OH! You think I think
bad of myself!
That I revel in my heathenosity with an abandon worthy of a true reprobate.
Not at all!
I am happy. Welll....not
all the time, 'cause let's face it, I am still married to an Aspie who's been out of work for 15 months, and you know, like is stressful.
But beyond that, I really am. For 8 years whether or not I was going to hell consumed my every waking thought. (I constantly thought I was, though I worked super-hard to try and prevent that).
Now, I'm somewhat...well...nonchalant about the whole thing. If God wants to send me to hell, that's His call. But I would just as soon not spend my entire life obsessing about it.
I used to think it was about the destination, but I don't anymore. I think it's about the journey. I don't think faith is about knowing all the right answers. I think its about living in the midst of all the questions.
And I think that I have learned that. So words like heathen and reprobate have no sting for me. I am what I am. God is what He is. And together we are what we are.
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