems, screwing around in class, avoiding everything he is supposed to be doing...

The thing that really bugs me is when he has consequences and then does the same things again.

Yep.

MrsMcD · #20 03-09-2010, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron1710

The dish really is minor. The attitude problems, screwing around in class, avoiding everything he is supposed to be doing...

The thing that really bugs me is when he has consequences and then does the same things again.

This sounds as though you are talking about my 13 year old son. God bless you!