Just Wondering.....

[LadyCoonskinner]

I know I'm opening myself up to get absolutely annilated (sp) but, I really want to know...

On another thread, I stood up for what I believe and "called" someone "out" for calling the experience I have a "cultish practice." As the thread then progressed I was told that the reason I believe what I do is for financial gain, position and power. Also, I went from "Sister CS" to "Mrs CS".

All of this said, I am beginning to wonder why I am taken to the woodshed, and yet the other person is allowed to say and get away with it because they have been "wounded"...well, honestly, I take that as a personal shot, I was wounded.

Many of you may not understand what I have gone through to live the way I do....I've had to fight for the ground I have gained in this wonderful way called the "Apostolic Lifestyle". I was 9 years old when GOD convicted me of wearing pants and did not have the Holy Ghost yet. I received the Holy Ghost at the age of 10 years on May 10th 1981. Bro. Leo Upton was preaching. My parents were not in church both were backsliders and I had to fight to do anything with the church and yet my parents let my younger sister do all sorts of things, and yet I had to FIGHT (beg and plead, actually) to do wholesome things with Godly people.

EVERY day in the summer I was at the church working. My choice. I loved to be in the HOUSE OF GOD even if it was only cleaning, working in my Sunday School class, picking up garbage out of the church yard or helping the older lady and her blind husband who lived behind the church, whatever it was I LOVED it.

I read my bible, studied it out for myself and God gave me a revelation of what the truth was. My mother was extremely charasmatic..(don't shoot me, but it's the truth anyway) she fought me tooth and nail. She would argue her stance and I would argue my stance. I HAD to study and I had to know my word and I had to have it in my heart. I was a bible quizzer, I was invovled in many things over the years.

Many of you think I am an UC ( I don't like labels really, even the word charasmatic bothers me, but that's what my Mom called herself) but actually I'm pretty middle of the road, but what bothers me most is that I am "called" unkind and harsh and that being unkind is my business....well, I take exception to that.

I am probably one of the most kind people you'll meet. I got out of my way to be nice to people who really don't even deserve that because that's one of my "job descriptions" as a pastor's wife. I truly love people and enjoy meeting all kinds of people. I enjoy the fact that we are all different. You may do some things that I don't agree with, but that doesn't make you unkind. You may stand for something that I don't, but that doesn't make you any less a person than I am.

I guess what I don't understand is that when people are bitter and they attack who I am and what I believe in with all my heart...(not because of money or position, either,) I stand up, after reading for months and years, that I and many others who believe like I do, am blasted and called unkind. I don't claim to be "Holier than thou" I am no better than anyone else on this forum. I have been wounded in the house of my friends, yet I am still there.

My experience is NOT up for attack!!! I didn't say this to lift myself up, just background and maybe a little eyeopener for why I, sometimes, tire of the attack on what I believe and come out swinging.

I know I'm probably shooting myself in the foot, but wanted you to know why I take such a strong stand, sometimes harshly, over what I live for.