Dealing with Cliques

[QueenEsther]

Originally Posted by Felicity

The word has a negative connotation usually, but I think cliques are a part of life and part of all social groups including churches. People naturally form closer relationships with some than they do others based on common interests, goals, beliefs, social strata, intellect, personality, etc. It's just the way it is and isn't necessarily bad or evil.

Jesus had an "inner circle". Most of us have our close friends that we enjoy spending time with and being with moreso than with others. Doesn't mean that we don't love or like other people and that we won't fellowship with them. It's just that you "click" with some people more than with others.

Well said, you said everything I was thinking while I was reading the first post.

[Jesuswins]

Originally Posted by Joseph Miller

Do you guys deal with Cliques in your church?

I know that no one will believe me but we really don't have the problem in our church. We average about 150 to 170 on Sunday. I know that you would say that a church that small would still deal with cliques, but we honestly don't have that problem.

The one thing I think is responsible for eliminating them is when our men started praying together. We have a unity and harmony in our church unlike any I have ever been to. But prayer is the number 1 priority around our place.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that praying together will bring unity. Unity will help get rid of the cliques.

What you think?

It's hard to believe that there aren't a few people in your church that feel like they have to work a little harder than others to "fit" in. Sometimes when we are the type of people that can get along with anyone and everyone, it's hard to see the perspective of the quiet one, or the shy one.
I believe there are cliques in your church, you just may not be as aware of them if you are included in them all. Look a little closer.

[delta soundman]

We have sort of a Fall/Winter tradition with some close friends of mine. At the start of the NFL season a small group of us meet most Sunday afternoon's to watch the games. Me being a Colts,Giants, Packers fan and the rest of the bunch being hard core Cowboys fans we always have a game to watch. If it is a night game or a late afternoon game I generally DVR it and they all come over after church that night. The group includes all 3 of the youth leaders and their spouses and our kids. It's always a great time. Don't know if I would call it a clique though. All of these people are between the ages of 25 and 30. Cliques are ok as long as they are friendly and don't interfer with God's work.

[QueenEsther]

Originally Posted by delta soundman

We have sort of a Fall/Winter tradition with some close friends of mine. At the start of the NFL season a small group of us meet most Sunday afternoon's to watch the games. Me being a Colts,Giants, Packers fan and the rest of the bunch being hard core Cowboys fans we always have a game to watch. If it is a night game or a late afternoon game I generally DVR it and they all come over after church that night. The group includes all 3 of the youth leaders and their spouses and our kids. It's always a great time. Don't know if I would call it a clique though. All of these people are between the ages of 25 and 30. Cliques are ok as long as they are friendly and don't interfer with God's work.

That's great - I see nothing wrong with it but it always seems as if we do that around our church someone is crying about it saying we only have our little clique......it's not "cliques" or groups of friends that is the problem it is grown ups acting like whiney baby's, thats the problem!

[tamor]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

That's nice, Trouvere. LOL. Most people probably aren't like you. Most people have friends, and then they have close friends. That's pretty normal.

I don't try to form cliques...to me, a "clique" implies a group of people that isn't friendly to anyone else except each other. I wouldn't say we have cliques in our church, but people who are compatible with one another tend to gravitate toward one another. We have several young men who play basketball together...the older men don't...that doesn't mean the young men are a "clique." There are other young men in the church who obviously don't care for sports, so they don't play. Big deal. My husband is one of them. He'd rather be home writing a new webpage or similar.

I don't buy into the idea that groups of close friends are a bad thing. They're a very good thing, and I'm thankful for the friends I have. I get along with most people, too, but I don't call them all good friends.

Exactly. Same concept as small groups. They help people bond with other people who share the same interests. They're not exclusive, but not everyone enjoys the same things.

[delta soundman]

Originally Posted by QueenEsther

That's great - I see nothing wrong with it but it always seems as if we do that around our church someone is crying about it saying we only have our little clique......it's not "cliques" or groups of friends that is the problem it is grown ups acting like whiney baby's, thats the problem!

PREACHIT!!!! I want to say grow up. There is a pretty good jump in age from the group that hangs with us to the next group. That crowd is at home taking their naps.......Not there is anything wrong with naps

[Joseph Miller]

I wanted to paste the email I sent to my pastor about this very subject and the response I received from him.

Hey Bro. Dobbs,
A few days ago a pastor asked me a question that I didn't really know how to answer. We were talking about church growth and things that go along with it. His church runs about 15 to 20 and he asked how we dealt with cliques in our church. I thought about it for a moment and then Trudy spoke up and said, "I don't think we have any." As I thought about it, I honestly can't think of one and I am not looking to find one. That pastor could not believe that a church our size wouldn't be full of cliques. He was suprised that we would say that we can't think of any in the church.

As we continued talking he asked me why I thought we didn't have any cliques. I told him that at one time there had been some cliques. It is a issue in most churches no matter the size from what I have seen. I really wasn't sure what to tell him about why we no longer had any. As I thought about it, it hit me, the reason we don't have cliques is not because our people are different than any other group of people, but rather because our people are doing things that most other groups of people aren't doing. Our men are leaders in prayer and worship. That is our rightful place. The divine order in which God set up is for the men to be the leaders and priest of their homes.

When the men become the heads and leaders in prayer and worship it starts to bring the other things into alignment with the Head (Christ) and as the body gets in proper alignment with the Head the all the kinks (cliques and such) start to work themselves out and unity begins to prevail. Where unity is there will be anointing. Where the anointing is yokes will be destroyed. Where yokes are being destroyed revival is automatic.

Maybe I have missed the entire concept, but I wanted to just share with you what I felt the other day and what I shared with a pastor friend as to why I don't think Word Alive has cliques in it. We are all one big family.

We love yall and are praying for yall.

God Bless,



Rev. Joseph T. Miller

http://www.revjosephtmiller.com


Now the response I received.
It is SO good to hear form you! I couldn't have explained it better than you did abou the unity of our church. I believe God revealed it to you. Cliques disappear when "Body Life" begins to take place. When Christ becomes the Head and the Pastor becomes the backbone and spinal column, instead of thinking HE is the head, then the body come into unity and healthy Christian Brotherhood ensues.


Dr. Mike Dobbs, Pastor


Word Alive Revival Center, Wiggins, MS
I know it is hard to imagine a church with out cliques, but it can happen when men begin to pray.

[seguidordejesus]

DR.??? Mike Dobbs? When did that happen?

Originally Posted by Joseph Miller

Do you guys deal with Cliques in your church?

I know that no one will believe me but we really don't have the problem in our church. We average about 150 to 170 on Sunday. I know that you would say that a church that small would still deal with cliques, but we honestly don't have that problem.

The one thing I think is responsible for eliminating them is when our men started praying together. We have a unity and harmony in our church unlike any I have ever been to. But prayer is the number 1 priority around our place.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that praying together will bring unity. Unity will help get rid of the cliques.

What you think?

Cliques something to fear...one more thing from my past...that is why we were not suppose to have friends too close, because someone might feel excluded...the funny thing is the biggest clique in the church was the "inner circle" those that were allowed into close relationships with ministry, even if you were not in the ministry....you were privy to all the best gossip and made to feel especially annointed....it was a select few...I made it in...woo hoo...I felt so good about that, thinking I must be more holy than those that didn't make the cut! Oh I have to pray for forgiveness on that one ................

[Joseph Miller]

Originally Posted by seguidordejesus

DR.??? Mike Dobbs? When did that happen?

A couple years or so ago.