Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Well, I'm not sure if many of you will remember my story. I left the UPC in 2010. Married to a UPC minister (he was at the time, not now)...broke his heart when I left, etc., etc...I did a lot of research and personal Bible study around the time I left, because I'd always had a nagging suspicion that some of the UPC doctrines I'd been taught did not have a strong biblical basis, mostly those concerning "standards"....but also some of the bigger ones.


He ended up leaving eventually also, and letting his license go. I suspect in large part because of the strain on our marriage (yes, we came close to divorce), but also for other reasons as well.


Anyway, my husband and I recently moved to a different state. We both agreed before moving that we wanted a fresh start spiritually, and we both wanted to find a church that we could attend together and find some spiritual healing. We both felt (and still feel) hurt and broken...wounded, confused.

So we went "church shopping." That sounds horrible, but I guess that's what some people call it. We searched for non denom churches that allowed God's spirit to move in their services. We prayed for God to show us where he wanted us to be. Yet we never felt that nudge or confirmation in those churches, although I did enjoy some of the teaching. In the meantime, old friends of my husband's kept inviting us to their UPC church. Finally we visited...and after several visits we both agreed to stay a while.

So now here we are. Attending a UPC church again...together. I guess it's a compromise. I can't say that I've changed my mind regarding the doctrines I disagree with. That probably won't happen. The pastor seems like a balanced man, and he and his family seem like quality people. It seems like a balanced church so far.

Yet I can't help but feel like I'm taking a step backwards. I also fear that things are going to come right back around and history is going to repeat itself, and I don't want to go through that again. It was an extremely painful process. I'm not sure what the purpose of all this is.

Anybody out there that has had a similar experience or could offer any input?

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Doesn't sound like you have felt a nudge or confirmation there either.

Attending church is important to some. Attend because God is also there and don't think about it being UPC or otherwise.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

When my wife and I left, we could not go back.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

What a sad story.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Attending a UPC will contribute to the confusion.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

If you're determined to walk the path of a building based 'church', I guess the UPC is as good as any of them. If all the ministry in the 'church' are good people, one could do worse.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I am praying for you and your family, that you and your husband make the best decisions regarding your spiritual life.

I can't answer your question because we left many years ago and do not forsee any circumstances under which we would go back. We have family and friends who are UPC so are still pretty close the the UPC and what goes on in the org.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I didn't ever plan on going back either, so I understand where some of you are coming from when you say you would never go back. Yet here I am...and for some reason, this seems like the right place to be...for now, anyways.

Thank you for your prayers CC1.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Welcome back.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

....although I could never ever go back. We even decided to visit a local UPC once but opted out at the last minute.
I told my wife they would be ULTRA friendly, which is something we've been craving, but after 1-2 months the smirking and back talking will begin regarding her non-dress wearing ways as well as keeping her current hair cut.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

If we DID go back, I told her it would have to be to an extreme UC church, for the sole purpose of having a wee bit of fun with the pastor before leaving.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I don't think you've made the wrong decision, ultimately you need to be in church you can feel comfortable and grow in, even if you don't agree with everything. I started athread on here about considering going back to a UPC church (I think as of today it is on todays posts, and also accessable in the fellowship hall). Its not that I agree with the UPC in everyway, but just that I still find more common ground with the UPC than pretty much any other church. I've tried a few churches, and ultimately settled in a Bible church.

So far that's where I still am, but largely because I'm the preacher there now, so I don't want to leave, nor do I see the need to leave while that is the arrangement. But I'm sure my doctrinal disagreements are greater than yours with the UPC (if your problems are primarily standards related) yet I still feel I could exist in a UPC church better than probably any other confessedly trinitarian church. In short, I understand your mixed feelings, but my advice is, keep up your studies, live for Jesus not the church, and be a blessing to the church.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

PS, I wouldn't put a lot of stock into the opinions of others, especially the negative ones. Some people have left the UPC and grown in teir walk with God (proof there is salvation outside of UPC/oneness pentecostalism). But other have left, and despite claims to still be christians find themselves on the proverbial slippery slope (and many don't even realize it). Many of these people don't even believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, they are swayed by gay theology, don't see a problem with many of the pollutions of the world, openly use profanity, and are obviously on a broad road. Beware of people who will mock you or pity you. They ought to look in the mirror and consider their own selves and how far they've shifted to the left, and pity themselves.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Of course one must have a certain sense of humor if one decides to go back. :)

Happy happy happy.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I would just like to say I am praying for you as you walk through a deep valley where many voices and opinions call. Salvation is a personal matter and something we must settle in our hearts. However I doubt if there is any church that each one of us attends that we agree 100 % on everything that is taught. I personally am a missionary and there are things I abide by that really would not be a sin for me but could be a sin or hinder others. So it might be called making a tiny sacrifice to help my weaker brothers and sisters. Lots of things are not sins but can be weights that hinder us or tie us down. Examine your life and ask God which I am sure you are doing for His direction. Whatever you do guard against bitterness and remember who taught us most taught in all sincerety. I do believe the Bible is clear on the plan of salvation and coming out and being a seperate people. Remember no church and no people are perfect. I know a few who seem to think they are but they are not...we are all just people who are in great need of God's grace and His help.
Pray much and lean not to the opinion of others...Read often God's word..I know I am telling you things you already know however that is the "missionary" in me!
Above all remember HE leads and guides...sometimes we just don't have enough "brains" to work everything out on our own...God is standing near and will help.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Its so sad that standards are tripping people of from attending a bible believing church. Standards of dress arent biblical and shouldnt be considered doctrine.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

My opinion is that maybe you are there for a reason. Maybe your husband has things to work out that you don't. I remember when we were leaving and my daughter started attending a UPC church. She did this a couple different times...going and leaving. I held my breath both times but did not criticize. I tried to support her. She has talked to me about these times really helping her in her decision to leave for good as she was able to listen to the sermons more objectively. I think you should consider your husband and your marriage. Since it put so much strain on....maybe just explain to him you are going because he wants to (or whatever the reason is) and just be honest but not critical or argumentative. There's my best advice. I pray things work out for you in the long run. We don't have to be everything today. ;)

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I left UPC and turned in my license 22 years ago after holding them for 25 years. When I did I wrote a letter to headquarters and the powers that be, thanking them for allowing me the privilege of being part of a great organization. I was not unhappy with UPC because UPC is just a group of people. Of course I had been hurt by some of those people but I still loved them. (Jesus was hurt by those He loved, even his closest followers) I did not agree with everything UPC said in their rules but since I was part of the organization I did abide by those rules just as I obeyed the rules of the military as long as I was part of the military.

I did not always agree with my folks rules when I was under their roof but I did obey them. I did not always agree with my supervisors when I worked but I followed the rules they made. I have been married three times in the past 60 years and did not agree with everything my wives liked or disliked any more than they always agreed with me but we as any married couples agreed to disagree because we loved each other.

I have never been divorced and I know there are sometimes reasons for divorce but one of the most disgusting thing to me is the husband or wife who after a divorce bad moths their former mate to anyone who will listen and sometimes to those who doesn't want to listen.

It is just as disgusting to hear someone run down the organization they belonged too, the employer they worked for or the church and pastor where they attended . Just walk away and forget it, if you can't say something good just don't say anything.

I am back in a UPC church now and have been since early 2007 and am happy about it even though there are still things I don't always agree with.

I visited UPC headquarters a couple months ago and was welcomed like a long lost friend. I'm glad I did not destroy that friendship when I walked away 22 years ago.

I said all that to say this, If you enjoy the pastor and people or most of the people in a UPC church that is where you need to be.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I think I've come to the realization that no matter what church I attend there will be doctrinal issues that I won't agree with. I also still feel that common ground with the UPC, but it's kind of a love/hate relationship, if that makes any sense.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Thank you for the words of wisdom. :) Yes I may already know much of what you said, but it's something that a person needs to hear over and over again, and be reminded of.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

My wife and I attended my dad's church a couple times and it made us realize all over again, why we left and that it was God who brought us out and to go back would be like going back to Egypt.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Excellent observations, JB, and good advice. :thumbsup

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Thank you for those that have replied. It's nice to know that there are people out there somewhere that understand. I was going to reply to everyone on an individual basis, but realized that could be very repetitious. But I did read every post and appreciate all the input.

I would like to add a few things.

I mostly still look the part of a UPCer. I have kept my hair long, (although I did trim the split ends after I first left the UPC)....I'm still able to sit on it. My husband prefers it long, and I've been concerned that if I cut it, it would affect his feelings towards me. I still wear skirts most of the time....It is my comfort zone, and honestly, I think I look better in skirts. I still have never drank alcohol or engaged in any drugs. That is a personal conviction. The only difference is I wear light makeup.

I said all that to say this: I think many of the people in the UPC church we're attending assume that we're visiting from another UPC church, or that we transferred from another UPC church when we moved. So I think there may be that expectation from some that we fit a certain mold, because we look the part.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

It is important to note that just because somebody leaves the UPC does not mean they are chasing after the things of the world.

We left but are still following Christ and doing our best to live a life separated unto Him.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

This is all that matters. :thumbsup

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I understand.
I just recently decided to return to my UPCI church.

I disagree with many of their doctrinal views and extra-biblical teachings as well.

I am glad you and your husband are still together and I will pray for the two of you.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

When I left I didn't drink right away. I still haven't gone into the drug scene and won't. I occasionally drink, but it is not as often as people that know me off here might think. I have shared a beer or three with a friend on here before. After having been gone for a while I have gone through a divorce. Our daughter hasn't been affected as bad as some might think either. My ex and I are very good friends. My ex is remarried now. Things have balanced out for me.

I haven't found a church to belong to, but I also have come to the realization that the typical church isn't for me. There are things about the corporate church that I am not a fan of. There are doctrinal issues I don't agree with. Those aren't the things keeping me away though. It is that I feel that God is dealing with me now and not going for a bit has been a great thing for me because it has tested my devotion to Him. I am more real with Him & others than I have ever been. I don't have any axes to grind with the UPC because I was the gullible one to fall for most of what they fed me. I don't wish I could unlive my upbringing, I think I am who I am today in large part to things I learned in the church.

Good luck going forward. The good thing is that neither you or your spouse has to answer to anyone about going back but each other. There could be benefits to going back there could be downsides too. You mentioned that you & your spouse could have divorced but for whatever rreason you all chose to stick it out. You all have found a place of healing in your relationship or a place that is currently healing you all. The same goes for a church. This may not be the final destination for you all - it may be the place to start healing and the regeneration of your collective spirituality. Either way good luck with whatever you all choose to do.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Very true!

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I'm not in the UPC, but I have many friends and family who are. I love the UPC, even though I disagree with their beliefs on outward dress.

God bless.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Wisdom! :nod

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I was told not to come back, and the cult was told to shun me (and they did, even family, just like th Jehovah Witness).

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't Paul instruct the church to disfellowship and shun some for certain issues? I don't know what you were "shunned" for, but there is precedent for shunning those who do certain things in the church.

My prayers are with you as you try to settle into a new church in a new city. Familiarity breeds comfort, so that may be playing a part in your choice.

I have a similar story. I moved to a new city and attended an ex-UPC church for about ten years. Some things transpired that caused us to look for another church. After visiting around, we settled on a UPC church in town. The pastor and people were friendly and welcoming, but because of how my wife and girls looked, we would always be second class Members. I am a musician and I would never be able to play, nor would my wife and girls be allowed to sing in the choir. I had helped teach a Sunday school class for years, but I would never be allowed to do that at this UPC church.

We decided that we could live with that, so we decided to settle there. What happened is that when my wife or girls were blessed and raised their hands to worship at the alter, folks would think that they were praying through! We had an epiphany that the folks of the church thought that if we stuck around, eventually we would be "touched" by God and assimilate into the mindset. In other words, we were treated as back-slidden.

After about six months, we left.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

As a dog returns to his vomit...

If you left for doctrinal differences, returning will only prolong your confusion and leave you unsettled. I hope you find a bible-preaching church you both like.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

You have to find the path that you can walk. The community in the UPC has many benefits, and yes, it is mostly based on common doctrinal agreement, but don't we all like to be around folks who think like us??

We started a different path nearly 30 years ago, we have personally continued to seek after the Lord, and walk in relationship with Him. Still have much family in UPC, and love them all.

Eternal life is to know Jesus Christ, and the Father who sent Him, that is not an organization, it is a love and a relationship with a Person. Know Him and know life, then all other relationship can be honest and true.

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Very human for them and you!

We have a family of former UC family that have come to our church, and exactly the opposite has happened, they have five girls, and the all still dress as before.

However, the girls have joined the youth and small groups, and you can just see them blossom with confidence, and are now leaders. Religion divides, Jesus unites!!

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

I understand the conflicting thoughts. Since I'm ex-UPC (3rd generation), my heart is saddened that when I choose to attend, I'm a 2nd class citizen due to lack of compliance to outward standards........
And this makes it difficult for me since my entire life involved the church! My hubby attends and is somewhat accepted......but men blend in:-) Tooo much indoctrination for me to be able to listen to anything "trinity".......

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

Some of the best Oneness messages I have heard came out of the mouths of Assembly of God and Baptists Pastors. :heeheehee

Re: Left the UPC...Now Back Again
 

While we were still in California,we were visiting some friends who lived out of town they invited us to a moderate UPC church that they attended and we did not want to be rude so we went. We had been out of UPC a few years by then and my wife was not do the church lady look any longer. We really enjoyed ourselves in worship and after church it was a big deal to the pastors mom it was questioned if we prayed through and if we were coming home.

Needless to say we are still Assemblies :icecream