Dealing with Cliques

Joseph Miller · #1 10-31-2007, 09:41 PM

Do you guys deal with Cliques in your church?

I know that no one will believe me but we really don't have the problem in our church. We average about 150 to 170 on Sunday. I know that you would say that a church that small would still deal with cliques, but we honestly don't have that problem.

The one thing I think is responsible for eliminating them is when our men started praying together. We have a unity and harmony in our church unlike any I have ever been to. But prayer is the number 1 priority around our place.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that praying together will bring unity. Unity will help get rid of the cliques.

What you think?

Felicity · #2 10-31-2007, 09:51 PM

The word has a negative connotation usually, but I think cliques are a part of life and part of all social groups including churches. People naturally form closer relationships with some than they do others based on common interests, goals, beliefs, social strata, intellect, personality, etc. It's just the way it is and isn't necessarily bad or evil.

Jesus had an "inner circle". Most of us have our close friends that we enjoy spending time with and being with moreso than with others. Doesn't mean that we don't love or like other people and that we won't fellowship with them. It's just that you "click" with some people more than with others.

MissBrattified · #3 10-31-2007, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Felicity

The word has a negative connotation usually, but I think cliques are a part of life and part of all social groups including churches. People naturally form closer relationships with some than they do others based on common interests, goals, beliefs, social strata, intellect, personality, etc. It's just the way it is and isn't necessarily bad or evil.

Jesus had an "inner circle". Most of us have our close friends that we enjoy spending time with and being with moreso than with others. Doesn't mean that we don't love or like other people and that we won't fellowship with them. It's just that you "click" with some people more than with others.

I completely agree.

NightOwl · #4 10-31-2007, 10:10 PM

but I think a good question would be Are we so wrapped up in our cliques or groups that we ignore those not in our groups.

MissBrattified · #5 10-31-2007, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NightOwl

but I think a good question would be Are we so wrapped up in our cliques or groups that we ignore those not in our groups.

I make a concerted effort to talk to new people, to include others when we go out for dinner on Sundays, to invite folks over to our house for dinner and get-togethers, ...but on Sunday nights, when I go out for coffee, its going to be with my closest friends.

Sometimes we add on a couple of newbies, but I need that time with my girlfriends.

We need both, actually. We need to be friendly and inclusive with everyone, and at the same time, we need to make time in our lives for deeper relationships.

seguidordejesus · #6 10-31-2007, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I make a concerted effort to talk to new people, to include others when we go out for dinner on Sundays, to invite folks over to our house for dinner and get-togethers, ...but on Sunday nights, when I go out for coffee, its going to be with my closest friends.

Sometimes we add on a couple of newbies, but I need that time with my girlfriends.

We need both, actually. We need to be friendly and inclusive with everyone, and at the same time, we need to make time in our lives for deeper relationships.

Tell me more about this sunday night coffee-going...is it a tradition, how did it start and do you bring your kids so your husband can hang out with HIS buddies?

MissBrattified · #7 11-01-2007, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seguidordejesus

Tell me more about this sunday night coffee-going...is it a tradition, how did it start and do you bring your kids so your husband can hang out with HIS buddies?

It's sort of a tradition...that is...we do it whenever we can.

It started with someone saying, "Do you want to go to Starbuck's and have coffee tonight?" And, no. I never bring my kids. A couple of times my husband has brought his computer and sat on the other side of the store working while we talk and have fun. Normally, though...that's not how it works.

My husband can hang out with HIS buddies at a different time, with no complaints from me.

I'm just saying that we all need time to relax and people we love and trust to relax with. I do my best to show everyone a friendly face, but I only have a few really close friends.

Trouvere · #8 11-01-2007, 06:56 AM

I don't notice cliques and really like people.I just fit in with who ever.I always have.

freeatlast · #9 11-01-2007, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Felicity

The word has a negative connotation usually, but I think cliques are a part of life and part of all social groups including churches. People naturally form closer relationships with some than they do others based on common interests, goals, beliefs, social strata, intellect, personality, etc. It's just the way it is and isn't necessarily bad or evil.

Jesus had an "inner circle". Most of us have our close friends that we enjoy spending time with and being with moreso than with others. Doesn't mean that we don't love or like other people and that we won't fellowship with them. It's just that you "click" with some people more than with others.

So true Felicity, the church I escaped from 16 years ago tried to stop this kind of interaction among people. That was just stupid. (sorry)

As Christians we do need to be mindful of new folks and try to assimilate them them into our church family.

Relationships are based on common intersts. It is challenging for a succesful business owner to become close with another Christian that bounces from one low paying "fast food" job to another.

there will always be cliques to some degree and that is not always a bad thing.

MissBrattified · #10 11-01-2007, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trouvere

I don't notice cliques and really like people.I just fit in with who ever.I always have.

That's nice, Trouvere. LOL. Most people probably aren't like you. Most people have friends, and then they have close friends. That's pretty normal.

I don't try to form cliques...to me, a "clique" implies a group of people that isn't friendly to anyone else except each other. I wouldn't say we have cliques in our church, but people who are compatible with one another tend to gravitate toward one another. We have several young men who play basketball together...the older men don't...that doesn't mean the young men are a "clique." There are other young men in the church who obviously don't care for sports, so they don't play. Big deal. My husband is one of them. He'd rather be home writing a new webpage or similar.

I don't buy into the idea that groups of close friends are a bad thing. They're a very good thing, and I'm thankful for the friends I have. I get along with most people, too, but I don't call them all good friends.