Ever Felt Like....

[Jermyn Davidson]

God tricked you?


Of course, I realize it is unwise to "accuse" God so I am trying to walk that thin line that balances faith and emotions-- what I know and what I see right now.

I thought something was one way, and it really isn't.

I was thanking God for doing something that He didn't do.


When I started to fret about something, I thought it was Him that reminded me, "Didn't I keep you from ______? Why would you worry now?"

I found out last week that God didn't keep me from _____ and what I thought He had kept me from He let it happen-- all the while allowing me to believe that He had kept me from it.



Sounds confusing, right?

Imagine trying to live through this!


I am only a young man. However, I realize in a brighter light that I really don't know what I thought I knew and there is so much that I really don't know.


I won't let bitterness set in as ultimately I believe that it was me that misheard His voice.


But this place is a bit disappointing. Really, my faith has been shaken and I am here on the sideline, scratching my head, waiting, and wondering what went wrong.


How can I be so wrong?

How can I have made such an error in judgment?

How could others encourage the error?

How could I get to the place where what I thought was the truth was confirmed in prayer-- only to find out that it never was in the first place?

How and why would God, I mean, it comes back to Him-- I believed Him and He's the One that led me to think that a certain issue was resolved.


Now it is painfully obvious that it is not resolved.


What happened?

[DividedThigh]

even when he doesnt calm the storm or deliver us from the situation my brother, he is there, and will take care of us, dt

[Esther]

Jeremy not knowing exactly what you are talking about I can only say God gives every person a will and He will not go against it.

The Holy Ghost helps us but He is not our housekeeper.

[edjen01]

i'm right there with ya. for me...i've found that whenever humans are involved, including myself, there is always margin for error. and that placing blame at God for something I think He's responsible for assumes that I know what He's suppose to do. I do not understand what or why God does or does not do things...and i believe i'm not meant to.

I am called to walk...and trust that He will prepare my steps to fulfill His purpose.

sometimes i think i know the way...only to find myself lost in the woods. sometimes i "feel" confirmation that i am where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do...and someone else feels something differently and shuts it down. was i wrong? i don't know but i dont think so...because i am simply called to walk in the way i feel He is leading. i am so thankful that goodness & mercy are following close behind.

[Jermyn Davidson]

My house in Baltimore, MD went to foreclosure sale in December 2009.

I was never notified of this.

I've been in touch with my bank every month as we have been working out a loan modification. THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE SALE AND AFFIRMED TO ME REPEATEDLY THAT THE HOME WAS STILL MINE AND IN MY NAME!!!

The foreclosure sale was ratified in May 2010.

Up until last week, I thought I still had my house in Baltimore.

So sure was I that I had my house in Baltimore that I have been renting it out for the last 5 - 6 months.

It's still my house, my official residence as legally, Florida can not be a permanent place because with a VA loan, I'm not supposed to use my house as an investment property.

I lost my job in DC and found a new job in Orlando, once I got here.


Still I don't make enough to put a dent in my bills from when I used to make 100k+ annually. In fact, in 2009 I made $12,000.

So I've been living by faith that things were going to work themselves alright. Somehow I'd start making enough money again to keep things going.

I didn't want to file bankruptcy as that could affect certain clearances I have.


It's just been a huge mess and over the last week, not only did I find out I lost my house in December, the people watching my house refuse to pay any compensation, and I now have legal issues that I MUST contend with all because I don't make enough money.


Here's the thing: I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE ENOUGH MONEY!!!!

I can go back overseas as a private contractor.

In prayer, I felt led to get out of the military for now. If I had stayed in, at least I could have been on another deployment that would definitely allow me to help pay my bills off and shield me from legal action.


I'm doing what I'm doing out of faith in God.

These decisions are proving to be so terrible!

It just doesn't even make sense!


How could I have missed GOD so badly that now I am in so much trouble? Who will help me deal with this stuff? The answer I expect is that well you're a grown man and you need to be responsible for yourself!

I thought I was not supposed to direct my way! I thought it not in me to direct my way and make decisions and such that could take me out of the will of God!


I really have legal issues now, not just 1 or 2 either. Several that I have not been able to resolve on my own because I simply don't have the money-- that's it!


All of this could have been avoided if I just would have done what I know I was able to do to keep this from going so far!



But I thought God was directing me to not go overseas, to get out of the military-- and all for what? So I can end up with my house taken away, my name shot to pieces in a place where there are several people seeking legal action against me?


Yeah, my faith in God has been shaken!


I offered that Lord if it meant getting closer to You, take the house.

I offered that. However, the impression I got from Him was that He would let me keep it.

I got this impression in prayer and in praise, on several occasions. Just the week before last, i started to be concerned about something and I thought I heard God said something along the lines of, "What are you worrying about? You still have your house-- aren't I able to take care fo this too?"



I just feel like an idiot, like I don't know the voice of God and like a Pentecostal foolish fanatic that is so religious that I can't even function properly in the real world. I remember people like this and I always said I'd never want to become like that, but here I am with pie on the face.


I didn't go to my church on Sunday.

I tried to talk with my Pastor, but I'm sure he's busy as he didn't get back in touch with me. There are so many saints, so many issues I'm sure.



I just really feel like an idiot and very disappointed.

All of this could have been avoided.

I knew what to do.

There's a bit of anger too-- but I don't know who to direct it at.


The things I've done over the last year or so, I did so in the fear and honor of God, trying to make Him first again in my life.

Now I feel stupid.


How could I have missed God so badly?


If I knew this was going to happen like this-- I would have been much more proactive in ensuring this didn't happen as I had the opportunity to try to make sure things didn't get this bad.

[Mirth1981]

To answer your question, yes, I have felt like that before. It is a very horrible feeling. Especially when you thought you heard the voice of God speak to you and say something very specific. We humans can make mistakes, but in the midst of it all, God is still God.

So sorry to hear of the troubles that you are going through.

[Isaiah]

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in neccesities, in persecutions, in distresses for Chirst's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong" (2Corinthians 12:10).

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9). Don't worry friend the Lord has it covered, praying for your situation

[Jermyn Davidson]

It was in faith that I made certain decisions that flew in the face of my own sensibilities-- but listening to sermons and using scriptures to back up my actions, believing God would fix this better if I let Him handle it instead of me doing what I knew I could do.


This is so frustrating and disappointing.


I'm done seeking to be spiritual and making dumb decisions that go against my sensibilities in the vein of faith.

He created me. He gave me a mind.

I should have made better decisions.

But I thought I was making the best decision by seeking to be closer to Him and by listening to Him for guidance and obeying Him out of sincerity.

It's just that I did this for me and Him, believing He would be pleased.

He isn't, and neither am I.



I'm reminded of Israel at the Red Sea and the Egyptians behind them.

That's how I feel right now-- I don't even know what kind of miracle can happen.

Neither do I think I should expect one.


Guys, you don't know-- but I am really, really in some deep poo.

[BeenThinkin]

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

It was in faith that I made certain decisions that flew in the face of my own sensibilities-- but listening to sermons and using scriptures to back up my actions, believing God would fix this better if I let Him handle it instead of me doing what I knew I could do.


This is so frustrating and disappointing.


I'm done seeking to be spiritual and making dumb decisions that go against my sensibilities in the vein of faith.

He created me. He gave me a mind.

I should have made better decisions.

But I thought I was making the best decision by seeking to be closer to Him and by listening to Him for guidance and obeying Him out of sincerity.

It's just that I did this for me and Him, believing He would be pleased.

He isn't, and neither am I.



I'm reminded of Israel at the Red Sea and the Egyptians behind them.

That's how I feel right now-- I don't even know what kind of miracle can happen.

Neither do I think I should expect one.


Guys, you don't know-- but I am really, really in some deep poo.

Jermyn... my prayers are with you. Please be careful! You are very vulnerable right now. All you need is several different answers from several different individuals who mean well and you can be further confused. I have no direct advice, just be prayerful, careful and don't lose your faith in God. The only thing I might add is He is still God and I think we sometimes leave too much up to Him, to do for us.

Keep the Faith my brother!

Been Thinkin

[txmom]

I know where you're coming from. A little different situation, but I was so ANGRY at God!
I prayed. I fasted. I prayed some more. I asked others to pray. I thought it was God - until I fell flat on my face. I felt like He just sat back and let me walk off a cliff. Why didn't He tell me no? Honestly, it took me a year and a half or so to get over it.
During that time, I decided that since my feelings were obviously untrustworthy no matter how much I prayed, how close to God I thought I was, I would have to rely on what I knew. And I knew that He loved me, that He wanted the best for me, that even though I was mad at Him, he forgave me and wanted me anyway. I knew that I couldn't walk away in anger and risk my children's souls. I knew I had no choice but to keep going. It didn't make me feel better, I was still angry and hurt, and the last thing I wanted to do was pray. It seemed like the longest, loneliest road. But I kept reading the Word, didn't pray nearly as much as I should, and eventually I was able to let go of the anger and just trust that He knows better than I do and it will serve some purpose in my life. And I will tell you, it is hard to pray and study and go to church based on knowing alone - I felt NOTHING for over a year.
This was a few years ago, and I do feel that my faith is stronger than ever, but I still see no purpose in what I went through. It seems to me like a huge waste. But I can't do anything but trust God.
I don't know if any of that helped. All I can tell you is don't respond to God based on your feelings - know that He loves you and wants the best for you. It will get better. I'll be praying for you.