Getting Married
 

Alright, so me and my boyfriend have been living together for 5 years and have a 3 year old son. I got back into church and after some planning and discussing, we are getting married in June! Woot woot! I want to be a good wife. This may be dumb but does anyone have any advice or opinions on it? Anything bible supported? Really, im looking for anything at all, lol.

Re: Getting Married
 

My rule of thumb is to try to always treat my wife with at least the same respect and courtesy I would treat a stranger on the street. Has proven to be a good reminder for me. It's amazing how some married people treat each other, in my opinion.

Re: Getting Married
 

As far as the ceremony goes, I have one word of advice (OK, two), Vegas Baby!

Re: Getting Married
 

Treat each other with grace. Understand that you're both fallen creatures and you will fail and frustrate one another at times. Don't demand perfection. Don't demand absolute fulfillment and identity from your spouse, only Jesus can bring absolute fulfillment and identity. Every marriage has ups and downs, take things one day at a time and don't sweat the small stuff. Learn to laugh... even at your failures and your spouses failures. Understand both of you are "under construction". Remove the "D" word from your vocabularies. Anything short of physical abuse and violence toward yourself or your children can be worked out with much prayer, understanding, and counsel. Seek to assist each other in fulfilling the other's dreams. Be the wind between the other's wings. Always remember you're "partners" and never move into the realm of being adversaries. If your partner fails you or even sins against God, that's your partner with a weakness, not the enemy. See each other as the Father sees you... with an imputed righteousness housed in earthen vessels.

Learn to forgive.
Learn to laugh.
Always love.

Re: Getting Married
 

First of all I want to say congratulations.

I would say that one of the main things is to agree that divorce is not an option. When you enter a marriage with the attitude that if it doesn't work out I can always get a divorce, then most of the time that is what happens.

Pray for your spouse. Pray that you can be the wife that he needs but also that he can be the husband that you need and together you can be the parents your child(ren) need.

There is a saying that a family that prays together stays together. That is true.

Also, never go to bed mad at each other. My pastor said if you have to stay up all night and fight but don't go to bed mad.

Re: Getting Married
 

just obey your husband in everything. :)

Re: Getting Married
 

I recommend the book Families Where Grace Is In Place by Jeff Van Vonderen.

Re: Getting Married
 

Wow, so much great response! I appreciate all your great advice and will take all of it to heart(except maybe the one where i do everything my husband tells me to do, lol)

Re: Getting Married
 

The bolded is a BIG one. I totally agree.

Re: Getting Married
 

I was talking to a friend about this. He said that it's also important to build your dreams "together". Often one person's dream isn't what the other desires. I personally know what it's like to be called to ministry and discover that your spouse has very little interest or desire to be married to a man in ministry. Be SURE you have unified vision for the future.

Re: Getting Married
 

Why get married? Why not just keep fornicating and forget about all the hassle of marriage?

Just curious.

Nice. She has been out of church, and prob feels conviction to get married and not do that any longer.

Carry on with your constructive advice.

Re: Getting Married
 

Congratulations on your decision to get married.
After living together for 5 years, I'm sure you know
enought about each other just as any married couple
would. I think y'all will do fine! Just keep the respect
and lines of communication going strong! :)

Re: Getting Married
 

Always put your spouses happiness above your own.
Never act selfishly toward him/her.
Make his/her goals your priority.
As a woman, learn to submit. As a man, learn to make decisions with prayer.

Re: Getting Married
 

I don't know....let's see....

Don't try to control the other person.
Let them be who they are and love them completely as they are.
Go on regular dates.
Appreciate quirks instead of letting them annoy you.
Respect and serve one another in love.
Bite your tongue more than you speak your mind, and never embarrass or shame your spouse in public.
Don't put your spouse down to your friends or family.
Keep disagreements as private as possible, because the two of you will make up, but friends and family will remember.
Lots of hugs and kisses. :)
Have a sense of humor.

Re: Getting Married
 

You could just throw the bum out and marry a real man... like me!

Just kidding. I appreciate your honesty and commend you for putting the Lord first in your life, your relationship and your eventual marriage.

Re: Getting Married
 

Make a list of as many reasons as you can think of of reasons you love this man. Be detailed with it.

Then when he does something you are angry about, grab that list and read it - over and over and over if you need to. Eventually it will dawn on you that he probably has a whole lot more reasons for you TO love him than he does for you NOT to love him :)

By the way, just a curiosity question: You said that YOU recently got back in church. What about him? Did he get in too?? That is very important, you know.

Re: Getting Married
 

This comment is so not needed!!! geez!

She said she's getting back into church and this is all you have to say to her? man, that's just wrong

Thank God Jesus told even the adulterer, go and sin no more. Oh, by the way, Jesus also offered salvation to the woman at the well (she had 5 husbands already).

You should check your pride man

I'm not qualified to give advice as I'm not married...so carry on!

Re: Getting Married
 

He's been baptized and gotten the holy ghost but right now he's not in church. His parents are both in the same UPC church as me, we all go together. I actually met my fiance in church 5 years ago on June 5th. It's really only a matter of time before he goes back and he knows it lol.

Re: Getting Married
 

Thanks for all the information and defense to my past. I am going to feel so much better when we are married and one big happy family with the same last name.

Re: Getting Married
 

Yours or his? LOL

Just joking. I know of a few guys who took the last name of the lovely bride and one of those I actually agreed with because of the baggage associated with his name.

Re: Getting Married
 

Would it have to be a UPC church?

Re: Getting Married
 

I've been married "forever" and these are good basic concepts to live by.

( can't say I've always followed these words of wisdom:foottap )

Re: Getting Married
 

Not sure I understand the question.....

Re: Getting Married
 

I meant, would you soon-to-be husband have to go to a UPC church or would you be happy that he goes to any church (barring some slow boring Lutheran or Methodist one)?

Re: Getting Married
 

...or this one:

http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/e...ostasysign.jpg

Re: Getting Married
 

I was thinking more like this:

http://apostolicfriendsforum.com/pic...pictureid=1041

Re: Getting Married
 

Yeah, how ya gonna swing from the chandeliers in there?! :lol

Re: Getting Married
 

I am betting that it would be the first apostolic church with a choir that does gregorian chants.

Re: Getting Married
 

That I'd like to see. Especially with "swaying". :lol

Re: Getting Married
 

Re: Getting Married
 

That really is a magnificent building though! Do you know where it is?

Re: Getting Married
 

I have no clue. LOL

I'd love to visit it though!

Re: Getting Married
 

Milan Cathedral.

Re: Getting Married
 

The outside.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi..._del_Duomo.jpg

Re: Getting Married
 

"Ooooooooooohhhh the LORD is telling ME that there are at least 200 people in here who are ABLE to GIVE at check for $1500 EACH! Can I get an amen? I SAY can I GET an AMEN?"

<20 minutes go by as one person after another slowly walks to the alter to drop off their gift offering as the musicians keep gently playing>

"Ahhhhhh, thank you all who have given! But common now! Let the LORD speak to you! We only need 40 more to make this months electric bill... Common now!"

Re: Getting Married
 

Haha, love the church but not the service. And no i dont think i'd really care if he started going to another church but i'd definately start working to get him to my church since he'd already be going to church. That isn't really an issue though. I don't think he'd ever go to a church other than UPC.

Re: Getting Married
 

Just wanted to throw an update out there. I know no one really cares either way but still like saying it, lol. We got married on June 9th, outside by a lake with just our parents, siblings, and the pastor. It was absolutely perfect!

Re: Getting Married
 

Here is one of the billions of pictures we got lol.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

Re: Getting Married
 

Congrats!!

So how is married life treating you so far?