For those who want to know...RULES at my church!

[JaneEyre]

Originally Posted by The Mrs

I see it's the naysayers turn to voice their opinions and make light of something they really have no idea how hurtful and painful it really is.

It has been repeated over and over...if you haven't walked a mile in my shoes, you have no clue what you're talking about. In this case, that really does apply.

I always get irritated when I see posts that say, 'just walk', 'just leave', 'just go somewhere else'. Vote with your feet. I wish it were that simple, but it's not.

Unless you have been under spiritual abuse, or cult-like tendencies, you can't imagine how hard it really is. You don't 'just leave'. You are tied to that place and that leadership with only one thought in mind...your salvation is at stake. You HAVE to make it to heaven. And THIS is the ONLY WAY to get there. You are taught that there's no other way to be saved. I would NEVER risk my salvation like that.

You can't 'vote with your feet' unless you know it's wrong. Unless you've already had some exposure to it, you just don't realize it's wrong. NOW I know what to look for, and what to avoid...but I didn't THEN. I thought it was how everybody lived (inside the UPC of course).

People living under this kind of bondage lead very pain-filled lives. As witnessed in this thread alone, there were remarks made of suicide, or 'death thoughts'. I remember being one of those as well. You can't please the pastor, so you must not be pleasing God, so you start to think you would be better off dead, and wonder why God hasn't taken your life already. I remember several months that everytime I got in the car I expected to die in a crash.

When you first start realizing something's wrong, and you need to get out of there, you don't think about just going to the church next door. The only acceptable way for you to ever leave THAT CHURCH is if you move. So you start praying that God would give your husband a job opportunity in another city. Or another state. Or even in my case, another country. A job change is the ONLY acceptable reason, and even then it still has to be 'okayed' by the pastor. You still have to ask his permission. And he still has to consult with God about it, and will let you know the outcome.

I wish I could convey the hold this type of teaching has on a person...when you are constantly reminded of how your salvation is tied to this, you don't ever just walk away, or even dare to disagree.

I can tell from this post that you "have lived it"....Only someone who's been in this situation - someone's who's lived it can have these insights. Thanks, Sis. I wanted to type something like this but didn't take the time.