Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Epley
 I am not going to judge the original poster of this thread since I know nothing of him nor his pastor. But I can tell you from a pastor's standpoint some folks won't allow you to pastor them. You can never do enough or spend enough time with them. You love them but they are so self absorbed it is useless. And yes after a time you just have to move on to those who want your help and allow these type of folks to do whatever they are going to do. And hope for the best. My experience they generall succeed in destroying their families and the majority of the time they either backslide or windup in some false church decieved. But in techo land today the computer becomes their pastor and church and they hang out with renegades who hate all that is true and holy. But they do find comfort from folks just like themselves.
Yes there are self absorbed pastors who only think of a paycheck like most saints I know. No one criticizes a saint for expected a good pay check or a raise or nice things only the preacher. You reckon some still have the Catholic mentality of the oath of poverty the priest takes? Think about it. |
I think that some pastors have spent time pouring themselves into people only to be disappointed when they backslide and then they become burnt out and put up a wall out of self defense. That's only human and understandable. But these types of pastors also need to understand that when they are burnt out and refuse to do anything but go through the motions and won't let people past a certain point with them emotionally that it has an effect. And this effect is not really the saddest point.
The saddest point is when these pastors refuse to admit they are falling short because they have been hurt and are not giving what they should to their congregants and then they blame the congregants as unwilling to give all for the kingdom's sake (or they would not be feeling the way they do) and the congregants
believe them. That is the saddest point of all, when they are very good, giving, loving people who feel unloved, unappreciated and taken for granted but they blame themselves because their own pastor blames them. It usually takes years and years to begin to see the truth.
The truth is that their pastor is not a bad person, necessarily, but a hurt one and has a wall up. It becomes abusive when that pastor blames others for their own shortcomings, refusing to admit any fault in the situation. This type of pastor loves congregants who are satisfied with the status quo, don't need anything, don't ask questions and pay tithes. Those who take more energy are often sidelined and marginalized as "troublemakers" when the pastor has bundled these people into the same category as the people they were hurt by. But it is not fair to blame people who ask questions and need a little help for the hurt the pastor has already experienced.
The only solution for the pastor in this situation is to look to heal his own hurt. That isn't easy but is totally necessary.
The only solution for a congregant in this situation is to realize he cannot control someone else and he is not at fault, forgive the shortcomings of his present pastor and go somewhere else if he cannot live under those circumstances.
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