For My Own Eyes

[My Own Eyes]

Originally Posted by Rico

Sister, not to be rude, but so what? So what if you are questioning pretty much everything right now? You obviously have not abandoned faith, evidenced by the part of your post I bolded. There's a big difference in not being pro something and being anti something. Catch my drift? I don't think you've walked as far away as you, or others around here, might think. I worry, not so much about what others think of you, but more about what you think of yourself.

OH! You think I think bad of myself!

That I revel in my heathenosity with an abandon worthy of a true reprobate.

Not at all!

I am happy. Welll....not all the time, 'cause let's face it, I am still married to an Aspie who's been out of work for 15 months, and you know, like is stressful.

But beyond that, I really am. For 8 years whether or not I was going to hell consumed my every waking thought. (I constantly thought I was, though I worked super-hard to try and prevent that).

Now, I'm somewhat...well...nonchalant about the whole thing. If God wants to send me to hell, that's His call. But I would just as soon not spend my entire life obsessing about it.

I used to think it was about the destination, but I don't anymore. I think it's about the journey. I don't think faith is about knowing all the right answers. I think its about living in the midst of all the questions.

And I think that I have learned that. So words like heathen and reprobate have no sting for me. I am what I am. God is what He is. And together we are what we are.