Emotional affair

[Tyk]

Christ taught on the condition of the heart.

What do you think Jesus would say if you asked him? Does it uphold honor? The Vow you took? Faithfulness? Is it Wise? Would you openly admit to your brothers, sisters, and pastor and yes wife, the situation with no guilt? Is wrong is the eyes of God the same is Sin?

[A_PoMo]

Originally Posted by Tyk

Christ taught on the condition of the heart.

What do you think Jesus would say if you asked him? Does it uphold honor? The Vow you took? Faithfulness? Is it Wise? Would you openly admit to your brothers, sisters, and pastor and yes wife, the situation with no guilt? Is wrong is the eyes of God the same is Sin?

I don't think anybody is arguing that an emotional affair isn't wrong. We all agree that it's wrong. I think the original question was is it adultery as defined in the Bible?

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by IsolatedSaint

1. What is the purpose of going to church? That's a whole nother thread in and of itself. But I can assure you that I don't get any of my so-called emotional needs met attending church services.....at least not lately. You call just getting a bunch of lame handshakes fulfillng?

No interaction, no nothing!!! Don't get me started on how I feel about local churches or organized religion in general cause I'll probably end up getting banned from this board.

Being edified and built up in the spirit.....if that's what you mean by having your emotional needs met, fine....but I can assure you that isn't going on in any of the churches in my area.

So you feel you need nothing and no one?

[SOUNWORTHY]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

#24 07-19-2008, 10:37 AM
rgcraig
Prettiest Bride! Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Collierville, TN
Posts: 13,501

Re: Emotional affair

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxfam6
I would say I agree with you. My point is that not all emtional attachments should be classified as affairs. There are emotional attachments that will never go beyond the friendship that is there. There are other cases, as we have seen reported, that go past friendship and become sin.

And I agree with you.

And so do I.

[IsolatedSaint]

Originally Posted by jaxfam6

So you feel you need nothing and no one?

Not exactly.....quite the contrary....but as it stands now I'm in this position of isolation(hence the term isolatedsaint)not by choice
but I will survive and thrive in spite of being pushed aside, cast aside, ignored
and yes I don't need to be in a church where there is no interaction....either I have to be giving/imparting something to others or they have to be giving/imparting something of value to me....relational christianity is where it's at and it means more than just going to a church and singing 3 songs, taking up an offering, here a sermon preach and essentially after that go home and the services being exactly the same every time.

Organized, institutionalized church(including oneness pentecostal ones) is done, finished anyway......stick a fork in it and bury it!!!

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by IsolatedSaint

Not exactly.....quite the contrary....but as it stands now I'm in this position of isolation(hence the term isolatedsaint)not by choice
but I will survive and thrive in spite of being pushed aside, cast aside, ignored
and yes I don't need to be in a church where there is no interaction....either I have to be giving/imparting something to others or they have to be giving/imparting something of value to me....relational christianity is where it's at and it means more than just going to a church and singing 3 songs, taking up an offering, here a sermon preach and essentially after that go home and the services being exactly the same every time.

Organized, institutionalized church(including oneness pentecostal ones) is done, finished anyway......stick a fork in it and bury it!!!

What's your first name Isolated?

[Aquila]

I don’t think it’s “adultery” unless physical romance or the actual desire for physical romance begins. It’s definitely a symptom of a marriage that’s slowly dying.

For example, let’s consider a hypothetical story of a married couple named Jack and Diane, just two American kids growing up in the heartland….

Jack works full time and pulls overtime when he can. He’s involved at church and is even taking college classes here and there. Diane works too as sales support in a major corporation. Jack is under a lot of stress. He just can’t seem to get ahead in his job, though he’s pouring as much as he can into it. He felt a call to preach but getting permission to fulfill that calling seems to be like the day that never comes. He can preach circles around his peers and even many twice his age…but instead of this helping him…it’s also his greatest curse. His studies aren’t going all that well either. So he drops out of school. He dedicates himself to work and church believing that God’s “going to open that door”. His wife believes in him…looks up to him…and has prepared her heart to go anywhere and do anything for the kingdom. They’ve even repeatedly been told that the call on their life is obvious. Days, months, years roll by….they’re stagnant and have gone nowhere in spite of all the prayer, consecration and their time, effort, and participation at church. Jack becomes bitter, distrusting of ministry, feeling like a failure, feeling rejected, and is essentially in a deep depression. He finds his only “outlet” for the spiritual fire burning in his bones to be Apostolic online forums. There he can share the truth, debate the things he has questions about, share what he sees as possibilities, and he feels like somehow, he can be what he was meant to be out in cyberspace. Diane has also lost faith. She’s lost faith in the church as she’s seen her husband sidelined at every turn in spite of their efforts and sacrifice. She’s lost faith in her husband because he’s lost faith in himself. When they were young and married the prophesies were pouring forth and they both had grand dreams of ministering together. Ahhh….but he’s just a bum. She got a bad bill of goods when she married him. He just never got the breaks some guys seem to get. Maybe he never had what it takes and everyone was just lying to him. If the prophesies were true, it was obviously God playing a cruel trick on them to teach some object lesson to those he’s actually chosen. When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickity, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting wishing she had his affection, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition. Doors are opening on her job. She’s moving up fast really. Making contacts, friends, networking. She knows people, successful people. Bright people. Optimistic people. She meets Stan. He’s a district sales supervisor. The man makes three or four times as much as her husband. He’s smart, educated, successful, positive. He also goes out of his way to hear her. She begins to feel an “office crush” on him. She talks to a few friends about it at work and they giggle at the girl talk. Sure, she thinks about Stan…but she has no intention on ever acting on those thoughts. She loves her husband, she hates the person he’s become. Meanwhile the car’s breaking down and her husband’s yelling about how they can’t afford to get it fixed. He’s facing possible layoffs now. His dreams are shattered and his tone always shows it. When he speaks to her it cuts like a knife. But when Stan speaks to her she feels….good and hopeful. She becomes Stan’s administrative assistant and is showing promise of being elevated to regional sales. She’s got the goods…she can’t help it…but she’s starting to feel like her husband’s dead weight. In all honesty, she’s right. She doesn’t plan on leaving her husband. She loves her husband. But she has taken all she can take about the situation. She lives for her work world where she’s successful and where a real man makes her feel good about herself and life in general. Their relationship never gets physical…but they’re close. Real close. Her husband finds out and goes ballistic. Now he’s hurt, paranoid, doesn’t trust her, things get verbally abusive and both are talking divorce though neither want it. He demands she quit her job, she’s unwilling. Like a bird upon the wind, that career is her sky. While they love each other, circumstances have become such that staying together could destroy them both. But they’re trying….seeking outside counseling for objective advice. Now he’s feeling like some crazy smothering jealous husband….and doesn’t even trust his own emotions. He’s staring into the mirror at night asking himself, “Am I going crazy?”; pleading, “God, what did I do wrong?” Sometimes he just thinks about taking every pill in the medicine cabinet, slip into bed next to his wife like it’s a normal night, tell her he loves her. Embrace her….and then slowly die in the night with her in his arms; her closeness and warmth his last memory. Fade to black.

Where did the “emotional affair” start? Could it have started here?..…

When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickety, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting… wishing she had his affection, his attention, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition.

Her husband neglected her. The affair began with him and his online affirmation quest. Was he doing anything immoral? No. He was talking about the Lord most of the night. But he wasn’t talking to her. And that caused her to have to find what she needed in someone else. Sure, it’s easy to accuse her. It’s easy to judge her. But he was putting her through Hades and neglecting her emotional needs. He’s the sinner. That’s why God rejected him.

[Jack Shephard]

Originally Posted by Aquila

I don’t think it’s “adultery” unless physical romance or the actual desire for physical romance begins. It’s definitely a symptom of a marriage that’s slowly dying.

For example, let’s consider a hypothetical story of a married couple named Jack and Diane, just two American kids growing up in the heartland….

Jack works full time and pulls overtime when he can. He’s involved at church and is even taking college classes here and there. Diane works too as sales support in a major corporation. Jack is under a lot of stress. He just can’t seem to get ahead in his job, though he’s pouring as much as he can into it. He felt a call to preach but getting permission to fulfill that calling seems to be like the day that never comes. He can preach circles around his peers and even many twice his age…but instead of this helping him…it’s also his greatest curse. His studies aren’t going all that well either. So he drops out of school. He dedicates himself to work and church believing that God’s “going to open that door”. His wife believes in him…looks up to him…and has prepared her heart to go anywhere and do anything for the kingdom. They’ve even repeatedly been told that the call on their life is obvious. Days, months, years roll by….they’re stagnant and have gone nowhere in spite of all the prayer, consecration and their time, effort, and participation at church. Jack becomes bitter, distrusting of ministry, feeling like a failure, feeling rejected, and is essentially in a deep depression. He finds his only “outlet” for the spiritual fire burning in his bones to be Apostolic online forums. There he can share the truth, debate the things he has questions about, share what he sees as possibilities, and he feels like somehow, he can be what he was meant to be out in cyberspace. Diane has also lost faith. She’s lost faith in the church as she’s seen her husband sidelined at every turn in spite of their efforts and sacrifice. She’s lost faith in her husband because he’s lost faith in himself. When they were young and married the prophesies were pouring forth and they both had grand dreams of ministering together. Ahhh….but he’s just a bum. She got a bad bill of goods when she married him. He just never got the breaks some guys seem to get. Maybe he never had what it takes and everyone was just lying to him. If the prophesies were true, it was obviously God playing a cruel trick on them to teach some object lesson to those he’s actually chosen. When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickity, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting wishing she had his affection, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition. Doors are opening on her job. She’s moving up fast really. Making contacts, friends, networking. She knows people, successful people. Bright people. Optimistic people. She meets Stan. He’s a district sales supervisor. The man makes three or four times as much as her husband. He’s smart, educated, successful, positive. He also goes out of his way to hear her. She begins to feel an “office crush” on him. She talks to a few friends about it at work and they giggle at the girl talk. Sure, she thinks about Stan…but she has no intention on ever acting on those thoughts, loves her husband, she hates the person he’s become. Meanwhile the car’s breaking down and her husband’s yelling about how they can’t afford to get it fixed. He’s facing possible layoffs now. His dreams are shattered and his tone always shows it. When he speaks to her it cuts like a knife. But when Stan speaks to her she feels….good and hopeful. She becomes Stan’s administrative assistant and is showing promise of being elevated to regional sales. She’s got the goods…she can’t help it…but she’s starting to feel like her husband’s dead weight. In all honesty, she’s right. She doesn’t plan on leaving her husband. She loves her husband. But she has taken all she can take about the situation. She lives for her work world where she’s successful and where a real man makes her feel good about herself and life in general. Their relationship never gets physical…but they’re close. Real close. Her husband finds out and goes ballistic. Now he’s hurt, paranoid, doesn’t trust her, things get verbally abusive and both are talking divorce though neither want it. He demands she quit her job, she’s unwilling. Like a bird upon the wind, that career is her sky. While they love each other, circumstances have become such that staying together could destroy them both. But they’re trying….seeking outside counseling for objective advice. Now he’s feeling like some crazy smothering jealous husband….and doesn’t even trust his own emotions. He’s staring into the mirror at night asking himself, “Am I going crazy?”; pleading, “God, what did I do wrong?” Sometimes he just thinks about taking every pill in the medicine cabinet, slip into bed next to his wife like it’s a normal night, tell her he loves her. Embrace her….and then slowly die in the night with her in his arms; her closeness and warmth his last memory. Fade to black.

Where did the “emotional affair” start? Could it have started here?..…

When home together they don’t even sit in the same rooms except when sleeping. He’s always in the den on the computer typing away, “clickity, clackity, clickety, clackity”. She sits on the couch wilting… wishing she had his affection, his attention, wishing things were the way they used to be when they were full of hope and ambition.

Her husband neglected her. The affair began with him and his online affirmation quest. Was he doing anything immoral? No. He was talking about the Lord most of the night. But he wasn’t talking to her. And that caused her to have to find what she needed in someone else. Sure, it’s easy to accuse her. It’s easy to judge her. But he was putting her through Hades and neglecting her emotional needs. He’s the sinner. That’s why God rejected him.

I am not sure it matters 'when' it starts, but that one is going on at all...I think an emotional affair is more serious than a strict physical one. I have know husbands and wives that forgave a spouse for a physical affair, but have seen families torn up over emotional ones. i.e. people addicted to porn is an emotional thing more than physical IMO and this can rip a family up more than a spouse cheating on the other again IMO.

[Aquila]

I think it matters if they plan on working through it.

Honestly, I think you're right on a lot there. I personally could forgive a strictly physical affair or even my spouse using adult entertainment. For me the emotional affair is worse even without physical relations. Because I'd be knowing that she's closer to an "actual person" of the opposite gender, spending time with them, laughing with them, connecting to them, leaving me behind.

[rgcraig]

[QUOTE=jaxfam6;568281]see what I mean?

[quote=A_PoMo;568266]
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxfam6


Just to clarify, I didn't say that. Isolated said that.

I know that but what is up with the quotes?

This was posted ABOVE the actual box:

Originally Posted by IsolatedSaint

I am not the one that posted: " Just to clarify, I didn't say that. Isolated said that. "

Something very strange going on here today

I'm trying to clean things up.

This happens when someone leaves off a bracket to a quote.

Should be fixed now.