View Full Version : Housemate Question
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 02:06 PM
I am in a rent-to-own situation here in the Sunshine State for the home I am living in for the next 2 years. So the house is mine for now.
As it is my house, I want to have roommates. In fact, it would be very wise for me to have housemates.
So, one of the guys that really wants to move in is single, straight and not in a relationship with anyone right now. However, in the future, he will be and wants to have the liberty to "spend the night with her" in our place, when the time comes.
I am having a hard time with this. He's a grown man like me and so I COMPLETELY understand.
On one hand if he is paying rent and is otherwise respectful of his housemates and the house, there should not be a problem. In fact, he should feel the liberty to do what he wants, to an extent.
On the other hand, it's my house. My housemates are not saved, but I am. I can only live my life for me, but what about stuff that they do or don't do that is sinful... am I responsible for that?
If I allow it to happen (as in tell him when the time comes, it's ok just as long as she doesn't start living with you), am I codifying or in agreement with his sin?
If the answer is yes, would the only solution to get around situations like be to not have housemates at all-- or maybe only saved housemates?
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 02:38 PM
I am in a rent-to-own situation here in the Sunshine State for the home I am living in for the next 2 years. So the house is mine for now.
As it is my house, I want to have roommates. In fact, it would be very wise for me to have housemates.
So, one of the guys that really wants to move in is single, straight and not in a relationship with anyone right now. However, in the future, he will be and wants to have the liberty to "spend the night with her" in our place, when the time comes.
I am having a hard time with this. He's a grown man like me and so I COMPLETELY understand.
On one hand if he is paying rent and is otherwise respectful of his housemates and the house, there should not be a problem. In fact, he should feel the liberty to do what he wants, to an extent.
On the other hand, it's my house. My housemates are not saved, but I am. I can only live my life for me, but what about stuff that they do or don't do that is sinful... am I responsible for that?
If I allow it to happen (as in tell him when the time comes, it's ok just as long as she doesn't start living with you), am I codifying or in agreement with his sin?
If the answer is yes, would the only solution to get around situations like be to not have housemates at all-- or maybe only saved housemates?
Problem is you don't just have to deal with him but his girlfriend now. Is she gonna stay the night? Go home in the morning? Is she gonna shower and hang around and use your utilities?
As this progresses, if it does, you'll probably start to get peeved that she is here every weekend like she lives there.
Aside from other issues like noise "ahem", she might actually be pleasant to have around and maybe she cleans! who knows. But I know from experience that once it starts the convenience can become too convenient with her staying a day or more...rent free
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 02:49 PM
Problem is you don't just have to deal with him but his girlfriend now. Is she gonna stay the night? Go home in the morning? Is she gonna shower and hang around and use your utilities?
As this progresses, if it does, you'll probably start to get peeved that she is here every weekend like she lives there.
Aside from other issues like noise "ahem", she might actually be pleasant to have around and maybe she cleans! who knows. But I know from experience that once it starts the convenience can become too convenient with her staying a day or more...rent free
Well I am not concerned about that as much as what they may be doing.
I don't want to be connected to their sin, held accountable for their sin. I mean, am I making any sense at all in thinking that if they sin under my roof with my full knowledge that it will happen eventually, ahead of time, should I do something to not let it happen?
Or is his life his life and what he does have no bearing on my own life?
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 02:52 PM
Well I am not concerned about that as much as what they may be doing.
I don't want to be connected to their sin, held accountable for their sin. I mean, am I making any sense at all in thinking that if they sin under my roof with my full knowledge that it will happen eventually, ahead of time, should I do something to not let it happen?
Or is his life his life and what he does have no bearing on my own life?
Then you need to find someone that agrees with you, a Christian, and make him sign an agreement
Like Prax I think the situation can be looked at as completely seperate from the morality of it.
If you are the one who is responsible for the home and are the one renting the rooms then you set the rules. It is very reasonable that one of them be no overnight guests.
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 02:55 PM
Then you need to find someone that agrees with you, a Christian, and make him sign an agreement
IMPOSSIBLE!
Apparently Christians don't need a place to live in Orlando.
I've already marketed for Christian roommates. No takers.
If I let this guy move in, knowing that eventually he will sin, willfully, probably repeatedly, I am helping him to sin, aren't I?
Years ago one of my sons was living with his girlfriend in another state. My other son was getting married and asked his brother to be his best man. When my son came home with his girlfriend, I put them in separate rooms. How could I be a testimony to this girl and still allow their 'sin' to be practiced in my home? They both respected my wishes.
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 02:59 PM
IMPOSSIBLE!
Apparently Christians don't need a place to live in Orlando.
I've already marketed for Christian roommates. No takers.
If I let this guy move in, knowing that eventually he will sin, willfully, probably repeatedly, I am helping him to sin, aren't I?
As I was saying and CC pointed out, there are other reasons for not allowing sleep over guests
BTW did you also advertise for muslims or Jews? What about mormons?
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 03:08 PM
As I was saying and CC pointed out, there are other reasons for not allowing sleep over guests
BTW did you also advertise for muslims or Jews? What about mormons?
No, no and no.
I explicitly mentioned that I was looking for Christians and other morally straight guys....
I was kind of leaning towards not letting that guy move in with us anyway.
Great guy. Awesome personality.
But I guess I should draw a line in the sand somewhere.
You know CC1, I thought "no overnight guests" was a reasonable house rule as well.
Good to go then.
He's not moving in.
Thanks everyone.
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 03:18 PM
No, no and no.
I explicitly mentioned that I was looking for Christians and other morally straight guys....
I was kind of leaning towards not letting that guy move in with us anyway.
Great guy. Awesome personality.
But I guess I should draw a line in the sand somewhere.
You know CC1, I thought "no overnight guests" was a reasonable house rule as well.
Good to go then.
He's not moving in.
Thanks everyone.
How about going around to all churches, temples, mosques and synagogues and tell them what you are looking for?
Jermyn, I'd be careful how I approach this from a legal point of view. Framing it correctly is important.
Property owners and managers are subject to the federal Fair Housing Act, which prohibits "any preference, limitation, or discrimination because of race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or intention to make such preference, limitation or discrimination."
Ultimately you will decide who to rent to ... but you may want to start with a credit check.
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 03:29 PM
Jermyn, I'd be careful how I approach this from a legal point of view. Framing it correctly is important.
Property owners and managers are subject to the federal Fair Housing Act, which prohibits "any preference, limitation, or discrimination because of race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or intention to make such preference, limitation or discrimination."
Ultimately you will decide who to rent to ... but you may want to start with a credit check.
Thanks Dan.
I KNOW I have said on my advertisements in the past, "ALL ARE WELCOME".
All are, if they can live by the house rules.
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 03:30 PM
Yeah,here you can't advertise in the newspaper for a Christian. You can say "nice room in Christian home" I think
Jermyn Davidson
08-29-2010, 03:38 PM
Yeah,here you can't advertise in the newspaper for a Christian. You can say "nice room in Christian home" I think
I use words like, "laid back", "morally straight", "honest" and "no tolerance for drugs and smoking".
I have used "Christian" prominently on some of the ads, but not all of them.
Some people see the word, "Christian" and think "sucker for my sob story as to why I can't pay so much", unfortunately. Down here, I see it all the time, especially since I have been looking for roommates.
Everyone is a "Christian" when they're in desperate need, it seems.
Praxeas
08-29-2010, 06:19 PM
That's why I suggest going directly to the churches themselves and asking the pastors
jfrog
08-29-2010, 06:36 PM
If you have a roommate and he sins you are not responsible. That being said, if he plans on having a gf over alot then that most likely will become an issue later.
seguidordejesus
08-29-2010, 10:26 PM
Your house, your rules. Sign a contract.
whoami
08-30-2010, 08:13 AM
If I allow it to happen (as in tell him when the time comes, it's ok just as long as she doesn't start living with you), am I codifying or in agreement with his sin?
I haven't read all the responses. My opinion - people are going to sin. If you got a Christian housemate who had exactly the same beliefs as you, they would certainly still at some point commit some sort of sin in your house. Maybe it would be something not as noticeable, and you wouldn't have any knowledge of it so you wouldn't feel responsible, but sin (of some sort) will happen at some point with everyone. So, I wouldn't worry so much about feeling responsible for their sin just because he lives in your house. I'd be more concerned with the practical issues - noise (*snicker*) etc.
So for me, if I thought I could handle all the 'practical' issues with the housemate having a girlfriend spend the night, I'd respond to their "if I become your housemate will I be allowed to have a girlfriend spend the night" with something like "I can't control what you do... but here are my questions about that. Would you be having someone spend the night, or basically live here on the weekends?" or something like that. Then you could make the decision based on their responses to such questions about whether you think they'd be respectful to your home and your preferences. JMO
berkeley
08-30-2010, 10:23 AM
Yeah,here you can't advertise in the newspaper for a Christian. You can say "nice room in Christian home" I think
You are also not allowed to specify male or female. Love CA. :)
Aquila
08-30-2010, 02:52 PM
If you decide to excuse the sin by taking the sinner in, you might want to have "Christian fellowship" on occasion and invite them. In a way, you might have a captive audience.
As for their private lives. I'd ask that they be respectful, keep noise down, and she not "move in" or I'd demand she pay part of the rent.
Think of it as being a "live in landlord". I'm sure Christian landlords rent out to couples in sin all the time. What an opportunity to be a witness!
You'll be a light by your own behavior and disposition. They might start feeling "guilty" and meet elsewhere. Or she might get "convicted" and say no to his advances at some point.
I don't know. I'm just rambling. LOL
mfblume
08-30-2010, 03:51 PM
I would not allow this to occur in my house, personally.
Light
08-30-2010, 04:45 PM
No, no and no.
I explicitly mentioned that I was looking for Christians and other morally straight guys....
People call themselves christian all the time, doesn't make it true. For example former RNC chairman Ken Mehiman ranted and raved about gay people claiming to be christian. Turns out he was a in the closet gay the whole time.
coadie
08-30-2010, 07:03 PM
People call themselves christian all the time, doesn't make it true. For example former RNC chairman Ken Mehiman ranted and raved about gay people claiming to be christian. Turns out he was a in the closet gay the whole time.
Which are better? Gays in the closet or the ones outside the closet? I don't understand the liberal minds.
Barney Fwank seems to have roomate problems also. I guess a roomate ran a prostitution ring out of Barney's place.
Aquila
08-31-2010, 08:40 AM
I liked the idea of going to various pastors to see if they knew of someone who would make a suitable room mate.
berkeley
08-31-2010, 10:18 AM
I would not allow this to occur in my house, personally.
Likewise. How could you overlook something like that and be a Christian. :)
Baron1710
08-31-2010, 11:14 AM
Jermyn, I'd be careful how I approach this from a legal point of view. Framing it correctly is important.
Property owners and managers are subject to the federal Fair Housing Act, which prohibits "any preference, limitation, or discrimination because of race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or intention to make such preference, limitation or discrimination."
Ultimately you will decide who to rent to ... but you may want to start with a credit check.
You are not correct sir. Fair Housing Act does not apply to renting a room if the individual is not reciving federal aid for their housing.
"As made applicable by section 803 of this title and except as exempted by sections 803(b) and 807 of this title, it shall be unlawful-- "
(b)Nothing in section 804 of this title (other than subsection (c)) shall apply to--
(1) any single-family house sold or rented by an owner: Provided, That such private individual owner does not own more than three such single-family houses at any one time...
2)rooms or units in dwellings containing living quarters occupied or intended to be occupied by no more than four families living independently of each other, if the owner actually maintains and occupies one of such living quarters as his residence.
vBulletin® v3.8.5, Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.