Lisa,
I admire you for what you have had to do. One of my best friends, I would say she was more like a sister- in church, is one of the smartest women I know. She was engaged not long after she graduated, then broke it off because she felt that she was too young. She went to work and waited to date for several years. When she was 24 she began dating a guy in church they dated for a year, he was the most romantic man I had ever seen- he left roses on her car and chocolate. They were engaged for the requisite 6 months, and got married. They had a gorgeous home and 5 years later, a baby she stayed home with.
She did not know that 8 years after her marriage her husband would begin drinking, doing drugs, dating other women, and finally hitting her. She went to counseling, and did everything she could to keep it hidden from the church (and me, who was on the opposite coast), and so 3 years later when she moved out, people were shocked.
No one but the pastor (because of counseling) knew what had been going on. She refused to talk about what he had been doing, and just begged him to get help. Because she didn't "sell him out" the church completely judged her, and came up with all kinds of reasons why she left him; she hadn't trusted the Lord, maybe SHE had a boyfriend, or maybe she was just selfish and not willing to work through normal marriage troubles.
She left the church not long after that, she goes to a different one now. When I go home I see her, and she is doing well. There are still many people who don't know what really happened. I have heard people that the marriage fell apart because she backslidden- and it was proven because after her divorce she left the church
,
WHAT!!! No she left the church because she was mistreated by her husband and then by her church family!
My response to this was that you shouldn't judge what you do not know.