It looks like my great grandmother is dying. You see, she has congestive heart failure, pneumonia, and several other things going on. She's been unconscious and on a respirator all week. When they took her off of it, she couldn't breathe on her own. The doctors are telling us that they want to see if there is any change today or tomorrow. If there isn't, they advise that we consider if we are prepared to let her go.
Now, here's my question. My son (7 years old) has been visiting her with me the past couple months. And so he's kind of built a relationship with her. When I broke this news to him last night, he cried. I told him that I was going to the hospital to see her and he said that he wanted to come too. I explained that she was unconscious and that she was on a respirator. I acted out what it's like and explained everything for him. He still wants to go. I talked to a few people about it and they think that it would be good closure for him. It will also generate questions that he needs to have answered. They also see it as an experience that will create stronger bonds between us.
However, my ex feels that it would be inappropriate. And is giving me grief over the idea of him going to see is great grandmother and saying goodbye before she passes. She thinks he should stay home and draw her a goodbye picture.
I don't know what to do. Is she right? Am I mistaken and perhaps he is too young to deal with saying goodbye?
To add a problem into the mix... my girlfriend's daughter also grew rather close to my grandmother. Now, this little girl is also 7 (one month behind my son). She was able to say goodbye to her grandpa
after he passed. She has very fond memories of her grandpa and seems not to have been negatively affected by seeing his body and saying goodbye. So, my girlfriend's daughter really wants to see my grandmother before she passes. Both kids cried and expressed sorrow over "great grandma going to Heaven". And both immediately piped up asking to go with me.
So here's the issue...
Do we deny allowing my girlfriend's daughter to see my grandmother before she passes because my ex won't allow me to take my son to see her even though both her and her mother have essentially become a part of my family?
Or do I allow her to see my grandmother and to say goodbye...
without taking my own son to see her to keep my ex happy?
How will he be affected by Addy being able to see her... and him not being able to see her?
Is my ex overreacting and now allowing my son to experience death and grief???
Is this something to take a stand on???
What are some resources to either help me better understand that kids are better off being sheltered at this age... or some resources that might help me help my ex come around should 7 year olds need to have a say in saying goodbye, how they grieve, etc.?
I'm really torn.
Threaded Mode
