Respect as Women

[ILG]

I have been reading a book called Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor. She was an episcopal priest for many years before deciding to leave ministry. She wore a clerical collar and I find her experiences to be similar to mine when I left. Here is some of what she wrote:

"(When I left...)Getting dressed in the morning was the hardest part........my uniform had shaped other people's responses to me......people shifted from normal gear into the most reverent gear they could find. ...They talked about....Sunday School....Vacation Bible School. As well intentioned as it was......it was as distancing as a velvet rope in a museum. I had the clear sense I was supposed to stay on my side of it, where I would not get mixed up in things that were too crude or worldly for me.......People watched their language, they shielded me from their darker natures. They guarded my purity. But sooner or later many of them needed a pastor and neither of us could afford the pretense of my innocence any longer. Like most clergy, I know how to post bond, lead an intervention, commit someone to a mental health institution etc."

I think much of this is true about standards as far as the dressing part. For me, since we had been pastoring for 10 years when we left....I think it was maybe more pronounced than for some others since I left both the standards and my role as pastor's wife behind all at once. This was incredibly difficult. I got a job as a hotel housekeeper for a few months before I found something else. One of the women looked at me one day and said "What are you doing here??" She wasn't trying to be mean. She just knew I was a fish out of water.

It's taken me a long time to land as much as I even have. Having had a "white collar profession" (I was co-pastor) and then stepping out into the world with no college education and therefore "unqualified" for most everything, it was really tough. I did finally get a job as a family advocate at a domestic abuse shelter. I thought the job would have fit me like a glove but the culture and rules tied my hands greatly when I was used to making my own decisions. People largely see you for the role you work in. And, again, I walked away from another job that didn't fit me, even though my job was quite respected. I then worked in a library in a position less than what I knew I could do but I was "unqualified" for another position (that I had done in another town) because of my education level. Hence, my going to school for a while, which I don't regret at all, but have since also moved on from.

Anyway, that's kind of a digression from the topic, but just shows my own path.

So, maybe then it is not the particular standards themselves that are taught by the UPC, but rather the visual message given by them. This same message is given and practiced by other cultures and religions and seems to have the same effect. One thing I noticed Barbara Brown Taylor said is "it was as distancing as a velvet rope in a museum." I think this is true as well. People are more open to me now, for good and for bad. People may be more likely to cuss around me, but they are also more real. They are more human. I missed that while I was in the church....people were too much like ice sculptures, trying to be perfect.