Stay-at-Home Daughters?

[Pro31:28]

I was a foster kid for 3 years before I graduated. I could not be a stay at home daughter because I did not have a "real" home. I did what most young Christian (particularly UPC) girls my age did, I went to Bible College. I was not into college at 18. I worked almost full time and went to school. My school suffered and I dropped out when I was proposed to (Yes we are still married).

I stayed home for 10 years, and I was blessed to do that. But as I stated in a recent post on another thread, I always felt that I was too dumb to really do anything outside of my home or the church unless it was a small side job to earn a little extra for Christmas. Hubby always told me I was smart, gifted, and talented but I always thought he said that just to make me feel good.

When my husband decided to go back to Law School, I had to get a job (he became the house-husband because he was in school when the kids were). I had no idea what I wanted to do, I was ready to start cleaning houses, but I came across a massage therapy school. I entered classes (at 29) and quickly rose to the top of the class, I found out I was good at it and my books were full, then I was promoted to an instructor, I taught at two different schools, as well as several seminars (which was great because hubby and I could totally work around one another's schedules) our kids never had a babysitter, except for occasional date nights.

Right before he graduated I began online university classes. When we moved north I could not transfer my massage license and did not want to go back to massage school, so I homeschooled during the day and I drove 45 min to teach night classes at a massage school in VA.
When the drive became too much, I started looking at other options, found a Christian school for my kids, who just happened to be hiring and that is where I am now (which would be paying me much more if I had a degree).

I said all that to say that while I am thankful for my life and my kids, I wish I would have completed school at the beginning. Even for someone like me who stayed married, I could have contributed so much more when he was going to school if I had had the education.

I do not plan on getting a "real job" until my 12 year old goes to college, for now family is still my number one priority, but when the babies go to college, I will begin what I call, "LIFE-Part II". Something to do with communication, public relations, or broadcasting.

GET YOUR EDUCATION! You will never regret it.

[*AQuietPlace*]

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

I was a foster kid for 3 years before I graduated. I could not be a stay at home daughter because I did not have a "real" home. I did what most young Christian (particularly UPC) girls my age did, I went to Bible College. I was not into college at 18. I worked almost full time and went to school. My school suffered and I dropped out when I was proposed to (Yes we are still married).

I stayed home for 10 years, and I was blessed to do that. But as I stated in a recent post on another thread, I always felt that I was too dumb to really do anything outside of my home or the church unless it was a small side job to earn a little extra for Christmas. Hubby always told me I was smart, gifted, and talented but I always thought he said that just to make me feel good.

When my husband decided to go back to Law School, I had to get a job (he became the house-husband because he was in school when the kids were). I had no idea what I wanted to do, I was ready to start cleaning houses, but I came across a massage therapy school. I entered classes (at 29) and quickly rose to the top of the class, I found out I was good at it and my books were full, then I was promoted to an instructor, I taught at two different schools, as well as several seminars (which was great because hubby and I could totally work around one another's schedules) our kids never had a babysitter, except for occasional date nights.

Right before he graduated I began online university classes. When we moved north I could not transfer my massage license and did not want to go back to massage school, so I homeschooled during the day and I drove 45 min to teach night classes at a massage school in VA.
When the drive became too much, I started looking at other options, found a Christian school for my kids, who just happened to be hiring and that is where I am now (which would be paying me much more if I had a degree).

I said all that to say that while I am thankful for my life and my kids, I wish I would have completed school at the beginning. Even for someone like me who stayed married, I could have contributed so much more when he was going to school if I had had the education.

I do not plan on getting a "real job" until my 12 year old goes to college, for now family is still my number one priority, but when the babies go to college, I will begin what I call, "LIFE-Part II". Something to do with communication, public relations, or broadcasting.

GET YOUR EDUCATION! You will never regret it.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by Mary Poppins

as I'm reading this blog - she sounds almost exactly like me at 19. Family business, happy in the home cocoon. Also, I did attend some community college but it was never the focus or goal so I never finished a degree program.

I hope for her sake life doesn't throw her any curveballs and she can go fluidly from dad's house to husband.


edited to say that I hope I don't sound depressing in that last post LOL I am VERY glad I did not get married at 18 - the experiences and growth I've had are invaluable and I don't know that I would trade it.

I can totally relate to your earlier post. You are still very young, you should go back to school, even if you are making good money. I think you will be happy you did, even if it is part time. I'm glad you see the good in not getting married young. God will bring someone into your life when you least expect it.

Life sure does have a way of throwing us curve balls.... life just isn't so perfect... husbands are not perfect, kids are not perfect... and most of all.. we can not be perfect. I think that people have to be very disciplined to really make this lifestyle work in today's world. It takes work, and work from both parents with the same goals in mind.

As I read your post, I could relate to your working on the homemaking skills. I spent all my time focusing on two things in High School... Home ec, and business. I took office lab, accounting and things so that I could step right into an office position out of High School. I had no intentions of going to college, I only wanted to be a wife and full time mom. I knew I would eventually get married. So, I took every cooking, sewing and child development class there was to be offered. I used to stand by my dad and watch him cook (he was an awesome cook). I so wanted to be in a home and taking care of my own family someday. My dad was a preacher and stay at home dad. Being a homemaker was my #1 goal in life.

I wanted the beautifully decorated house and white picket fence.. wanted to attend church with my beautifully attired, well behaved children sitting beside their loving parents.

I wanted 6 kids and often joked about a dozen and how I was going to use cloth diapers, breast feed, make my own baby food (all natural for everything) All those outrageous plans made it through my first child only... by the time she was 15 months old, her sister came along and I ditched it all and went to huggies, infamil, and gerber jar food... lord have mercy what in the world was I thinking??? When the second one was 3 months old... I was prego again and wearing myself thin.

I did however start out right and on track with my goals... I went into a political office after High School, had a great time working for Indiana Republicans and was making decent money. I was married at 21, got pregnant at 22 and left my job to become a full time mother. I didn't realize just how much my income paid for though...it was a shocker going to one income.

What I didn't count on, was my ex husband flippin' out 5-6 years into the marriage and the next 6 years being very rocky. I did not count on my perfectionist nature to drive me nearly insane. I went into a state of depression spent 6-7 years on prozac trying to cope with my very broken life that I tried to keep hidden from the outside.

On the good side, I home schooled for a while, and there were also happy times. I will never regret staying home with my girls.... I stayed at home for 12 years... I loved cooking huge meals everyday. Of course, with that, I gained weight..miserable at times.

I returned to the working world after my divorce in 02 when my husband walked away from his family. Today, I am really so thankful for all those business classes and skills... I make decent money with a great company, but not enough to support a family like I want to. It has been a real struggle.

So, at the age of 42... I regret not getting a degree before having kids, I know I need to go back to school to really do anything with my life. My girls are almost grown, and nothing in my life is as I ever pictured it. I don't regret everything as it has made me who I am today, and I like me better than spoiled brattiness that I was.

Still to this day though, nothing makes me happier to take a week off from work... spend my days in my kitchen cooking, cleaning, working in the yard and flowers, sitting on the deck studying my bible and just piddling around the house....wishin' I was a homemaker once again.

As I have attempted to raise these girls of mine on my own, I have stressed that they needed to go to college...(two are still in school) I have told them to forget kids and marriage right now.. you can always have both later on in life. Only one of my girls shows any interest in cooking...none of them want to keep house. In fact, my youngest and oldest state they will hire everything the need done...neither plan to cook or clean in their future. They are now 17, 18 and 19. LOL well... we'll see.

[Pro31:28]

Originally Posted by ForeverBlessed

I can totally relate to your earlier post. You are still very young, you should go back to school, even if you are making good money. I think you will be happy you did, even if it is part time. I'm glad you see the good in not getting married young. God will bring someone into your life when you least expect it.

Life sure does have a way of throwing us curve balls.... life just isn't so perfect... husbands are not perfect, kids are not perfect... and most of all.. we can not be perfect. I think that people have to be very disciplined to really make this lifestyle work in today's world. It takes work, and work from both parents with the same goals in mind.

As I read your post, I could relate to your working on the homemaking skills. I spent all my time focusing on two things in High School... Home ec, and business. I took office lab, accounting and things so that I could step right into an office position out of High School. I had no intentions of going to college, I only wanted to be a wife and full time mom. I knew I would eventually get married. So, I took every cooking, sewing and child development class there was to be offered. I used to stand by my dad and watch him cook (he was an awesome cook). I so wanted to be in a home and taking care of my own family someday. My dad was a preacher and stay at home dad. Being a homemaker was my #1 goal in life.

I wanted the beautifully decorated house and white picket fence.. wanted to attend church with my beautifully attired, well behaved children sitting beside their loving parents.

I wanted 6 kids and often joked about a dozen and how I was going to use cloth diapers, breast feed, make my own baby food (all natural for everything) All those outrageous plans made it through my first child only... by the time she was 15 months old, her sister came along and I ditched it all and went to huggies, infamil, and gerber jar food... lord have mercy what in the world was I thinking??? When the second one was 3 months old... I was prego again and wearing myself thin.

I did however start out right and on track with my goals... I went into a political office after High School, had a great time working for Indiana Republicans and was making decent money. I was married at 21, got pregnant at 22 and left my job to become a full time mother. I didn't realize just how much my income paid for though...it was a shocker going to one income.

What I didn't count on, was my ex husband flippin' out 5-6 years into the marriage and the next 6 years being very rocky. I did not count on my perfectionist nature to drive me nearly insane. I went into a state of depression spent 6-7 years on prozac trying to cope with my very broken life that I tried to keep hidden from the outside.

On the good side, I home schooled for a while, and there were also happy times. I will never regret staying home with my girls.... I stayed at home for 12 years... I loved cooking huge meals everyday. Of course, with that, I gained weight..miserable at times.

I returned to the working world after my divorce in 02 when my husband walked away from his family. Today, I am really so thankful for all those business classes and skills... I make decent money with a great company, but not enough to support a family like I want to. It has been a real struggle.

So, at the age of 42... I regret not getting a degree before having kids, I know I need to go back to school to really do anything with my life. My girls are almost grown, and nothing in my life is as I ever pictured it. I don't regret everything as it has made me who I am today, and I like me better than spoiled brattiness that I was.

Still to this day though, nothing makes me happier to take a week off from work... spend my days in my kitchen cooking, cleaning, working in the yard and flowers, sitting on the deck studying my bible and just piddling around the house....wishin' I was a homemaker once again.

As I have attempted to raise these girls of mine on my own, I have stressed that they needed to go to college...(two are still in school) I have told them to forget kids and marriage right now.. you can always have both later on in life. Only one of my girls shows any interest in cooking...none of them want to keep house. In fact, my youngest and oldest state they will hire everything the need done...neither plan to cook or clean in their future. They are now 17, 18 and 19. LOL well... we'll see.

Lisa,
I admire you for what you have had to do. One of my best friends, I would say she was more like a sister- in church, is one of the smartest women I know. She was engaged not long after she graduated, then broke it off because she felt that she was too young. She went to work and waited to date for several years. When she was 24 she began dating a guy in church they dated for a year, he was the most romantic man I had ever seen- he left roses on her car and chocolate. They were engaged for the requisite 6 months, and got married. They had a gorgeous home and 5 years later, a baby she stayed home with.

She did not know that 8 years after her marriage her husband would begin drinking, doing drugs, dating other women, and finally hitting her. She went to counseling, and did everything she could to keep it hidden from the church (and me, who was on the opposite coast), and so 3 years later when she moved out, people were shocked.

No one but the pastor (because of counseling) knew what had been going on. She refused to talk about what he had been doing, and just begged him to get help. Because she didn't "sell him out" the church completely judged her, and came up with all kinds of reasons why she left him; she hadn't trusted the Lord, maybe SHE had a boyfriend, or maybe she was just selfish and not willing to work through normal marriage troubles.

She left the church not long after that, she goes to a different one now. When I go home I see her, and she is doing well. There are still many people who don't know what really happened. I have heard people that the marriage fell apart because she backslidden- and it was proven because after her divorce she left the church ,
WHAT!!! No she left the church because she was mistreated by her husband and the by her church family!
My response to this was that you shouldn't judge what you do not know.

[Nitehawk013]

Stories like that make me think that maybe we should be more open with our churches about our situations so there is no "stories" behind closed doors.

I can't expect to bear my brothers burdens as I am commanded in the book if no one will ever actually admit they have a burden and need help.

[Pro31:28]

Originally Posted by Nitehawk013

Stories like that make me think that maybe we should be more open with our churches about our situations so there is no "stories" behind closed doors.

I can't expect to bear my brothers burdens as I am commanded in the book if no one will ever actually admit they have a burden and need help.

In one sense I agree, but with the way that people respond to even minor issues it is no surprise why people don't.

[missourimary]

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

In one sense I agree, but with the way that people respond to even minor issues it is no surprise why people don't.

How true. And how sad.

[ForeverBlessed]

Originally Posted by Pro31:28

Lisa,
I admire you for what you have had to do. One of my best friends, I would say she was more like a sister- in church, is one of the smartest women I know. She was engaged not long after she graduated, then broke it off because she felt that she was too young. She went to work and waited to date for several years. When she was 24 she began dating a guy in church they dated for a year, he was the most romantic man I had ever seen- he left roses on her car and chocolate. They were engaged for the requisite 6 months, and got married. They had a gorgeous home and 5 years later, a baby she stayed home with.

She did not know that 8 years after her marriage her husband would begin drinking, doing drugs, dating other women, and finally hitting her. She went to counseling, and did everything she could to keep it hidden from the church (and me, who was on the opposite coast), and so 3 years later when she moved out, people were shocked.

No one but the pastor (because of counseling) knew what had been going on. She refused to talk about what he had been doing, and just begged him to get help. Because she didn't "sell him out" the church completely judged her, and came up with all kinds of reasons why she left him; she hadn't trusted the Lord, maybe SHE had a boyfriend, or maybe she was just selfish and not willing to work through normal marriage troubles.

She left the church not long after that, she goes to a different one now. When I go home I see her, and she is doing well. There are still many people who don't know what really happened. I have heard people that the marriage fell apart because she backslidden- and it was proven because after her divorce she left the church ,
WHAT!!! No she left the church because she was mistreated by her husband and then by her church family!
My response to this was that you shouldn't judge what you do not know.

Thank you, it has made me a much stronger person today. I found a true relationship with God through the whole ordeal. Nothing can separate me from the love of God. Been through many things to test this, and I am sure I will continue to be tried... but I press forward.

I can relate to what your friend went through. Trying to hide things from people, afraid to face the truth, you often find yourself the enabler. The mental and emotional abuse that comes from living with a drug abuser is horrible and I can only imagine what she went through. I am so sorry that her church did not stand behind her or demostrate the love of Christ to her as the body. I hope she has found complete healing and restoration.