Spiritual Abuse Forum???

[Barb]

Originally Posted by Sarge

This is quite true. And her article has remained along with her email so people could give her feedback.

Hello there, Barb!

Hello, Sarge...

[Rhoni]

UPCI has it's issues just like any individual, family, or community. But I want to say...I have enjoyed her Bible Quizzing, Bible Colleges, Home missions, and Pastorates. I appreciate my heritage but it took me a decade to forgive her for the hurts, abandonment, and rejection. I have forgiven, but not forgotten.

The best way to get over something is to write it out or talk it out with a close friend or a counselor. If you write it down - burn it and forgive as you burn it. If you talk about it...put it in you hand and raise it up to God and give it to him.

To talk about it keeps the wounds open and the infection growing.

Blessings, Rhoni

[LaVonne]

Originally Posted by pelathais

I hope that my last post gives you some idea of my respect for the Cupples.

I was trying to be ironic with the "failing to get with the program..." remark. In fact, I think we need to work a little harder to catch up with Sherri.

Agreed!

Thank you for clarifying yourself.

Originally Posted by Sherri

I just went to the Spiritual Abuse website that Lois Somebody oversees. Does anyone know anything about her or this site? I have never been on it before, and honestly, I don't understand what she's trying to accomplish. No matter how much it says that it's not bashing UPC, it seems that that's the agenda there.

It's interesting how much my site has come up on these boards.

It's Lois Gibson. There's an information page on my background on the spiritual abuse web site for anyone who wants to know a little more. I don't have a lot of time to respond as I have been very busy. Someone alerted me to this thread (nope, not Thad!), so I felt I'd respond a little.

Sherri, the site does not bash the UPC as you put it. The main purpose of the site is to bring attention to the subject of spiritual abuse in any Bible based church. The secondary focus is on the UPC simply because that is the group I came out of where I experienced such. If I had been in an AOG or Baptist church, the secondary focus would have been on them.

To be quite frank, AFF postings have 'bashed' the UPC way more than my site ever has. You won't find all the latest negative media reports revolving around the UPC there.

To my knowledge, I have the only site that gives ample space for UPC/Apostolic views to be presented. There are a great many links to apostolic sites from mine. In addition, I allow UPC and other apostolic members to write articles directly on the site.

In addition, I also add information that I sure don't have to, such as pages from an old UPC Manual listing the districts, churches and ministers involved. More will be added in this area as time permits.

I know and understand that there is major abuse in some situations, but there is major abuse in any organization or denomination.

I would agree that there is abuse in any group, but I can't agree with 'major' abuse being in them all.

People are people, some good and some bad. If you choose to leave a group (like we did), I think you should just leave and not rehash all the things you think are evil about it. What is the point of "exposing" things ten years down the road? Sorry, but I just think this is wrong.

Sherri, you could always have written me privately through the email address given in many places on my site and asked me these things. I don't rehash what I went through on the site, though I do speak of things when the occasion arises on the support group.

The site wasn't created ten years down the road. I left in late 1993 and I created the site in mid 1997, not quite four years later. That happened after I had attended a conference on unhealthy groups of all types. It was there I saw how widespread the problem of spiritual abuse was and started a small site as an AOL homepage. It grew little by little over time to what it is today. It's still there because the problems have not gone away.

Originally Posted by StMark

DIDN"T I TELL YOU I WAS ABOUT TO TELL HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL- sorry, but I didn't get any email from you!

[mizpeh]

Sarge,

Are the folks who have been abused able to get over it or do they rehash it and build up bitterness by talking about it over and over? I can understand how venting will help and talking to others who have experienced the same makes one feel less isolated but in the long run does it help? I think it is sad when some folks get stuck in that rut and never move on.

Here's some excellent advice given by Rhoni on the subject. http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...7&postcount=16

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Sarge

No, Coonskinner does not know me personally- only via contact through these boards. We both have a mutual respect for one another and he's even called me "sister."

I have to say, when I read Rev's comment, I thought, "I've never gotten that even once from CS." I don't know you (hardly at all), but I don't believe I've ever seen CS dislike someone simply because they have a strong point of view.

Good question, mizpeh. On the support group board we do allow venting, but we also expect people to get past that point as they heal. In other words, we do not baby people there and we have a limit to how much venting we allow. A great many do move past whatever hurt they encountered. So, in the long run, it helps a great deal to have a safe place to share, along with encouragement to move past the hurts, forgive others, and move forward in their walks with God.

For those who may be looking into registering at the support group board, we screen people pretty well. Registering does not allow you access to the board. You have to respond to a questionnaire first before membership will be considered. And we have restrictions for current members due to past problems where people only wanted access to tell people how wrong they were, were lost, and so forth. So you'll be disappointed if you try to peak at the board as it's not going to happen. The only thing you can read there is our new blog section.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by mizpeh

Sarge,

Are the folks who have been abused able to get over it or do they rehash it and build up bitterness by talking about it over and over? I can understand how venting will help and talking to others who have experienced the same makes one feel less isolated but in the long run does it help? I think it is sad when some folks get stuck in that rut and never move on.

Here's some excellent advice given by Rhoni on the subject. http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...7&postcount=16

In the field of conflict resolution there is the principle of "Acknowledgement." If an aggrieved party doesn't feel that the other side even understands that they have hurt someone, then the whole process will be long and drawn out- if it ever gets resolved.

The way most insitutions deal with their wounded is to say that the wounded either had it coming all along, or that while "mistakes were made" but that nobody really got hurt. This is often the real cause of resentment and bitterness, and not the original wound.

Add to this the fact that we really have no means of holding our pastors accountable, coupled with the fact that the wounded are "supposed" to keep silent: I think you can see how some things can really fester for years.

We need to shed the "infallibility and invulnerability" doctrine that we hold up for our pastors. The first people to benefit would be those selfsame pastors. We do allow enough "weasel room" on this that most Apostolics can say, "But my pastor isn't infallible..." But just challenge this same person with a purely academic challenge to his/her pastor's last sermon and see what response you get.

Officially, our pastors and preachers are not infallible nor invulnerable. But in practice, that's exactly what we make them out to be. And this will always lead to spiritual abuse.

FWIW: Rhoni seems to offer an approach where she took responsibility for her own mental health, so to speak. I don't know the circumstances, but she was genuinely hurt. How much better would her healing path have been if there were people around at the start would could say, "You know Rhoni, that must have really hurt..." But we don't tend to say things like that. Instead we say things like, "Were you behind on your tithes when that happened... you know God won't bless you if you're behind on your tithes..."

[Harmony]

I became a member of Lois site when I was first leaving the UPC. I appreciate the support and the manner in which Lois admins the board. If you are given membership access you are going to be able to share your fears your hurts etc. FOR THE PURPOSE OF HEALING!! It is not a place where you bash the UPC at all!!

I was a member for perhaps a year or so and then as I became adjusted to the outside world I didn't feel the need to go back there. It was until recently that I contacted Lois and asked for my membership to be returned. I have alot of family still in the UPC and I am still affected in a negative way by there judgmental spirits.

If is crazy to think that just because you have not had a negative experience in the UPC to play it down as if you should just: GET OVER IT!...my word, is that how your minister to those who have been physically or sexually abused? Some wounds take time to heal. If you don't have the finances to pay for a shrink then you do what you can....I am glad for her site.

Lois and the other admin have a genuine ministering spirit to help you stay on track with your relationship with God. They encourage those that show up to continue in there relationship with God. How is that a bad or negative thing? I am dissapointed in Sherri putting this on the forum without talking with Lois herself. I believe she is hard towards those who have genuinly been hurt by the UPC....

You know the more I think this thru the more peaved I am....What manner has Lois always acted on these forums? She is always above board in her spirit....