An Old "Friend" Seeking to Line Me Up

deacon blues · #1 09-25-2015, 09:41 AM

Had an old Bible school classmate contact me after 28 years wanting to meet with me as he was passing through town. A nice gesture, I thought. I'm a people person, happy to meet just about anybody, and certainly happy to meet folks from my past who take the time to look me up.

I had a lengthy phone conversation with him kind of bringing him up to date on my life. I was honest about some of the setbacks and challenges over the last 6-7 years which included divorce and the fallout of such. He seemed to be listening and sympathetic.

Later as I was driving to meet this "friend", a true, long time friend of mine called me and warned me to NOT meet this person. This person had called my good friend and was asking lots of questions and saying disparaging things about me based on my transparency with him earlier. My good friend said "I wouldn't give him the time of day. He is planning to read you the riot act and call into question what you've done and the direction you are going. He is making assumptions based on your conversation with him without knowing anything about you the past 28 years." He had called me a backslider, compromiser, part of the "great falling away", judging my actions and motives even though he only knew the tidbit of things I shared with him in an hour long phone conversation.

I was stunned. I had time to drive and think. I felt like the Lord said to me "show him a more excellent way." So I decided to meet him. He was with his family at a restaurant. I was limited on time because I had appointments with my work and then an hour drive to pick up my daughter for her high school soccer game. I had warned him ahead of time I couldn't meet for long.

I walked in, saw them, went straight to them and smiled, hugged his neck, complimented on how well he looked after all of these years, met his young adult children, asked his wife about her father's health, made small talk. Then I got a phone call from my boss and walked away. After a few minutes a came back and the family was gone. He had shooed them off into the gift shop at the restaurant. Now it was just the two of us.

He motioned for me to step into a party room dining area that was unoccupied. We began talking more. I talked about God's goodness to me in spite of me and the difficulties of the past several years. He interrupted me. He talked about how much he appreciated my friendship during our Bible school years. He told me he had always kept up with where I was and what I was doing. Then he looked off into the distance, I guess trying to segue into his rebuke. He said "I have so much I want to say to you." I said "I'm sorry, but I don't have time. I really have to go. I cannot be late for my daughter. She would be very disappointed. She's counting on me to be there." He sighed. He said "you're right." I told him he could call me and we could talk some more if he wished. He said he would like to do that. He concluded with "I guess in the end I came all of this way to let you know...I love you." He was choking back tears saying it. I smiled and told him I loved him too. Then he embraced me fully and held me (awkward) and then proceeded to pray SUPER LOUD blessings and restoration and other good things for my life and ministry. Prying away from the too-long hug, I thanked him, walked out to the gift shop, told his family goodbye and headed out of the restaurant.

I saved his number in my phone. I'm still waiting for that phone call. I wonder if it will ever come? I will be happy to share with this man God's grace, the gospel of Jesus, the freedom that comes with a life in Christ, the fallacy of legalism, the joy of being secure in my salvation because of what Jesus has done for me, and the good place I am in now, with so many of the trials I have endured behind me.

No man can pluck me from God's hands. No one can steal my joy. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. No railing accusation will define who I am.

All that I am and ever hope to be---I owe it all to the One who saved me.

So, my AFF friends, if you are on the receiving end of being judged and accused of backsliding because you have progressed from your roots and background, kill em with kindness. If you are on the other end accusing, judging, deciding who is saved and who isn't---if you are truly in the right and what you believe is truth---love those back into the fold if you really want to influence them to "come home". Lining someone up---especially after years of little to no contact, with no investment in a relationship with them probably won't be readily received.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men.

Esaias · #2 09-25-2015, 09:59 AM

Aren't you judging this man for supposedly judging you?

n david · #3 09-25-2015, 10:15 AM

Did I miss something, or did your longtime friend give you bad information?

Quote:

"I guess in the end I came all of this way to let you know...I love you." He was choking back tears saying it.

Sounds like a good friend.

kclee4jc · #4 09-25-2015, 10:19 AM

Being nice to his face while ridiculing him on an online forum. Glad you showed him a better way!

ApostolicKitty · #5 09-25-2015, 11:30 AM

This is supposed to be a victory?

Sweet Pea · #6 09-25-2015, 11:49 AM

Deacon Blues, thank you for sharing your heart. I think that some who are ridiculing you for how you handled this are missing the whole point!!!! In response to some of the comments:

1) I don't think that the second friend gave you bad info. I think that your "heaping coals of fire" on your friend's head caused him to re-think what he was going to say to you.

2) I don't think you were "ridiculing" him on this forum. I think this was a testimony to loving people where they are in their journey. Your kindness to him obviously touched him and made him re-think what he wanted to say to you.

3) YES! It is a "victory." It is a victory that the two could meet and have some fellowship without one or the other trying to convert the other one to his way of thinking.

4) I don't see Deacon judging anyone!!! I see him willing to meet a friend who has a different viewpoint than his own and allowing God to lead and guide him in how to act.

Again, Deacon, thank you for sharing your heart! I will sometimes pop in to see what is going on. It was a treat to see your name and read your post. May God continue to lead and guide you. May He be very real and close to you in a special way today!

Esaias · #7 09-25-2015, 12:16 PM

Did Deacon find out from the horse' mouth that his friend had wanted to meet him to express a concern for his soul? Or was that just hearsay from some tale-bearer?

Sounds to me that - based on what Deacon posted here - Deacon just ASSUMED his old friend was out to 'judge' him, and 'condemn' him, and rant and rave against all Deacon's backsliding worldliness blah blah blah.

Never mind the following facts:

1. Someone who expresses concern over another person's walk with God, enough to speak to them and talk to them and ask them questions and pray for them etc, is apparently a legalistic (backslidden? unsaved?) condemning Pharisee bogey-man type. YET,

2. Someone who feels another is backslidden and lost and does nothing but avoid them and say nothing is ALSO considered mean, unkind, unloving, judgmental, confused, twisted, wrong, spiritually abusive, blah blah blah. THEREFORE, it seems that -

3. The only people genuinely right with God are people who don't care about others' walk with the Lord, who never confront to the person what they believe is error, and who instead just talk about others' behind their backs (online) making sly judgments and insinuations about their spiritual health.

Unless it is a 'conservative type' doing those things, then of course it's just bad bad bad, because we all know that Christians who believe things like Hollywood entertainment and jewelry and makeup and women dressing like men and wearing makeup or dressing like ho's or men being effeminate or whatever it may be is wrong are just bad bad bad to begin with, no matter what they do, bless their little hearts.

StillStanding · #8 09-25-2015, 12:19 PM

Deacon Blues, you are awesome! Thanks for sharing.

I have no doubt that the guy was sincere in feeling he was doing the Lord's work by needing to talk and "shake things up" for you. Although, an ambush strategy is not effective. He simply does not have enough friendship equity to pull it off.

deacon blues · #9 09-25-2015, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Pea

Deacon Blues, thank you for sharing your heart. I think that some who are ridiculing you for how you handled this are missing the whole point!!!! In response to some of the comments:

1) I don't think that the second friend gave you bad info. I think that your "heaping coals of fire" on your friend's head caused him to re-think what he was going to say to you.

2) I don't think you were "ridiculing" him on this forum. I think this was a testimony to loving people where they are in their journey. Your kindness to him obviously touched him and made him re-think what he wanted to say to you.

3) YES! It is a "victory." It is a victory that the two could meet and have some fellowship without one or the other trying to convert the other one to his way of thinking.

4) I don't see Deacon judging anyone!!! I see him willing to meet a friend who has a different viewpoint than his own and allowing God to lead and guide him in how to act.

Again, Deacon, thank you for sharing your heart! I will sometimes pop in to see what is going on. It was a treat to see your name and read your post. May God continue to lead and guide you. May He be very real and close to you in a special way today!

Thank you SP. I was hoping at least someone would understand what I was trying to communicate.

deacon blues · #10 09-25-2015, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillStanding

Deacon Blues, you are awesome! Thanks for sharing.

I have no doubt that the guy was sincere in feeling he was doing the Lord's work by needing to talk and "shake things up" for you. Although, an ambush strategy is not effective. He simply does not have enough friendship equity to pull it off.

My longtime friend is my best friend. He is still in the UPC. I trust him wholeheartedly. My best friend would not be making things up and leading me astray. We talk several times a week and have for the last 30 years. Originally the Bible school classmate was just going to show up without a phone call or forewarning. I'm thankful that the Lord gave me an opportunity to prepare my approach to this man. Otherwise it is very likely that I would have sinned and given him a piece of my mind.

I agree that the Bible school classmate was sincere yet ignorant. While I was working he stopped by the church to look at our building. A prayer group that meets weekly at our church happened to be there. He joined them in prayer and one of the ladies present said in his loud praying he made it very obvious that he thought I was in bad shape and that our church was in a bad place.

The Bible says he that wins souls is wise. Even if your doctrine is flawless if your methods are foolish, you won't win anyone.