Would You Visit This Man Who...

Jermyn Davidson · #1 10-18-2010, 06:09 PM

A Christian man, taking medications and very highly intoxicated, attempted to kill his wife and one of his sons.

He initially pulled the trigger on his wife and the gun didn't fire.

His son tried to wrestle the gun out of his hands and failed. The father pointed the gun and shot his son, grazing the side of his son's head.

Now this guy who did all of these terrible things, did them in front of his 7 year old daughter.

You have been a friend of this family for awhile. You're familiar with the struggles that lead up to these sad events.

Now that your friend is in jail, do you go and visit him?

If yes, what do you say? What do you talk about?

If no, well, is that the way to treat a friend?

I'm troubled by the whole situation-- especially since I warned them both on separate occasions, more than once, that they should divorce for their own safety. I really don't know how I am supposed to relate to them any more, or if I even should.

jfrog · #2 10-18-2010, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

A Christian man, taking medications and very highly intoxicated, attempted to kill his wife and one of his sons.

He initially pulled the trigger on his wife and the gun didn't fire.

His son tried to wrestle the gun out of his hands and failed. The father pointed the gun and shot his son, grazing the side of his son's head.

Now this guy who did all of these terrible things, did them in front of his 7 year old daughter.

You have been a friend of this family for awhile. You're familiar with the struggles that lead up to these sad events.

Now that your friend is in jail, do you go and visit him?

If yes, what do you say? What do you talk about?

If no, well, is that the way to treat a friend?

I'm troubled by the whole situation-- especially since I warned them both on separate occasions, more than once, that they should divorce for their own safety. I really don't know how I am supposed to relate to them any more, or if I even should.

Don't think about whether you should visit him. Think about whether you want to visit him.

Jermyn Davidson · #3 10-18-2010, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfrog

Don't think about whether you should visit him. Think about whether you want to visit him.

I don't want to just let him rot there.

We haven't talked since it happened and I am thinking that I maybe should go visit him.

I'm just at a loss for words as to what we could possibly talk about.

Margies3 · #4 10-18-2010, 06:54 PM

Jermyn, the counselors have told us that when something like this happens, those of us on the outside (those not directly involved) will also go thru all the stages of grief just like the people directly involved will. We are grieving the loss of a friendship, the loss of trust, and all kinds of other things.

I don't know if you know what the stages of grief are, but if you don't, it might be worth your while to google search it. YOU are not the guilty party here. You did everything you could have done. Please don't beat yourself up thinking that you could have or should have done more. He was an adult and made adult decisions. But the point is that HE made the decisions. You did all you could.

jfrog · #5 10-18-2010, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

I don't want to just let him rot there.

We haven't talked since it happened and I am thinking that I maybe should go visit him.

I'm just at a loss for words as to what we could possibly talk about.

Talk about yourself.

Jermyn Davidson · #6 10-18-2010, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfrog

Talk about yourself.

I do that too much already.

jfrog · #7 10-19-2010, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

I do that too much already.

Oh and one other thing. If they give you an hour visitation (some places only give you 15 mins) then make sure you have an excuse to leave early incase you need to.

BeenThinkin · #8 10-18-2010, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

I don't want to just let him rot there.

We haven't talked since it happened and I am thinking that I maybe should go visit him.

I'm just at a loss for words as to what we could possibly talk about.

Jermyn, why don't you go and let him talk. See what he has to say. You may find that what he needs more than anything else is just someone to simply listen to him. Don't feel like you've got to do all the talking. And, if he will talk, you will know what to talk about! Just my thoughts....

Been Thinkin

Sam · #9 10-18-2010, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

I don't want to just let him rot there.

We haven't talked since it happened and I am thinking that I maybe should go visit him.

I'm just at a loss for words as to what we could possibly talk about.

It sounds like you consider him a friend so it's not like you would be making a "cold call" to some stranger who is incarcerated. I'd suggest you go visit him. Talk to him very frankly. Tell him that God can and will forgive him if he asks. Recommend Alcoholics Anonymous. AA "works if you work it." Lives have been changed by God working through AA even though some times He remains anonymous. As far as divorce, most of us don't really believe in divorce but some times it's the best solution. His wife has to decide on that.

Aquila · #10 06-15-2012, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson

I don't want to just let him rot there.

We haven't talked since it happened and I am thinking that I maybe should go visit him.

I'm just at a loss for words as to what we could possibly talk about.

Maybe that's the Lord telling you that you should go visit. Maybe you can be a friend and just listen or encourage some form of counseling. Maybe... you will learn even more from the experience to aid you in future situations.