Most of you know that I am unexpectedly expecting my first child (a little girl!) due in June. Most of you are also aware that my husband is an Atheist.
It never bothered me that he was an Atheist. When we were dating, we were both comfortable in our personal beliefs with no desire to influence the other.
I confess that I may have potentially been concerned about the difficulties differing beliefs could incur, had I believed that we would ever have children together or that it was even a remote possibility, I was supposedly barren!
My husband and I have had several discussions about ways that we could respectfully represent both of our beliefs, in such a way that when she is older she will be able to make her own choice.
However, where we struggle is in those formative years how to do we address her questions, or the fact that depending on who she asks she will get far different answers.
Avoiding questions and then leaving children to their own choice when they are old is sort of cruel -- and impossible. Your faith will be evident in the way you see the world around you. And of course, if you attend a church, that's an obvious point.
Does your husband care if the child is raised in the Christian faith?
Is your husband an aggressive and active atheist, or more towards that of an agnostic?
He's not aggressive. I could have never dated him if he was, not after my bad experiences in church. (A fundamentalist is a fundamentalist!)
But he is very sure and confident in his belief that there is no God. Just as sure and confident that I am that there is. We are both respectful of each others beliefs, and have hearty discussions, but our goal is never to try and change the other person.
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Originally Posted by Timmy
Compromise: raise her your way.
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Originally Posted by Socialite
Avoiding questions and then leaving children to their own choice when they are old is sort of cruel -- and impossible. Your faith will be evident in the way you see the world around you. And of course, if you attend a church, that's an obvious point.
Does your husband care if the child is raised in the Christian faith?
We don't intend to avoid the questions, we both want to respectfully present our views. The problem is, you can do that with an older child, you can't with a toddler!
I do not currently attend church. And I don't necessarily have plans too in the future. I live in a small town in the Bible belt and the most liberal of church to be found here, would be way too conservative for me.
My husband did say that if she was interested in learning more about any faith or attending any kind of religious service, he would be more than willing to attend with her, because he prizes intellectual curiosity and discovery.
I was not raised in any kind of church or in any kind of belief.
Yeah... he might not be aggressive... but he certainly isn't passive.
Well it will help if you are going to church because, if she wants to go with you, then she can learn about God and having a relationship with Him in those ways. Also... there is no greater teacher than example. If your child sees you living for God then she will learn from that as well.
With or without a mixed faith marriage... seeing the love of God and the Word of God active in your life is the best teacher there is.
But... to boil it down to the brass tacks of it all... Were I to find myself in a similar situation I would do all I could to keep trouble to a minimum because that is simply wise and will be the most productive. But, having said that, my child would learn about God, His Word, His Ways and how to have a relationship with Him and nobody would stop or hinder that.
There is nothing more important in my mind. If someone didn't want me to feed my child until they learned what kind of food they liked... I'd find a way to feed that child.
Last edited by Digging4Truth; 02-07-2011 at 01:43 PM.
Yeah... he might not be aggressive... but he certainly isn't passive.
Ha! That was funny on facebook. He actually thought you were being aggressive. Until I pointed out to him that you were posting on MY page not HIS and you know that I am a Christian.
Quote:
Well it will help if you are going to church because, if she wants to go with you, then she can learn about God and having a relationship with Him in those ways. Also... there is no greater teacher than example. If your child sees you living for God then she will learn from that as well.
With or without a mixed faith marriage... seeing the love of God and the Word of God active in your life is the best teacher there is.
But... to boil it down to the brass tacks of it all... Were I to find myself in a similar situation I would do all I could to keep trouble to a minimum because that is simply wise and will be the most productive. But, having said that, my child would learn about God, His Word, His Ways and how to have a relationship with Him and nobody would stop or hinder that.
There is nothing more important in my mind. If someone didn't want me to feed my child until they learned what kind of food they liked... I'd find a way to feed that child.
The fact that I am extremely laid back (some may prefer luke warm ) may actually make this situation a little easier. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus is Him. I think Jesus is a great example to us, and how we should live our lives. However, I don't know where I stand on church, I have serious issues with the Bible (as a literal source or "word of God"), and I'm pretty liberal when it comes to the concept of salvation, and I don't think I believe in a literal hell.
I guess some of that is obvious. Which is why I'm not worried about my husbands spirituality or lack there of.
Ha! That was funny on facebook. He actually thought you were being aggressive. Until I pointed out to him that you were posting on MY page not HIS and you know that I am a Christian.
The fact that I am extremely laid back (some may prefer luke warm ) may actually make this situation a little easier. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus is Him. I think Jesus is a great example to us, and how we should live our lives. However, I don't know where I stand on church, I have serious issues with the Bible (as a literal source or "word of God"), and I'm pretty liberal when it comes to the concept of salvation, and I don't think I believe in a literal hell.
I guess some of that is obvious. Which is why I'm not worried about my husbands spirituality or lack there of.
You sound a lot like those in the book "They Like Jesus but Not the Church."
The thing is, those who like Jesus, should concern themselves what he says. Not embracing one part to the exclusion of many others. The call to discipleship is not a passive one.
This situation has no easy solution (which is why being "unequally yoked" is a challenge in the first place). I wouldn't worry much about your husband's atheistic influences -- since believing in God is a pretty evident thing, something that takes great faith for someone to say they are certain there is no God. The lack of unity in the home on faith is more of the issue. Your child will need discipleship, which usually comes from parents who are also following Jesus. Surrounding your child with a community of believers, which is how the entire Gospel works itself out, and how it is effective, is critical. Otherwise, Christianity is a pluralistic religion of preference that involves little Calling, and accessorizes one's Facebook profile (religion.
I would sincerely pray about this situation. Pray that God gives you wisdom -- and that God would help you along the way as well. You will definitely need the help of the Holy Spirit in this.
Ha! That was funny on facebook. He actually thought you were being aggressive. Until I pointed out to him that you were posting on MY page not HIS and you know that I am a Christian.
The fact that I am extremely laid back (some may prefer luke warm ) may actually make this situation a little easier. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus is Him. I think Jesus is a great example to us, and how we should live our lives. However, I don't know where I stand on church, I have serious issues with the Bible (as a literal source or "word of God"), and I'm pretty liberal when it comes to the concept of salvation, and I don't think I believe in a literal hell.
I guess some of that is obvious. Which is why I'm not worried about my husbands spirituality or lack there of.
Mich - not a task I would want to take on, or recommend, but once you've taken it on, well, you've taken it on.
My thoughts would be:
Start with what you know. What you stated above is a great place to start, and your husband should respect your right as a mother to pass along these ideas to your child. At the same time, your husband will have that same right to present his opposing views. When your children are little, they are less prepared for a non-unified front, so you need to find points you can agree on and present those. If, for example, your husband believes that the teachings of Jesus, whether He be God or simple prophet, are at least applicable and beneficial, you can start with that common ground.
As your child gets older, they should hear both sides and then be encouraged to find the answers by looking at other resources, including the Bible. At the very least, the Bible is a fine piece of literature with historical accounts, prose and poetry and insight into ancient cultures. Reading the Bible should be encouraged on those points alone.
Your husband should keep himself open to new ideas, too. If he wants to produce a child who is open-minded, curious and interested in exploration, then he must also be open to exploration of ideas, including the idea that there is a God, or common divine source of humanity.
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"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
) may actually make this situation a little easier. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus is Him. I think Jesus is a great example to us, and how we should live our lives. However, I don't know where I stand on church, I have serious issues with the Bible (as a literal source or "word of God"), and I'm pretty liberal when it comes to the concept of salvation, and I don't think I believe in a literal hell.
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