dances/prom??

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

What about the dancing to worldly music aspect of it?

Most parents don't know that their children listen and dance to worldly music when they aren't around anyway.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Bella1

What is wrong with Dancing? Do you trust your child? Let them make their own decisions once they walk out the door of your home and into their Prom/Dance.

IF they decide to dance, they experience something that they may or may not like. But they decision is theirs to make.

But if YOU tell him/her that they CAN'T dance, they may be rebellious and do it anyway, then they are disobeying you which will cause guilt for doing some YOU don't want them to do.

Yeah, this is sound advice. By the time most kids are going to prom, they are 18 or 19-years-old. I know of at least one young lady who was tired of being told what to do or not to do. She left home as soon as she hit 18-years-old and got pregnant. She did get married later.

In fact, I am grieved that the whole family broke apart. The husband left the wife, the son also has a baby out of wedlock.

These were people who went to church every time the doors opened for 26 years before the family broke apart.

Standards cannot be forced upon people. They must have conviction in their heart to do or not to do something.

[Scott Hutchinson]

I've got teen daughters yes I need help.It is tough.

[AreYouReady?]

Brother Scott, just keep encouraging them to live for God and be that example. I went through the teen years with two boys. What helped them a good bit is that their father did things with them.

[scotty]

I didn't think refraining from dancing all over each other like your having sex standing up was an article of standards. I always thought it was just good christian common sense.

11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, 12 teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age,

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by scotty

I didn't think refraining from dancing all over each other like your having sex standing up was an article of standards. I always thought it was just good christian common sense.

11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, 12 teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age,

Yes, THAT may be just plain good old fashioned Christian common sense but I was always taught simply that "Pentecostals don't dance!", among dozens of other things. And then of course the arguments quickly became circular such as "....and we don't go to those places because people dance there!" followed by "and we don't dance because people dance in those places!".

[Aquila]

At this time my thoughts are... I'd let my kids go to prom if they had proven themselves to be decent and trust worthy kids. It's hard to realize that at about the time of Prom, they are "young adults". For many in the public schools Prom is a very important mile stone in an adolescent's social life. It's almost akin to a tribal "coming of age" ritual. However, these are things that require us as parents to sit down and talk to our sons and daughters about the difficult subjects of self respect, respect for others, limits, and sex. I'd set a reasonable curfew and I'd want them to be able to be reached (by cell phone). I'd also really like to have the cell phone numbers of at least two friends who were going as backup methods of reaching them. I'd want to be reasonable with the outfits worn.

Will they "push the limits" while dancing?... Most likely. But they have to discover themselves and be given room to fly. And sometimes that means giving them room to stumble and learn lessons that only life itself can teach them. Social events like these often allow our kids to learn certain social skills in a relatively controlled environment (not as controlled as I'd prefer sometimes). I've seen kids who were heavily sheltered get out in the big bad world and totally spin out seeking to make up for lost time in the clubs etc. I think allowing them to realize what living in this world is like a little bit at a time is better than sheltering them and throwing them right out into it when they are entirely on their own. I have full faith that the Lord would convict them from going too far with regards to any situation.

Also... I'd have a "debriefing". I'd strive to respectfully have them share what the night was like, allowing them to keep anything private that they wished to keep private. I'd also let them know that I am here... and that I love them. And if something happened that they'd like to talk about, they need not have any fear of anger or retribution. But rather as a loving parent I'd seek to help them understand and evaluate their choices that night. During such an exchange... I might even share some things I've experienced in my years, if it helps to break the ice. I'd certainly not approach it like an interrogation. And if they didn't want to talk about... I'd have to accept that that is their choice. And I'd... pray. I think when dealing with our kids we have to take an approach that loves the child... even if we don't agree with all the choices they make (kind of like love the sinner, hate the sin).

Of course... a young adult's history must be considered. If a young person's history demonstrates serious lack of respect for authority, rebellion, and unhealthy behaviors... I'd consider not allowing them to attend.

[Aquila]

Being a parent is far more than saying “No.” to all perceived dangers and locking our kids up in tower from all harm.

A parent must teach and demonstrate how to take a stand, how to lovingly compromise, how to fall with grace, how to ask for forgiveness, how to work out complications, how to accept fault, and how to get back up again without shame.

Being a parent is very difficult and complicated. You almost have to introduce the world in small enough doses to create life lessons out of those moments. All too often I’ve seen sheltered kids take in the full force of the world when they leave home… and most of those I’ve seen haven’t been able to handle it. The vast majority totally washed out and became strung out, bitter about church, their parents, and even God Himself. Yet, on the other hand I’ve seen kids who were given far more freedom to mess up (and often did) learn from their mistakes under the wing of their loving parents. These appear more well rounded, realistic, balanced, and even faithful to the things of the Christian faith.

But… that’s just my experience. Others might have a different experience.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Aquila

Being a parent is far more than saying “No.” to all perceived dangers and locking our kids up in tower from all harm.

A parent must teach and demonstrate how to take a stand, how to lovingly compromise, how to fall with grace, how to ask for forgiveness, how to work out complications, how to accept fault, and how to get back up again without shame.

Being a parent is very difficult and complicated. You almost have to introduce the world in small enough doses to create life lessons out of those moments. All too often I’ve seen sheltered kids take in the full force of the world when they leave home… and most of those I’ve seen haven’t been able to handle it. The vast majority totally washed out and became strung out, bitter about church, their parents, and even God Himself. Yet, on the other hand I’ve seen kids who were given far more freedom to mess up (and often did) learn from their mistakes under the wing of their loving parents. These appear more well rounded, realistic, balanced, and even faithful to the things of the Christian faith.

But… that’s just my experience. Others might have a different experience.

While one of my son's will not lie to me, he's taken to not answering any question that he doesn't want to answer. It's not often, but from time to time, he will just walk away from me. He is in his mid 20s now and feels that he does not need the 20,000 question. I just automatically know that if he answers it, I'm not going to like it.

I also know that if anything is too big for him to handle, he will come to us. So, a few secrets are not all that bad...they eventually come out anyway.

[Truthseeker]

This reminds me of a book I read where the man believed in giving kids freedom to fail while still under his influence to help vs getting first dose of freedom when out the house with no freedom experience.