Did you mourn leaving the UPC?

[KeptByTheWord]

Leaving the UPC/OP mindset was like walking out on my family, and trying hard not to look back. My family goes back many generations of Pentecost with many in the ministry, as well as my husband's family, and it was not just leaving the church that hurt so much, but the hurt was compounded because it caused such a huge separation in our family. We had family members taking pot shots at every family gathering.... you just can't ever leave the OP ranks if you have a large number of family members still in it, and ever truly leave. Part of you is there, because your family is still there.

When we left the UPC, it was like a huge death and hole in our hearts, yet, we knew without a shadow of a doubt that God had led us to this place, and we weren't leaving God, in fact we were walking with Him to a deeper place with him, but it was to be a much more lonely journey.

We counted the cost before we left. I knew the price and the stakes were high. But once the scales had been lifted off my eyes, there was no going back.

And the Lord has been gracious and merciful to us through it all, and now, many of our family members have accepted the fact that although we left the "mothership", we haven't left the Lord, and most of them are more than a little puzzled at it all. Because most people who leave.... they turn to the world as if its their dearest friend, while instead, we have continued to pursue our relationship with the Lord.

So many in our family can't quite understand it (some do get it), but they do recognize that the love of God is still in our hearts, and so, with that, we have come to a place where most of the time we don't wade into those waters, but just accept each other as we are. It has been a tough time getting here, with a lot of really difficult moments, and conversations, but again, the Lord has been gracious to us through it all.

So... to answer the original posted question... yes, it was a very, very hard thing to do. It was *one* of the most difficult things I've done in my life. I've been through several transitions in my life that were tough, but yet, this was the most blessed time of walking with the Lord, and seeing His hand of provision through each step that we took. His mercy and grace have been with us through it all. Our relationship with the Lord is deeper, stronger, and more beautiful than before.

I don't know what the future holds. IF the OP ranks would quit attaching man-made stipulations to salvation, there is a great possibility we could go back. But, I don't know that I'll ever live to see that day.

There are many things that I miss, and many things that I shudder to think about from those days. It is kind of a split 50/50 thing, I have wonderful memories, and I have awful memories.

Real Realism... my advice to you is find your strength in the Lord for this decision. Count the cost, and be prepared to deal with the fall out of your decision, for it will be there. However, if following the leading of the Lord is important to you, and you feel this is of the Lord's doing, then you can follow HIM in perfect peace. I will be praying for you. I feel the agony of your decision, and know how it is. But I also know the peace that comes from the Lord that passes all our human understanding in the midst of these kinds of transitions. You and your family will be in our family's prayers.

[Praxeas]

And...,sometimes those that leave you behind treat you with disdain that seems at times like hate...it works both ways

[KeptByTheWord]

Yes, hate can flow both directions. With the Lord's help, I don't believe we should hate.

[Real Realism]

Originally Posted by obriencp

It's not an easy decision and I felt like I was set free, but was afraid to walk out of the "cell" so to speak.

Yes...I am feeling very deeply that we will miss the culture. It's ironic that the very things that are frustrating about the organization are what make it so closed off and exclusive. But that's the problem. I can't be a part of a cultural movement - I need to be part of the church. Not saying UPCers aren't saved (some are, some aren't, I'm guessing...), but for me, the culture is holding me back from exploring a deeper path in our Christian walk.

I don't go back generatins, but my father is a licensed minister in the UPC. It will be hard for them. But I have two siblings who are no longer in an affiliated church and have "liberalized". So it won't be a shock. I do feel like it will be a bigger adjustment coming from us, though.

Not sure what to make or expect from the church family. I'm torn up about the idea of leaving behind some great brothers and sisters. I don't think all will treat us terribly, but it will be a different relationship/friendship for sure if some do continue. I guess we'll see.

And fair point about attitudes going both ways. We're not angry or bitter toward those who stay. And we do consider them brethren. But time will tell if that feeling will be mutual (among the ministry, it may not be). We'd already been distancing ourselves from ministry for a couple years, so it's not going to be a huge shock...

[Dordrecht]

Christians usually bury their wounded alive....

[renee819]

Yes, I mourned. It took me a year to leave, the first time. I went back and tried again. Same thing but not as much. I still consider them, “my people.” because of their stand on the foundation. But I don't think that they consider me, as one of them.

[Sister Alvear]

I have never belonged to the UPC...so cannot give an opinion however it seems to me that many that leave have to join something...I have always wondered why...

[obriencp]

Originally Posted by renee819

Yes, I mourned. It took me a year to leave, the first time. I went back and tried again. Same thing but not as much. I still consider them, “my people.” because of their stand on the foundation. But I don't think that they consider me, as one of them.

well put, Sis Renee. I feel at home around OPs because I love the worship and emphasis on the word (although I don't agree with everything). However, you do still feel as though they've placed you on the outside when you do come around. It's almost as though they assume you'll try to start a rebellion... which usually isn't the case.

[Dichotomy Girl]

I think it was without a doubt the scariest, darkest time of my life. Though, I must preface it by saying that I was leaving not only the UPC, but Apostolicism, and to a lesser extent Christianity.

[BalancedLife]

Originally Posted by Real Realism

For those of you who deliberately left the UPC or similar organization, were you conflicted at the time of your departure or did you know with certainty what you had to do and rejoice?

We are at a crossroads and must make movement soon. God has opened doors for us to explore non-UPC, Acts 2:38 non-standards driven churches in our area. Churches we didn't know existed, but with a little digging and prayer, we've found a handful that seem to meet the criteria we've set.

And while we are currently frustrated with the UPC, we cannot help but feel sadness over the idea of leaving. Our hearts are heavy, and we don't make this decision lightly. It's proving harder to take that next step than I anticipated.

I left a similar oneness organization recently this year and it has been tough. For my wife more so than me since it was her church she grew up in that we left. There are numerous churches who believe the core doctrine but do not put an emphasis on outward standards (more than you think). The thing that has helped us more than anything is to cut social media ties with the people from the church, not seeing them in your Facebook or Twitter feed is a help.

It still hurts the way people treat us; since we still live in the same town, we will see people from that church in public and many of them walk by and do not even acknowledge us and treat us like an unforgivable backslider. Others (just a few) still stay in contact but they know our differences in belief of a few things do not and should not be grounds of friendship.

It's a tough decision to walk out the doors, but once you do don't look back. You will become intoxicated with the atmosphere and familiar surroundings (and the pressure of others to "salvage" your lost soul).