My Experience

[TheIndependent]

After tirelessly reading so many threads which appear to me to be from various points of view, I've come to this conclusion: the organization seems to be filled with so much confusion, turmoil, and politics...all the while, IMO, God is sitting back wondering when "His" people will get it right.

I am simply stating what's on my mind, not only based on various threads here on AFF, but also from past experiences. So, my responses are genuine and should be taken in such fashion. In no way am I trying to convey a message or spirit of division; simply put, I would hope others who have been in my shoes and are searching for the truth (who don't claim they've found it, yet) would speak up. Of course, others who have "found it" and are firmly devoted to the organization are more than welcome to speak up as well. No worries, I won't be using anyone's initials out of respect for privacy.

I've been under the voice of Pentecostal preaching for about 10 years now. Prior to, I went where ever my parents decided to go for a short spell. Needless to say, I've been to a number of churches and heard a wide spectrum of preaching styles and messages. Overall, I like the lively, more fired-up preaching/teaching and music. So, I should fit well into the Pentecostal faith, right?

My journey began when I received the Holy Ghost, got baptised in Jesus' name, and started learning so much more about the Word than I had before. Talk about missing out! I was missing out on a lot. From a non-UPCI church to one that was affiliated, things took a noticeable turn toward what I thought was better at the time. I "cleaned up" in more ways than one -- got rid of "unacceptable" music and my TV, quit going to certain places that were told to me to be contradicting the Christian walk, left the friends I knew for all of my life, etc. It all happened so fast, there was no time for me to question anything; I thought all was going well.

Little did I know the damage it was causing for my own flesh and blood (parents/grandparents), and those friends of mine I knew for well-longer than the people I just got started knowing at the church. Being questioned on what I was getting myself into, why I stopped listening to my "music" (even though country music isn't all that influential for me, as it may have been for others), why I stopped watching TV, etc. So many questions that the only answer I had was "Well, I just don't believe in that." It didn't take long before tensions and numerous arguments began, which eventually lead to me being kicked out of my home.

Prior to being kicked out, I was already exploring the idea of moving closer to the church to become more involved. An opportunity came up for me to move, but my folks reacted much worse and much sooner than I expected. From that point on, one thing lead to another. More arguments and tension, long periods of not speaking to one another. Come wedding time, things appeared to be fine. More arguments and tension. Come time for children to be born, more arguments and tension. All of this while living under the doctrine of separation and, as I realized much later, near isolation.

Situations occurred later on down the road, including a change in pastorship, then later the opportunity to move back closer to home and family. Additionally, moving back home allowed me to be part of a church that is still affiliated with the organization but is far from preaching the UPCI's definition of standards and holiness.

Granted God blessed me while under the organizational preaching, I realize it took me walking so treacherously in that chapter of my life in order for me to see where I've been and where I am now. The people I'm around now certainly do not fit the organization's guidelines as a Christian. However, they are far more genuine and sincere than many I've seen who are strictly involved with the organization and hold so dearly its truth.

God has blessed me far beyond what I'm remotely worthy of and poured out layer upon layer of mercy and grace. I'm not disguising myself as something I'm not. Situations that I will not mention on here allowed me to see the plasticity that is spewed from the actions of so many people who are so devoted to living under the organization's strict demands and commands, yet while away from the "chosen few" pull stunts that the organziation would label as backslidden.

As a result of my life's story over the past 10 years, I've come to this realization: God is the ultimate Judge and Author of salvation, Giver of grace and mercy, and ultimately the One who will forgive me for things I fall short of according to Him, not man.

An organization whose reputation is that of confusion, turmoil, and politics I would hope one day can sit down and analyze trends to see where they have fallen short. IMO, instead of preaching so firmly on don't do this, don't do that, I can clearly see the difference when preaching is centered around reaching out to people who have no idea where to begin. Preaching 10,000 commandments instead of the original 10 is, apparently, leaving a very bad taste in a lot of people's mouths, including my own.

This is my story, this is my song. As I said, my responses are genuine and should be taken in such fashion. Let the responses come. Hopefully, the Admins won't consider this anything other than a testimony of where God has lead me from and where He's leading me now.