Location: just north of the celtics red sox and patriots go baby!
Posts: 730
Re: Joke and funny stuff Thread
contractor goes the the local minister when his brother dies and says, if will do my brothers funeral and say something nice about him, i will pay off the mortgage on your new chuirch. minister thinks about it and he knew, there wasnt much good about this man, but he says yes anyway. at the funeral the mans brother has checkall wriiten out. the minister starts out with, well we gathered here today to pay our respects to this man, that was a liar cheat and a womanizer and everybody knows it. the contractor is already to put the check back in his pocket, when the minister finishes with BUT compared with his brother he was truly a saint !
A young husband and wife invited their pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, their young son was in the living room entertaining the pastor.
"What are we having for dinner?" the minister asked.
"Goat," replied the boy.
"Goat?" repeated the startled pastor. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad tell Mom, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
__________________
...that my prayers would truly be a conversation with Jesus, and not just me blabbing on.
Sven was turning 78 and was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When Sven returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Sven nodded... "I'll tell you doc, by Gosh, I taught I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3rd day."
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"Heck no, it wuz from all dat dang skippin!"
__________________
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
Newsflash...
Speaker Nancy Pelosi was reportedly bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking in the woods near her Califonia home. Hospital sources report that the congresswoman is in stable condition doing fine. The snake was treated and relaesed but may require extensive therapy.
I just couldn't resist......
Bump for haters
__________________ If I do something stupid blame the Lortab!
I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I will be asking that you return America to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
__________________ If I do something stupid blame the Lortab!
I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request. First and foremost, I will be asking that you return America to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
Add my signature to that letter as well, Ferdinand!
Linear Mode
