Dear Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Originally Posted by Sister Truth Seeker

I was wanting so much to mirror back to you....I know it's so hard to see our own problems and it's so easy for others to give advice...as I told my mom the other day before you judge me "walk a mile in my shoes"...she backed off...

Love you Sis....

Sis. TS,

You should hear the song that Courtney Ballestero wrote...it is called "DANCE", and your dancing granny reminded me of it. I love and appreciate all you folks are doing to minister to me. Mirroring back to me makes me realize that I know what I know...I just need to follow my head.

Love & Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

Dear Rhoni,

How is dependence on God different from the issue of co-dependency? Help me to understand?

Wondering in Texas

Taken from another thread...

[Rhoni]

Dear Wondering,

Here are some things that may help you to understand the nature of co-dependency:

Co-Dependency Characteristics:
The primary identifying factor of co-dependency is the fact that the person/individual tends to take care of everyone around them in regards to; feelings, actions, words, everything to the neglect of themselves. The person who is co-dependent is a reactive individual who neglects to take action for him/her self.

The co-dependent person is characterized by having a dysfunctional relationship with others as well as themselves. They tend to live through others instead of for him or herself. Many times they are controlling and will blame others instead of taking responsibility for themselves and live in a state of 'Victimization' while trying to fix others. They generally will exhibit intense anxiety when it comes to intimacy issues.

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self
*Unable to trust your own feelings
*depression
*isolation
*Workaholism
*perfectionism
*no clear boundaries
*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others

__________________________________________________ ________

Co-dependency is quite common in those who come from dysfunctional homes, as well as those who's parents were alcoholics and/or addicts.

To be continued...

[Rhoni]

People with a co-dependent personality are often considered rescuers and are constantly trying to save people from the consequences of their behaviors. This enables the person they are trying to rescue to stay dependent on them for their well-being. They will go to great lengths to do this; giving money, lying for them, and defending them when it would be better to stay out of the middle of this person's problems. The actions/behaviors of the co-dependent person are many times well founded but executed in the wrong way. The co-dependent person needs to learn that the only one who's behaviors they can control are their own. Once the co-dependent person realizes this then they will be able to help the dysfunctional people in their lives start to take responsibility for their own actions.

[Rhoni]

Recovery for a Co-Dependent Person:

The prime objective to recovery in healing is to learn to take care of one's self and not worry about how others are going to get along. The thing that has to happen is that the co-dependent person needs to get in touch with their own feelings and actions and learn to DETACH from involvement in other people's affairs.

Detachment means using energy for yourself insted of using it on others and neglecting yourself. Understanding your own boundaries and making others do the same in regards to you is very important to the healing process of the co-dependent.

Giving your love, energy, emotions and person to a dysfunctional person is draining and can have a long-lasting effect on your life long after the individual is gone. Part of the healing process is to let go of the pain and then learn how to make your life happy again.

Blessings, Rhoni

[Rhoni]

*bump* for Falla

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Dear Wondering,

Here are some things that may help you to understand the nature of co-dependency:

Co-Dependency Characteristics:
The primary identifying factor of co-dependency is the fact that the person/individual tends to take care of everyone around them in regards to; feelings, actions, words, everything to the neglect of themselves. The person who is co-dependent is a reactive individual who neglects to take action for him/her self.

The co-dependent person is characterized by having a dysfunctional relationship with others as well as themselves. They tend to live through others instead of for him or herself. Many times they are controlling and will blame others instead of taking responsibility for themselves and live in a state of 'Victimization' while trying to fix others. They generally will exhibit intense anxiety when it comes to intimacy issues.

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self
*Unable to trust your own feelings
*depression
*isolation
*Workaholism
*perfectionism
*no clear boundaries
*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others

__________________________________________________ ________

Co-dependency is quite common in those who come from dysfunctional homes, as well as those who's parents were alcoholics and/or addicts.

To be continued...

At some point, though, living for oneself becomes pride and selfishness or, to use the language of that wicked worldly philosophy of psychology, narcissism.

Now, let's look at this list you presented (my responses are in blue):

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self - the Bible tells us to do exactly this in the last part of Philippians 2:3, "but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

*Unable to trust your own feelings - Jeremiah 17:9 (ASV) tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?" When we talk about feelings, we're talking about this thing called "the heart."

*depression - depression is another way for someone to focus on himself and, thus, is the sin of pride.

*isolation - There are two ways of looking at this: 1) the scripture that says "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (2 Corinthians 6:17 KJV) and; 2) the scripture that says "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25 KJV).

*Workaholism - A form of bondage and/or idolatry.

*perfectionism - "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 KJV).

*no clear boundaries - "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive" (Ephesians 4:14 KJV). "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8 KJV).

*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others - self-esteem is the sin of pride. Psychology tells us "self-esteem" but the Bible tells us "esteem others."

I'm not so sure that this "co-dependency" is really all that different from a person trying to control the people and circumstances around him.

[Malvaro]

Chan..... do you know the poster "Chance" by chance?

Originally Posted by Malvaro

Chan..... do you know the poster "Chance" by chance?

I don't recall seeing that name on the membership list for this forum.

[Rhoni]

Chan,

This is not a debate thread and I would appreciate you not coming in here. You have let yourself and your ideas be known on serveral forums and you will not shut this thread down...I am asking Admin to bar you from this thread. I also ask your thread be deleted from here.

Rhonda

Originally Posted by Chan

At some point, though, living for oneself becomes pride and selfishness or, to use the language of that wicked worldly philosophy of psychology, narcissism.

Now, let's look at this list you presented (my responses are in blue):

*always having to take care of others at the expense of your own self - the Bible tells us to do exactly this in the last part of Philippians 2:3, "but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

*Unable to trust your own feelings - Jeremiah 17:9 (ASV) tells us, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?" When we talk about feelings, we're talking about this thing called "the heart."

*depression - depression is another way for someone to focus on himself and, thus, is the sin of pride.

*isolation - There are two ways of looking at this: 1) the scripture that says "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you" (2 Corinthians 6:17 KJV) and; 2) the scripture that says "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching" (Hebrews 10:25 KJV).

*Workaholism - A form of bondage and/or idolatry.

*perfectionism - "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48 KJV).

*no clear boundaries - "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive" (Ephesians 4:14 KJV). "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8 KJV).

*low self-esteem - seeks the approval in others - self-esteem is the sin of pride. Psychology tells us "self-esteem" but the Bible tells us "esteem others."

I'm not so sure that this "co-dependency" is really all that different from a person trying to control the people and circumstances around him.