You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Just wondering if there might be any Rednecks on AFF. If so how would you identify them?

Okay....Here's one. "You might be an AFF Redneck if you believe Elder Epley agrees with everyone on this forum!"

Been Thinkin

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

If you have more cars in your yard, then teeth in your mouth ,you might be a redneck.

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Are you calling rednecks stupid?

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Mmmm... Normally I am pretty good at this except I am finding that the concept of "AFF Redneck" doesn't lend itself to particularly good humor.

Now if we were to come up with EA Redneck (Everyone's Apostolic) jokes, they practically write themselves!

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Now that's as wrong as two boys kissin!






:heeheehee

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Your church could be considered a redneck church if......

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to lift (help in receiving) the offering", five guys and two women stand up.

You know a sista who got her hair caught in a ceiling fan.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of,"

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

They are known as "water dogs" because they baptize by immersion.

Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

Some of the bruthas and sistas bring a spit cup with them to church.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as "branding."

The water is really dirty after footwashing.

There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ set the dogs to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized livestock watering trough.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Come on! You AFFers seem to be afraid to step out and "partake!"

You might be an "AFF Redneck" if you think Miss Brattified doesn't have an opinion about anything.

You might be an "AFF Redneck" if you think that "NOW" is the kindest and easiest AFFer to get along with! (Wait and see!!!!) :icecream

You might be an "AFF Redneck" if you think DAII has no "bone to pick" with anyone!

Come on...help me out. I don't want to be the only one "in trouble" on AFF.

Been Thinkin

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

You might be a Redneck if you think Cindy won't whop you upside the head! :smack

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

:highfive

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

I think some of y'all might be rednecks in disguise.

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

If you ever missed a best friends wedding because it was on a Saturday night and out of town and you didn't have you pastors permission to miss church the next morning, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever felt guilty watching a slide show because the frames switched too fast and thus appeared too much like video, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever gave up a new job in another town because your pastor did not give permission to move, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you ever averted your eyes while walking through the electronics section of Sears because of the TV's on the wall (no matter that it was only a Sears Kenmore appliance commercial in a continual loop) you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you EVER thought someone was lost despite their overall apostolic appearance -because you caught a glimpse of elbow, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you attended bible college expecting to graduate with a 70K a year salary, Lincoln, and prized parking spot, and being honored as "God's Anointed", you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you dated your soon-to-be wife ONLY after getting your pastors permission, and now 15 years later sorta wish he wouldn't have given it, you MAY be an apostolic redneck!

And finally, if you feel the best way to grow the church is to have as many children as possible (giving them all names with the same 1st letter of course) you may be a redneck -apostolic or otherwise.

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

Thanks RandyWayne you made me laugh! I see you've been there and probably got the tee shirt! Oh, but wait, you can't wear it! (Elbow...you know!)

You might be an AFF Redneck if you think that Old Paths II believes all that stuff. (Oh, he really does? You're kidding aren't you???) :foottap

Been Thinkin

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

You might be an AFF Redneck if you think Sister Alvear doesn't really believe in women being in the ministry!

Sis. Alvear your name belongs in the 3 persons list on another thread. You are awesome, and a "Godly" lady and a successful person of God! Ignore the naysayers and keep up your work for God!

Been Thinkin

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

If you have ever rejoiced when someone repented. Rejoiced when someone received the Holy Ghost. Rejoiced when someone was baptized, but saved the REAL rejoicing for when they showed up in a dress or shaved and looking the part, you ARE an apostolic redneck!

If you ever got out of square dancing in gym class, then your parents are apostolic rednecks. :)

If you ever stopped talking to you best friend after they left your current church for another because it was demanded from the platform that they be shunned, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If your wife goes through a whole can of hairspray on a single Sunday, you may be an apostolic redneck.

If you always call theaters "movie houses" or swimming "mixed bathing", or calling anyone who discovered even a sliver of liberty a "backslider", you may be an apostolic redneck.

And finally, if you refuse to run from any danger -not because you feel God will protect you, but because your wife has uncut hair, you may be an apostolic redneck.

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

An AFF Redneck for sure.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ysgUWu2UQE

Isn't this the way we argue sometimes?

Been Thinkin

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

AMEN!!!!

Re: You might be an AFF Redneck if.......
 

If the King James Version was good enough for Paul, you may be an Apostolic redneck.