HELP!!! question for you all.

[jaxfam6]

Originally Posted by Blubayou

Depends- How would it affect your support for your family (job). Is there any way that your family can raise money to help your sister with the care of your mother or find a assisted living apt. that specializes in caring for people with your mother's condition? We have that in our town. There are also services that will come into the home and care for people in thier homes here. I would proceed very carefully. Talk with your wife at length and your siblings. I have faced a simular situation . Dont make any knee jerk decisions based on the emotions of the moment.

Originally Posted by tstew

If you are in a good place in terms of stability and having a good church (which I think is important for your family and will pay tremendous dividends in the future), how feasible would it be for your mother to move either in with you or close to you in one of the kinds of places discussed above.
From what you have said about your sister's situation, her house may not be the best place for your mother now anyway. If your sister is overwhelmed with a daughter having problems and if her son "is taking over the house", your mother may be better able to enjoy her twilight years elsewhere.
It appears that you may be better able to help without having to return to a place that you don't want to be in the first place and may not be the best place for your family.

Let me see if I can keep things straight here and answer both of these.

My sister has gotten help from a local group that specializes in these situations. As for money needed to help or money needed for her to get in home help that is not needed. Mom has an aide that come in to help her bathe and do her hair. She also helps her get ready in the morning to go to the adult center. This has been a great relief.
My wife and I have talked this over and she says that no matter what I decide that is fine with her.
As for my job, I can work from home so I could move and continue with my current job. That would be a plus.
As for my mom coming to live with us, NOT a chance. What had been happening was that she would live with my one sister for a while and then with the other sister and then with us. She moved between us during the year. We lived further south than the rest so it was winter with us. We would get her late fall and she would stay until early spring. Then it was to one of my sisters houses and then to the next. That worked for a while till she got to where she was having more problems doing that than she did staying in one place. So about 5 years ago she decided to stay in Ohio. She has visited us for two weeks a few years ago and then the following year we went to visit her for two weeks. Well now she just pretty much stays put. She does not want to travel. She does not want to leave the house a lot of times. They have to really push her to get her to go anywhere other than church.
She dealt with this when her mother got older. She has feared this day. She has asked my sister to not put her in a nursing home or assisted living unless she absolutely has to. Since her accident that broke her arm a couple months back she has gotten more frail it seems.
I simply feel useless not being there. I feel like there is something I should be doing and I am not. I have three brothers that live within 15 minutes and they do VERY LITTLE. I hate feeling this way.
We love our church. We love the people we go to church with. ALL of my boys have been filled with the Holy Ghost here. We share a vision with the pastor here. Something I can not say about anywhere else we have been.
I think what we are going to do is to plan for me to go back and spend a week here as soon as we can afford it. Stay with her and see how things are going and then go from there. If it looks like she could be out of a nursing home for 3 or more years and that going home would help to accomplish that then maybe so but if not then stay put and just go back to help out when ever possible through out the year. Of course to drive is a LONG time and to fly now is much more expensive.

Thanks for your thoughts folks. Your continued prayers would be greatly appreciated.