Texans have Aggie Joke, an aggie being someone who goes to or went to Texas A&M University.
There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
"Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"
One of the Aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"
What is the difference between an Aggie and a carp?
One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
What is the difference between the Aggies and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player.
Did you hear about the skeleton they found in a closet in one of the dorms at A&M?
It was the 1963 hide-and-go-seek champion!
Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
Why did the Aggie get fired from the M&M plant as a quality control inspector?
He kept throwing out all the W&W's!
Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.
An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked
how he lost it, he replied, "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Darn! There goes another one!"
Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.
Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
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If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8 KJV
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2 KJV
See if NOW gets worked up over making fun of blondes!
Blondes Are The Best!!!
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
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You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants..
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth..'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.
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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
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These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied.....'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'
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Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
Linear Mode
