The Role Of The Man!

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by OP_Carl

You're not getting much traffic on this topic, are you Jason?

Christianity has been predominately female for centuries. Like it or not, we Apostolics have that in common with the Catholics, Anglicans, Lutherans etc.

Somebody here linked to an article recently that discussed the reasons why Christianity doesn't appeal to masculine men, and the reasons why the church has become feminized.

Modes and songs of worship have become feminized. The entire church experience is designed to provide a sense of security and comfort; it's designed to appeal to women. The rare opportunities for a masculine man to participate in leadership are usually already filled by the pastor, his family, and the church board. So just like in higher education, the masculine men decide, somewhat rightly so, that it's not geared for them, there's no place for them to grow, and they opt out and find something more engaging to do with their time.

The Muslims and the Greek Orthodox church have greater male involvement, but both of these faiths also preach total male dominion of the home and marriage(s).

Your more rowdy men are also opting out of marriage, since our feminized American society gives women the upper hand. Wives don't need to commit themselves to making their marriages work like they used to, since they know they can fall back on the full force of the law and the courts to coerce men into conforming to their wishes. Men, choose your wives carefully . . .

very true.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Hate-G.../dp/0785260382

[Jesuswins]

My husband has a hard time being the Spiritual head of our house and I think it is mostly because of how he was raised. He has a desire to become the Spiritual leader in our home and has promised me that he would put forth more of an effort towards that goal. He did not have any Spiritual leadership in his home growing up, so how is he supposed to know or learn? Even though he has been "in" the church for about 10 years now, spiritually he is still a babe and is satisfied in this place. I, however, was raised Apostolic and do consider myself the Spiritual leader of my home, but I'm not sure how to encourage him to take the role and step aside when his mentality is so different from mine. To me...it is not an option to just not go to church one night just because I don't want to. Plus I hold a position in the church that requires me to be there, but he does not understand my need/desire to be at every service. His spiritual desires and commitments come in spurts and are not always constant, it is very exhausting for me.

Any Suggestions?

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by Jesuswins

My husband has a hard time being the Spiritual head of our house and I think it is mostly because of how he was raised. He has a desire to become the Spiritual leader in our home and has promised me that he would put forth more of an effort towards that goal. He did not have any Spiritual leadership in his home growing up, so how is he supposed to know or learn? Even though he has been "in" the church for about 10 years now, spiritually he is still a babe and is satisfied in this place. I, however, was raised Apostolic and do consider myself the Spiritual leader of my home, but I'm not sure how to encourage him to take the role and step aside when his mentality is so different from mine. To me...it is not an option to just not go to church one night just because I don't want to. Plus I hold a position in the church that requires me to be there, but he does not understand my need/desire to be at every service. His spiritual desires and commitments come in spurts and are not always constant, it is very exhausting for me.

Any Suggestions?

Is there strong male leadership in your church? Are there very masculine men who love church and it's routine?

[OP_Carl]

Originally Posted by Jesuswins

My husband has a hard time being the Spiritual head of our house and I think it is mostly because of how he was raised. . . . His spiritual desires and commitments come in spurts and are not always constant, it is very exhausting for me.

Any Suggestions?

It's tough for a normal man to get all fired up and stay all fired up about settling into a comfortable, secure routine. To say nothing about feminized worship and church services. Where's the battle? Where's the conquest?

Your husband needs to find God's calling upon his life. Once he has a mission to fulfill, something that he can conquer and gain mastery of that he can call his own, he will begin to grow and go. He might find some role that supports the operation of your local church in some way. But you should prepare yourself, too, and be sure you really want and are ready for change. He also might whisk you past Sis. Alvear on your way to convert the cannibals of South America.

[Jesuswins]

Originally Posted by Stephen Hoover

Is there strong male leadership in your church? Are there very masculine men who love church and it's routine?

There are very Strong leaders in our Church and he looks up to and respects both of our Pastors.
We just completed a marriage coarse lead by one of our Pastors and it was during this time that I expressed my need for him to "step up" and by the end of the coarse he agreed that was something he wanted to do.
But I need to learn how to encourage this without "nagging".

[Sister Alvear]

Some from a woman´s view:

Well, someone told me if I walk into a restaurant if several families were eating together and the men are all seated at one table and women at another it is the ACI if they are sitting as families it is the UPC! And it was not told in jest they were serious...
I posted teasing...but I do think teachings along these lines are very important and DEPENDING how it is taught brings good or bad results. WE need good Bible teachers not offensive men that all they know for anointing is spitting in a mike...
I do not have to worry about having a good husband that is kind but some pastor´s wives I know I would hate to be in their shoes.
For example and I have seen things like this a lot after church we went to their house for a "snack" and after he was out of hearing she said to me, "Sister Alvear, I love you so much and if I had known you were coming I would have cooked something nicer...but my husband never tells me anything". She went on to tell me "church wise" she knew nothing much that was going on.Yes, he is a MACHO man...but a poor family leader.

There may be things Brother Alvear does not want me to know but I doubt it. We pray together over problems. We plan things together and until we all learn God´s plan we are going to see more homes destroyed by lack of communication.
Women tend to see details men seem to see a overall view. So we need both views. One pastor told me, Sister Alvear my wife is kind of dumb church wise. I didn´t say anything just smiled but I thought, takes a dummy to marry a dummy...
There is usually a reason if the wife does not respect her husband...Christian women respect men that pray, men that are godlike in their relationships.
Brother Alvear and I have been married for this year will make 35 years.
We are from different countries and live in yet another country, his native language is Spanish mine is English and our home and life language is Portuguese! Three cultures, three languages is enough in itself for problems but we have a little custom. We pray at night together, we talk over our different views and opinions and as a woman I accept him to be my leader and my covering.
He is the man of the house and the pastor of our church and the bishop of our work.
I am more emotional than he is (usually a female trait) BUT he is ROCK steady and I know I can depend on him to make a good decision because mine might be based on emotion.
Both women and men need to realize their strong and weak points and that is how we help each other. He still opens the car door for me, brings me flowers. In fact he brought me flowers yesterday from town.
We decide together how things will be. Since English is my native language I take care of our letters and our American bookwork. He takes care of the Portuguese side...
For families to be strong there must be togetherness and Unity of purpose. There cannot be two sides pulling opposite directions.
Just some thoughts…maybe more later

[Jesuswins]

Your husband needs to find God's calling upon his life. Once he has a mission to fulfill, something that he can conquer and gain mastery of that he can call his own, he will begin to grow and go. He might find some role that supports the operation of your local church in some way. But you should prepare yourself, too, and be sure you really want and are ready for change. He also might whisk you past Sis. Alvear on your way to convert the cannibals of South America. [/QUOTE]


I feel very Confident that he has a calling on his life, he has felt that desire and burden to win souls for Christ. But as I stated before it comes in spurts. He is a very influencial man, especially with young men and teen age boys. People are drawn to him and want to know his out look, and he is even a good speaker. Several years ago he helped me teach a glass in our Wednesday night program, and then on Sundays he helped with a special needs child. Due to his work schedule we had to turn that over to someone else, and things went down from there. He even sang duets with me on occasion.
Both of our Pastors have stated to us personally (and recently) that they see a great work for his future. But I don't see that he has grasped that Word, it's almost as if he's is trying to ignore it.

[Jesuswins]

Originally Posted by Sister Alvear

Some from a woman´s view:

Well, someone told me if I walk into a restaurant if several families were eating together and the men are all seated at one table and women at another it is the ACI if they are sitting as families it is the UPC! And it was not told in jest they were serious...
I posted teasing...but I do think teachings along these lines are very important and DEPENDING how it is taught brings good or bad results. WE need good Bible teachers not offensive men that all they know for anointing is spitting in a mike...
I do not have to worry about having a good husband that is kind but some pastor´s wives I know I would hate to be in their shoes.
For example and I have seen things like this a lot after church we went to their house for a "snack" and after he was out of hearing she said to me, "Sister Alvear, I love you so much and if I had known you were coming I would have cooked something nicer...but my husband never tells me anything". She went on to tell me "church wise" she knew nothing much that was going on.Yes, he is a MACHO man...but a poor family leader.

There may be things Brother Alvear does not want me to know but I doubt it. We pray together over problems. We plan things together and until we all learn God´s plan we are going to see more homes destroyed by lack of communication.
Women tend to see details men seem to see a overall view. So we need both views. One pastor told me, Sister Alvear my wife is kind of dumb church wise. I didn´t say anything just smiled but I thought, takes a dummy to marry a dummy...
There is usually a reason if the wife does not respect her husband...Christian women respect men that pray, men that are godlike in their relationships.
Brother Alvear and I have been married for this year will make 35 years.
We are from different countries and live in yet another country, his native language is Spanish mine is English and our home and life language is Portuguese! Three cultures, three languages is enough in itself for problems but we have a little custom. We pray at night together, we talk over our different views and opinions and as a woman I accept him to be my leader and my covering.
He is the man of the house and the pastor of our church and the bishop of our work.
I am more emotional than he is (usually a female trait) BUT he is ROCK steady and I know I can depend on him to make a good decision because mine might be based on emotion.
Both women and men need to realize their strong and weak points and that is how we help each other. He still opens the car door for me, brings me flowers. In fact he brought me flowers yesterday from town.
We decide together how things will be. Since English is my native language I take care of our letters and our American bookwork. He takes care of the Portuguese side...
For families to be strong there must be togetherness and Unity of purpose. There cannot be two sides pulling opposite directions.
Just some thoughts…maybe more later

Thank you Sister Alvear, I think you are a dear Person and I know that My Bishop's wife (Sis. Peters) thinks very highly of you. I am new to this forum and have learned a lot about you while reading some of your post. You are an awesome, insightful lady with a lot to offer those that will listen.
Please Pray for my husband that he will find his place and step into God's Will for his life. God bless.

[Sister Alvear]

I love them also. It has been many years since have been in that area. I would love to see them. Please give them my best regards.

[OP_Carl]

Well, Sis. Alvear, I'm not promoting knuckle-draggin loutishness any more than I am promoting immasculated manhood. It's all about finding the balance for your team, as you have so kindly and elegantly described in your personal circumstances. The division of labor, leveraging of skills, and minimization of weaknesses are all key.

Wise husbands, such as yours, encourage and develop the latent talents they discern in their wives so that they may more fully complement their own talents. They don't consider their wives strengths to be a threat, but a blessing.

I feel very Confident that he has a calling on his life, he has felt that desire and burden to win souls for Christ. But as I stated before it comes in spurts. He is a very influencial man, especially with young men and teen age boys. People are drawn to him and want to know his out look, and he is even a good speaker. Several years ago he helped me teach a glass in our Wednesday night program, and then on Sundays he helped with a special needs child. Due to his work schedule we had to turn that over to someone else, and things went down from there. He even sang duets with me on occasion.
Both of our Pastors have stated to us personally (and recently) that they see a great work for his future. But I don't see that he has grasped that Word, it's almost as if he's is trying to ignore it.

Struggling with the Juggling isn't unusual.

He's concerned about the shift in balance that would occur in his daily routine as he considers allotting more time to God's calling. Where does that time come from? The choices are typically grim: Paid work or sleep.

Making such changes is a leap of faith, and requires that the house be otherwise in order.