To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter

[KeptByTheWord]

Thanks for posting the article PO. More women need to realize the desperate struggle men have with their visual perception, and make it easier on them by covering up, and not acting in a provocative way. Others have said it on here in this discussion as well, but I'll chime in and agree. Pornography is a problem that needs a two-way street to be resolved. Men need to rein in their lust, but women need to be aware of how hard it is for men to see immodest clothing on them, and women need to wear clothing that doesn't accentuate or provoke attention from men, if possible.

I've heard it said before that "pornography" is every man's struggle, and I think that it must be true. Women need to do their best to understand that struggle, and help protect their husbands from it by - as crakjak said - " love him in so many ways that he has nothing left for outside of your relationship!!!"

[Pressing-On]

Was anyone focusing on the daughter who shared her experience at "12-years old" having to process porn on her father's computer? 12 years old!

Can anyone pull up a chair and begin to think of what she had to process when she viewed what her father had been viewing and how that subsequently affected her life. Both scared and curious, how horrible her little heart felt? Did she ever get those images out of her head?

It isn't about cutting her father some slack. It is addressing the lackadaisical attitude that "boys will be boys". Hold him accountable, but cut him some slack, 'cause that what men do. Ugh!

Do men realize why many women dress like they do? I know there are some women who will dress provocative anyway, but "many" already feel objectified and so they fall into that horrible trap that men have laid out for them - I want eye candy!

The daughter began to notice that many men were like her father. "I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way. As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

That was the girl's point in the letter. Please stop making excuses for what men and society are doing to women's lives. That has to be a huge part of the conversation while we are talking about both sides of the story.

[good samaritan]

Was anyone focusing on the daughter who shared her experience at "12-years old" having to process porn on her father's computer? 12 years old!

Can anyone pull up a chair and begin to think of what she had to process when she viewed what her father had been viewing and how that subsequently affected her life. Both scared and curious, how horrible her little heart felt? Did she ever get those images out of her head?

Me and my brother who didn't live together found a porn video as children probably about 12 or less in our mothers closet and watched it. At that age it wasn't devastating, but it was interesting for two boys who knew little about the birds and bees. Again, porn is wrong, but that letter sounded like that girl was blaming all of her future relationship troubles on her father's addiction. It sounds like she don't want to claim her own personal problems.

Do men realize why many women dress like they do? I know there are some women who will dress provocative anyway, but "many" already feel objectified and so they fall into that horrible trap that men have laid out for them - I want eye candy!

Sounds like you are doing the same thing that you say men are doing "blaming it on other people". Men aren't the reason women dress the way they do. I would say the pressure for a women to dress bad is more about competing and being as pretty as the next lady. Ladies ego's sometimes are far bigger than men's. Besides any good man isn't wanting to see some half naked women. I am a critic in my home with my daughter and wife on their clothes.

The problem is that women so often times are dressing to please the wrong men. I grew up a church kid who was taught to be respectful to ladies, but girls didn't show me the time of day. The boys who talked rudely and was smoking in the bathrooms and breaking all the rules seem to really draw them in. I am defending the other side because the letter did so good a job putting a man down that I don't think it needs any help.

The daughter began to notice that many men were like her father. "I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way. As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

This young woman will never know the struggles of being a man and vice versa. That is why I say cut him some slack. Condemnation doesn't help anyone, but pushes them down. I wonder if this lady ever spent this much time writing something good about her father.

[n david]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

Was anyone focusing on the daughter who shared her experience at "12-years old" having to process porn on her father's computer? 12 years old!

Can anyone pull up a chair and begin to think of what she had to process when she viewed what her father had been viewing and how that subsequently affected her life. Both scared and curious, how horrible her little heart felt? Did she ever get those images out of her head?

It isn't about cutting her father some slack. It is addressing the lackadaisical attitude that "boys will be boys". Hold him accountable, but cut him some slack, 'cause that what men do. Ugh!

Do men realize why many women dress like they do? I know there are some women who will dress provocative anyway, but "many" already feel objectified and so they fall into that horrible trap that men have laid out for them - I want eye candy!

The daughter began to notice that many men were like her father. "I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way. As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. "

That was the girl's point in the letter. Please stop making excuses for what men and society are doing to women's lives. That has to be a huge part of the conversation while we are talking about both sides of the story.

[n david]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

But, please note that in Deut 22:20 if a woman was found NOT to be a virgin, she was brought to her "father's doorstep" and stoned. Not outside the camp or at the city gate, but to her father. He is and should be her principle protector. Men should take that roll much more seriously than they do today.

That's a great point. Thank you for posting this. Father's must protect their daughters and instruct their sons.

[Aquila]

While I mentioned that there seemed to be a "blame game" in the young woman's story, I'd also like to mention something else. I believe the father was irresponsible here. Any parent who owns anything of an intimate or private nature knows that it must be kept from the prying eyes and fingers of children. This guy left his garbage open to be discovered and viewed, knowing he has a 12 year old daughter that is in the house, and would most likely use the computer. This is an irresponsible dad.

On a side note... my parents weren't perfect. I don't think anyone's parents are. I can't blame my mom for my issues because I was taken aback by the raunchy story line in a "romance novel" I stumbled across while bored one day. Parents aren't perfect. They are human beings with human nature. Since when did we start demanding such a high level of perfection from our kids and/or parents that when we discover their humanity, weaknesses, or sins we fall all apart like a house of cards???

Mom was a very modest Pentecostal lady. She raised me as a single mom for most of my childhood. Am I to freak out, or think less of her, because she had a couple steamy "romance novels" on the book shelf in her bedroom? I don't think so.

My mom was a Pentecostal lady who prayed for me and drug me to church with her all the time. She'd pray at home often. She'd also play worship and praise music quite regularly. But she wasn't Mother Theresa. She was also a human being with human desires, interests, and needs. She was a lady entitled to her privacy.

I think that sometimes we expect far too much of our children, our parents, our friends, our spouses, and even our elders. People are human. And though some abuses, realizations, and discoveries stick with us... ultimately we're responsible for our own life choices.

[good samaritan]

I am a liberal holiness believer. I believe that a lady should dress like a lady and man should dress like a man and they should both be modest. I say liberal because I don't think that we should put people in hell because they don't dress the way we want them to. Although, I would encourage all to live a little higher. a couple of question I have:

1) Why do women wear makeup? Men don't. I don't know who a lady is trying to impress when she goes out in public unless she is wanting positive attention.

2)Are pants on a woman modest? Preachers decades ago from most all denominations preached that pants were men's attire. I know it was the cultural accepted norm for the time and that men wore pants and ladies wore dresses. Today it is accepted in culture for women and men to wear pants, but yet even the doctor that PO spoke of mentioned what society was doing to men. Culture isn't becoming more godly it is becoming less godly.

I struggle teaching that ladies shouldn't wear pants because it pertains to a man. It is culturally accepted now as women's pants.Although, I see a modesty issue with probably 80% of ladies pants. They are made to fit and show curves of a females body that shouldn't be seen. Men shouldn't look but most will and there is just as much guilt in showing as in looking.

3)How come women wear the jewelry? Men don't. A man might wear a watch,wedding ban, class ring, etc. Man usually don't wear much jewelry unless its functional or to produce and image. I had several earrings in my late teens to portray a bad boy image that really didn't come natural. Many (not all) women feel they need rings plural, necklaces, or earring to accommodate their wardrobe. Women seem to struggle with vanity in dress more than men.(there are exceptions but overall)

It would seem that men and ladies sinful nature feed one another. We need to be accountable, but also merciful because we all have our battles. I don't think that one is worse than another, but we all have sinned and come short of the glory. I wonder what would the girl look like that wrote the letter. Would she be modest or possibly another case of the kettle calling the pot black.

[good samaritan]

Originally Posted by Aquila

While I mentioned that there seemed to be a "blame game" in the young woman's story, I'd also like to mention something else. I believe the father was irresponsible here. Any parent who owns anything of an intimate or private nature knows that it must be kept from the prying eyes and fingers of children. This guy left his garbage open to be discovered and viewed, knowing he has a 12 year old daughter that is in the house, and would most likely use the computer. This is an irresponsible dad.

On a side note... my parents weren't perfect. I don't think anyone's is. I can't blame my mom for my issues because I was taken aback by the raunchy story line in a "romance novel" I stumbled across while board one day. Parents aren't perfect. They are human beings with human nature. Since when did we start demanding such a high level of perfection from our kids and/or parents that when we discover their humanity, weaknesses, or sins we fall all apart like a house of cards???

Mom was a very modest Pentecostal lady. She raised me as a single mom for most of my childhood. Am I to freak out, or think less of her, because she had a couple steamy "romance novels" on the book shelf in her bedroom room?

I don't think so.

My mom was a Pentecostal lady who prayed for me and drug me to church with her all the time. She's pray at home often. She's also play worship and praise music quite regularly. But she wasn't Mother Theresa. She was also a human being with human desires, interests, and needs. She was a lady entitled to her privacy.

I think that sometimes we expect far too much of our children, our parents, our friends, our spouses, and even our elders. People are human. And though some abuses, realizations, and discoveries stick with us... ultimately we're responsible for our own life choices.

Thanks for giving honor to your mother! I agree the dad was irrispnsible and wrong for his choices.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by good samaritan

Me and my brother who didn't live together found a porn video as children probably about 12 or less in our mothers closet and watched it. At that age it wasn't devastating, but it was interesting for two boys who knew little about the birds and bees. Again, porn is wrong, but that letter sounded like that girl was blaming all of her future relationship troubles on her father's addiction. It sounds like she don't want to claim her own personal problems.



Sounds like you are doing the same thing that you say men are doing "blaming it on other people". Men aren't the reason women dress the way they do. I would say the pressure for a women to dress bad is more about competing and being as pretty as the next lady. Ladies ego's sometimes are far bigger than men's. Besides any good man isn't wanting to see some half naked women. I am a critic in my home with my daughter and wife on their clothes.

The problem is that women so often times are dressing to please the wrong men. I grew up a church kid who was taught to be respectful to ladies, but girls didn't show me the time of day. The boys who talked rudely and was smoking in the bathrooms and breaking all the rules seem to really draw them in. I am defending the other side because the letter did so good a job putting a man down that I don't think it needs any help.



This young woman will never know the struggles of being a man and vice versa. That is why I say cut him some slack. Condemnation doesn't help anyone, but pushes them down. I wonder if this lady ever spent this much time writing something good about her father.

You know what I believe? I am thinking of a comment by Whoopi Goldberg saying that unless you are black, you will not understand what true racism is. She said that some white people get it, but only black people know what it feels like.

In that same vain, unless you are a woman, you cannot truly understand the pressure that we deal with from a sexual society.

This woman opened up a very necessary dialogue we should be having.

By way of example, a supposedly conservative radio host in Houston was calling for everyone to come to the beach in Galveston because they will have a car show with women in bikinis. I asked him why he would suggest such a thing being a married Christian. He said, "Oh, go take it up with Pat Robertson." LOL! He didn't care if he protected those women's lives. Why not? Because "boys will be boys". Does he realize that he is not helping men get out of their porn addictions? Does he realize HE is an enabler? Does HE realize HE is part of the problem?

You can see suggestive stuff on Glen Beck's website, and many others. I guess men don't read the news unless half dressed women are present? They should all be held accountable.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Aquila

While I mentioned that there seemed to be a "blame game" in the young woman's story, I'd also like to mention something else. I believe the father was irresponsible here. Any parent who owns anything of an intimate or private nature knows that it must be kept from the prying eyes and fingers of children. This guy left his garbage open to be discovered and viewed, knowing he has a 12 year old daughter that is in the house, and would most likely use the computer. This is an irresponsible dad.

Exactly - period.