Help...please.
 

I'm physically broken, at a job with no future but pain and low pay, living in an area where there isn't much else to choose from. I'm mentally beaten, at my wits end, dealing with things I have no idea how to deal with without chemical help, which I'm trying my hardest to stay away from. I fear this will soon become a losing battle, and if that's the case, I'm as good as dead in every way. The worst thing though, is that I'm spiritually dead. When I look in the bible, I see nothing but judgement and fear. It's the state of mind I'm in, I can't find happiness anywhere I look. All I can manage in prayer is to ask why why why and please please please, without really knowing what the why is, or please do what. I know I'm not supposed to ask God why, but I need to find reason in the trial I'm going through, and I need to know that there's going to be an end. I'm not looking for pity. I'm just desperate for a move of God, TONIGHT. I need the help of my brothers and sisters in the Lord. Please help me to pray that I can make it through another night.

Matt

Re: Help...please.
 

I will pray for you, Matt. Why can't you ask God why? He's your Father, and he does have the answers you need.

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I do understand what you're going through, Matt, but words alone will not give you the healing you so desperately need right now. First, I do want to assure you that I will pray for you as well as others here I'm sure and even if you don't really believe that will help, it will anyway.

I think it's very very important, essential, to have Christian fellowship at this time in your life. Find it where ever you can, Pentecostal, Baptist, Church of Christ, where ever you can find it. Find a group of people who will offer you support and love. Let that be your focus at this point in your life, visit around, visit churches, talk to Christians and the Spirit of God will lead to to a place where you can heal and be strengthened.

May the law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus rule your life beginning this moment. In Jesus name I pray.

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Why do you think we shouldn't ask the Lord, "Why?"

David was a man after God's own heart but he sure didn't have it easy.
He was chosen by God and anointed as king when he was about 15 years old. Then when he went to serve the current king (Saul) he tried to kill him and David had to flee for his life. For about 15 years he lived on the run, pursued by Saul. About 15 years after he was anointed he finally took over just 2 of the tribes and had to wait another 7 years to take over the others. While he was on the run, trying to find food and a place to stay here or there he poured out his heart to the Lord. Some times he complained and asked God why He was hiding (see Psalm 10, also Psalms 42 and 43) and at other times he expressed great confidence in God's care (see Psalm 23). David was very human and was very open in his talks (some times complaints, some time praise and thanksgiving, some times questioning and wondering). Some of us are as flawed as David. Some of us may be worse than David. And some of us may be a little better than David but we are all human like him.

God did take care of David and He will take care of you. He loves you as much as He loved David and as much as He loves all the rest of us. He demonstrated that love by giving His Son as a sacrifice on the cross so that we would not have to pay the penalty for our sin. He demonstrates that love by forgiving us any and all sin and failure if we just ask Him to (1 John 1:9). He demonstrates that love by promising us that He loves us and will never abandon us when we are down (Hebrews 13:5-6 and Psalm 37:23-24).

God loves you. Talk to Him like you would talk to someone sitting down next to you. Gripe, complain, question or whatever. You won't shock Him. He's heard it all before. Be sure and ask Him for mercy. He'll forgive you for everything you've ever done or even thought of doing. Seek out a church (one where they won't judge and condemn you) or find God's help in an AA or NA group. God is alive and well and working in AA and NA. He's changed lots of people's lives around through AA and NA.

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Matt, people here are praying for you and we care.

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Thank you all. My home church is where I belong, it's not their fault that I don't do what I'm supposed to do. Where I should fellowship I don't speak, and when I hurt I hold it in til it gets to this point. I'm just reaching my breaking point, everything's crashing down around my head. I leave for work in an hour, and as much as I hate and can't handle the job, I can't lose it or I lose everything I've worked for for the past 5 months. I don't know if I have a job to go back to tonight, I had an anxiety or panic attack last night at work and had to leave. I don't know if they'll understand, because workers are a dime a dozen around here, and jobs are short. I feel if I can just make it through tonight with a job intact, and get a good 10 hours rest (I've slept 10 hours in the past 48 hours, and with the depression and the anxiety if I don't get 8 hours a night I'm not right) then I can make it another day. That rest won't solve all my problems, but it will help me. I've spent the day crying, grieving, and trying to convince myself this is normal life, and everybody goes through problems like this. But I feel like Job with a pharisee's faith. Just one more night, and then two days off for me to heal. One 9 hour stretch.

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Amen, agreeing with Bro. Sam, in Jesus Name!

Falla39

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Matt, I'm praying for you that this will be a night where you really see the glory of God revealed in your heart and life, and His presence the only thing you find comforting.

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You know it's bad when you get depressed while reading psalms.

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Matt,
I want to mirror this advice here about visiting around and finding Christian support wherever you can find it. Going to another Christian denomination will not change what you believe about Christ at all. Our core belief is what makes us who we are. We do not have to change our core beliefs because we are seeking some kind and loving fellowship from another area in Christ's church. I am of Oneness belief, but I find some of my best friendships comes from people who are not of like mindedness, yet they love Jesus with all their heart. These people have given me more kindness, love and support because they recognize that we are all human beings...in need of love and care.

My heart really wants to reach out to you because I found myself in this same position before where at a time in my life I felt spiritually dead and unloved, unwanted and hated by everybody. Yet many times our negative feelings are deceptive. My therapist called it "stinkin thinkin". All I could do was to stand on the Word, regardless of how I felt.

God does not work by how we feel. He works by our faith, even if we do not feel we have it. Faith isn't always something we feel. It must means we believe, something we stand upon, something we act upon simply because the Word says so. Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. We hope for substance and faith is the evidence. Christ is substance we hope for, he is the evidence of things not seen. It's all in Him no matter how bad we think our life is.

I was given the advice to tell myself that God loves me just as I am...that I am as precious to Him as King David was.

God made promises to us. When he fulfills that promise is something we wait upon...something that gives us hope.

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I Peter 5:7

(I Peter 5:7)

What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

(Romans 8:31)

Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.

(Hebrews 10:35)


If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

(Luke 11:13)


I like being blessed by the Holy Ghost over and over again. :) God loves and wants us to be happy, whole in spirit. Yes, God sent the comforter to me in some of my most lonely times and times I felt so spiritually void... only to find that God was still right there beside me.

So...I just want you to know, that you are going through some human feelings. Feelings are not always reliable. But Jesus is the cornerstone of the foundation we have. He's our rock.

Here is some affirmations to you, my little brother (by age lol)
:yourock
:dogkiss
brother in Christ :highfive
:hug4

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Does anybody out there have any more words of encouragement and affirmation for our brother Matt?

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I will pray for you Matt.
Praying peace and calm to your
life's situation at this time.
Giving you a Grandma ((HUG))

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David is the author of lots of the Psalms and he bares his soul there.
He was depressed at times and it shows.

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From the ends of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

There is a Rock that is higher than us..praying you are able to find Him and fall on Him in the midst of all of this.

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Matt, I am sharing a poem below that was made popular by Corrie Ten Boom, a Jewish lady who survived the Holocaust, and found her way to Jesus, and traveled extensively witnessing of the great mercy and love of Jesus. Here is the poem, which may give insight to why the "dark" places in our lives are so necessary...


My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.


Here is also a blog written by someone with this poem used as their inspiration, and hoping maybe this may further bless you.

http://gracewonder.blogspot.com/2010...-tapestry.html

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I do not know if you are taking medical drugs or not, but by reading your posts, it sounds to me like you are overmedicated. Your symptoms are a clear sign that your medication needs to be reduced.

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Matt, is there a "Stress Center" near you? You might consider going there to talk to a professional because it sounds to me like you might be dealing with a case of clinical depression. I don't say that in a judgmental or condescending way at all. But I'd like to see you get the help you need during this time. There is no shame at all in asking for help. Please consider it.

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Matt, I'll say a prayer for you.

Please know Jesus loves you soo much! You have not performed to His expectation - none of us have! But yet he is drawn to you and loves you. May you rest in this knowledge, and know He can help you and comfort you. Please keep us updated.

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Just remember Matt...panic attacks, as scary as they feel...nobody has ever died from one. Nobody.

It is just adrenaline coursing through your body that makes you feel like you want to run or will cause muscle jerks. It's the body's fight or flight mechanism. Try running in place when you feel one kick in. Do some physical activity to burn off the adrenaline. Walking, running helps, jumping jacks etc.

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Hi AFF family. Just wanted to post before I go to bed. Before I went to work, I cried out to God. I just asked for what I needed. "God, just get me through this one night" I'm here to tell you before I go to sleep, that God gracefully granted me four out of my schedules 9 hours. And...I'm grateful for that. And...I feel at peace at this moment in time. I'm just waiting for my medicine to kick in, and then it's off to bed. Once I started moving, I barely felt tired. But once I sat down, that was the end. I had my wits enough not to sit down for my 15 minute break. "God, I need to keep this job" I spoke with my supervisor, and he told me he just didn't want to have an accident, and I would be ok to come back to work in two days, that my job is not in jeopardy at this point in time. Only to start watching how many days I miss. "God, take care of me" Numerous times throughout the night, an encouraging word came to me. I didn't hear a physical voice, but I felt in my spirit, "You can do it son." "You've got another hour in you" but the main thing I heard in my spirit was "I love you my son" I completely understand the footprints or footsteps poem now. Call it dementia, call it whatever you want. God got me through tonight. He answered every prayer I prayed. I thank you for your prayers. I'll see you in 12-16 hours AFF family.
Matt

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I'm just going to answer this one before I go. I weaned myself five months ago off 40 mgs daily adderall, 3 mgs daily xanax, and 20 mgs nightly ambien, as well as too many street drugs and unprescribed narcotics to name. I currently take 160 mgs Geodon nightly for bipolar disorder, and it worked just fine for five months. I attribute this breakdown to a stressful job that I hate and want desperately to be away from, the death of my mother at a point when nobody truely close like that to me has died, the possibility of my aunt, who is basically my mother now, could die in surgery, nightmares, coming home to my empty house without anyone around and really grasping the meaning of being truely alone for a few hours, and who knows what else, I'm no doctor. I'm the most undermedicated I've been since I'm 13 years old, and five months without an anxiety attack is a small record for me. Right now, I'm just trying to take it one step at a time, and step number one before anything else is catching up on sleep. Goodnight my friend.

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Matt - when I am so overwhelmed by pain, despair, and depression that I’m struggling to function, I go into survival mode.
I make a list of what I need to do to be well; body, mind, and spirit, and then I just do it. I just follow the process till it leads me out of the darkness.

My lists and process may be different from yours, but here is mine

• Body – yoga each morning, then walk the dog. You need to do something physical each day to feel better. It could be going to the gym, lifting weights, going for a daily swim. You need a daily fitness routine. Eat healthy nutritious food.

• Mind – read scriptures, read good books. Write in a journal to sort your thoughts out, decide where you want to go, plan how you will reach your goals. Memorize and meditate on passages of scripture that you find comforting, and then recite them when you are feeling down.

• Spirit – talk to God, fellowship with others. The heart of serving God is to love God and love others. Spend time each day just talking with God, openly as you would a friend. Tell him exactly how you feel and ask for his help.

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And... you can make it with the Lord's help.
just living day to day.

As one preacher said:
Life by the yard is hard
but by the inch, it's a cinch

Well, even by the inch it's not always a cinch but much easier than trying to look out into the future and face those giants before you have to.

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This is how Philippians 4:13 reads in The Amplified Bible

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].

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The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
1892-1971

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Praying

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This is one of the neat things about this forum.

Even with all our judging and childish arguing and name calling, we do pray for one another when there is a need. When you get to thinking of it we are more than just God's spoiled brats displaying childish sibling rivalry.

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Yep.

Speaking of brats....where's byrd? He hasn't posted today. I miss him. :lol

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Sleep is awesome.

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Matt, I am also praying for you. I do think it is good you are making keeping your job a priority. As you said jobs are very hard to find in this economy (my SIL was unemployed almost two years before getting a job last week making about 1/3 what he prevoiusly made). The Bible certainly urges a man to work for his keep and it is noble you acknowledge that.

My biggest piece of advice to you would be for you to seek out some Christian counseling (real, educated, certfied, etc counselors). I know that most communities have Christian churches or organizations that provide counseling services with rates based on income. You desperately need a counselor with a Christian world view that you can work through your fears and concerns with.

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This is good advice. There is nothing wrong with getting a trained perspective about life issues that many people have.

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I remember I used to go see one that offered completely free therapy, I might be able to go to that one still.

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I am not a doctor or an expert in these matters, but from your symptoms it seems like 160 of Geodon at night might be high for a one time dose, I would think that it would be split with 80 in the morning around 7:00 am and 80 in the after noon about 2:00 pm. that would give you a steady dose of medicine during the day.

Of course changing or reducing a dosage is not easy it takes medical support from people who know the right way to make changes or wean you off the medication.

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It puts me to sleep, I can't take it in the daytime. I'm doing fine on it. I just have a lot of stress on me I'm not used to handling. My medicine doesn't need to be changed.

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For someone such as I who at one time, used to have stress issues so strong that I could not sleep...I would most definitely have to agree with you. It's like a cool splash of water on a extremely hot day.

Let me congratulate you on weaning yourself off those prescription drugs. Those were heavy duty drugs and I bet the doctors had no inclinations to help you wean?

If Geodon helps you to get the rest you need to sort through the complex issues you have been dealing with, then it is needful.

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Your inclination is right. When I told the doctor my mind was on overdrive, and her solution was to up my adderall, I knew I had to help myself. I may have spoke wrong when I said wean, as it was more like, "OK today is the day I stop adderall" and I stopped that day, one medicine at a time.

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Most people do not know the vicious cycle one may find themselves in when they seek help from a medical doctor.

The really good, caring physicians will look for the cause and not just treat the symptoms that keep you coming back over and over again. This only fattens Big Pharma's pockets as well as pay the doctors house mortgage. They know this.

We once had a lawyer...who when we paid him thousands of $$, he turned on us because he saw more gain from the other side. Dirty. He left the region as soon as he finished his dirty work.

Some doctors will do it to you over and over and not bat an eye.

One has to take over the care of their own body. Nobody, except God knows what you need better than you.

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Before I start with my story, which is similar to yours, let me say if you were for sure, 100%, diagnosed as bi-polar then consult with your pastor and a specialist (a Christian one if you can find one) before you come off the meds treating that. I am not bi-polar, but a step-uncle was bi-polar and manic and between constantly changing meds, trying to cope with life and trying to adjust his own medication he ended up hanging himself.

Okay, my story. In early 2010, I was in a very similar situation. I hated my job, one I couldn't leave due to my wife being pregnant. I was depressed off and on, I'd had panic attacks. I was on Concerta for ADHD and some other drug as a mood relaxer. I got off the mood relaxer after a month because it numbed me even more. I hated myself, but suicide wasn't an option, though the enemy took advantage of my situation. To make matters worse I wasn't going to church (running from my calling). I wasn't out doing a bunch of crazy stuff, didn't have doctrine issues - I didn't do what a lot of people do when they quit going to church. Wife didn't cut her hair and wear makeup, etc. Our daughter was going to be raised the way we believed.

After a month of the mood relaxer I quit. It didn't help, I felt. Eventually I lost my job, while my wife was on maternity leave - the day after I told them my wife was going to have a C-Section the next week. Eventually (this past January I think) I completely quit all the ADHD meds. I only got a scrip at her behest, thinking it might help with my job at that time. I took my last one in January or February. It was a waste of my money.

In the end, what I needed was to quit running from God (not saying that's what your problem is) and get more sleep. It was a process, but I buried myself in scripture (see below) and prayer. I prayed until I had a breakthrough and my spirit was healed from all lingering depression. I added fasting to my prayer (which I don't recommend if your meds/job don't allow it - modify your fast if you do it) and it helped immensely. I confessed all unforgiveness and sin in my life, repented of my ways, claimed scripture over my life and prayed until I broke through the dark curtain over my mind and spirit. I'm at a better, higher paying job (for now - see Hostess, lol)

That's my advice to you, deepen your walk with Him. Submerse yourself in His Spirit and don't come up until you are healed & delivered or it's time to go to bed. Keep doing it. Don't ever quit. Make your walk with Jesus Christ your life, your breath. Get rid of all things that won't/doesn't please Him. If it isn't uplifting, don't watch/read/listen to it (See Phil 4:8). As a married man, if it doesn't please my wife, I don't involve myself with it. The communication remains open, trust is there. Same in walking with Christ. The most amazing things will happen in your life. Also, if possible, find someone in your local church or someone you can call regularly (everyday if need be) to help you along. We can't make it on our own. We need each other. If you do the above things I promise you God will bring you out of the other side of the tunnel.

Scriptures to remember
Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Is 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Ps 119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

Nehemiah 8:10 Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

Is 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Ps 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

I Cor 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2 Tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

Romans 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

These are but a few of the scriptures that will help. If there is anything else I can do let me know I will be praying. God bless!

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Also, if you can, try to spend the 1st 15 minutes of prayer time and the last 15 minutes (or 10) just meditating on the Lord and the scriptures. It helps calm the mind and spirit and will help to strengthen you. It will make your prayer time more focused and your day better overall. You will also find yourself hearing from God more when the muddy waters of a mind on overdrive clear up.

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Bi-polar? Read The Trillion Dollar Conspiracy about "bi-polar."
I'm sorry, but your Dr. is not your friend.