Hymn #365
 

Hymn #365

This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

OH that is so cute...gave me a good :heeheehee

Thanks! That's why I posted it.......to bring a smile to AFFs today! :)

You need to copy that over on the worn out song thread!! :toofunny

:toofunny:toofunny:toofunny:toofunny:toofunny:ouch :ouch:tantrum

funny stuff pm, first time i heard that you were 12, lol,dt:tantrum

I need to find something in my memory box. A guy I dated once made a whole story up using titles from our song book during church.

It's pretty funny!

The Dentist's Hymn - "Crown Him with Many Crowns"
The TV Weatherman's Hymn - "There Shall be Showers of Blessing"
The Contractor's Hymn - "The Church's one Foundation"
The Tailor's Hymn - "Holy, Holy, Holy"
The Golfer's Hymn - "There is a Green Hill Far Away"
The Politician's Hymn - "Standing on the Promises"
The Optometrist's Hymn -"Open Mine Eyes that I Might See"
The IRS Hymn - "All to Thee"
The Gossiper's Hymn - "Pass it On"
The Electrician's Hymn - "Send the Light"
The Shopper's Hymn - "Sweet by and by"

If you MUST speed on the highway -- sing these hymns loudly:
at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"
at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"
at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"
at 75 mph... "Nearer Still Nearer"
at 85 mph... "This World is not my Home"
at 95 mph.... "Lord, I'm Coming Home"
at 100 mph.... "Precious Memories

A minister was taking prayer requests one night. A lady stood up and requested prayer for her problem. She just went on and on about how she couldn't use the bathroom. Finally the minister turned to the song leader and motioned for her to start singing. With a smirky grin on her face she begin to sing "I shall not be I shall not be moved"

LOL

I needed a laugh today. Thanks

OH you guys these are so cute and so funny....clever, amuzing...and entertaining....lol:toofunny

and then there's mis-sung lyrics....
 

"stand beside her and guide her through the night with a light from a bulb"

"We shall come to Joyce's bringing in the cheese"

"while shepherds washed their socks by night

"He rules the world, with Ruth and Grace!"

"Hark the hairy angels sing..."

:slaphappy:slaphappy:slaphappy:slaphappy:slaphappy :slaphappy:slaphappy

"Mama don't allow no shoutin, round here..."

"He will hear our famous cry....."

"Have a little chocolate Jesus"

"Olive oil" (I'll live on)

This is actually one that I thought when I was young, the line in "His Name is Jesus" where it goes "sad hearts weep no more", what I heard was "San Joaquin is poor"!!! I just could not figure that out!!! I was very embarrassed when I finally realized what it was saying. :toofunny

Or the candy song,
"Let us have a little chocolate Jesus"

or another song is
"The constipated cross-eyed bear"

My cousin, Shana, when she was 3 or 4 used to sing He is Lord He is Lord, He has ribbons on his head and He is Lord.

When I was about the same age, I used to sing Little Miss Muffett.. God is in it! :D

One chorus I remember from VCC days had words like:

"Let the weak say I am strong,
Let the poor say I am rich,"

I used to wonder if we couldn't add words like:

"Let the bald say I have hair,
Let the fat say I am thin,
Let the old say I am young,"

I belong to a group called FGBMFI (Full Gospel Business Men's Fellowship International). We have a monthly breakfast/business meeting, a monthly dinner meeting, and a monthly prayer meeting. One man, who is now deceased, used to pray that God would pour out His "shemima" glory. Whenever he would pray this way I (carnally) would think of Aunt Jemima and see her smiling face in my mind.

One person told me that when she used to hear "bringing in the sheaves" she thought they were singing "bringing in the cheese."

Another person thought they were singing "bringing in the sheep."

Bringing in machines.