Headship in the Home

[Hoovie]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

That is what I thought when I read the "church rule" thread and my neighbor's medical decision.

I've seen men just step aside and let the Pastor run their home. When this happens, this in effect just take away the God-given headship that He has appointed the husband in their home.

Sorry, but I can't in good conscience call them "men". Only the emasculated could be so weak.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Hoovie

Sorry, but I can't in good conscience call them "men". Only the emasculated could be so weak.

Maybe so...but how many men are guilty of not rocking the boat?

I know of one case where the wife was unhappy at her husband's church after they married. They were a critical bunch towards her. When the wife quit going, those folks rallied around the husband and continually patted him on the back...like "you poor saint having to put up with a "rebellious wife". He was eating it up. After she left, they gave him positions in the church that he wasn't given despite having been a faithful member of that church for over 10 years.

The Pastor told him that he should put his foot down and make his wife go to church.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

Maybe so...but how many men are guilty of not rocking the boat?

I know of one case where the wife was unhappy at her husband's church after they married. They were a critical bunch towards her. When the wife quit going, those folks rallied around the husband and continually patted him on the back...like "you poor saint having to put up with a "rebellious wife". He was eating it up. After she left, they gave him positions in the church that he wasn't given despite having been a faithful member of that church for over 10 years.

The Pastor told him that he should put his foot down and make his wife go to church.

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

Yep. And I wonder why the husband refuses to go. Could it be more than the usual cracks about the husband being "backslidden"? Could it be that the Pastor "pulls rank" and emasculates him in his own home by telling wife to keep coming even if he doesn't want her to? Should she listen to Pastor or to her husband?

[MissBrattified]

My husband has more authority than my pastor, except in two places (which really have nothing to do with my pastor):

1. My personal convictions, which are inherent to my relationship with God and between Him and me.

2. If he tells me to do something that goes against God's Word.

Now, I do realize there are some crazy people out there, but here's where it gets fuzzy:

1. Some men ask their wives to go against their personal convictions, and the woman (perhaps lacking backbone) will blame the church or the pastor, leading to unnecessary resentment between the pastor and husband.

Or

2. Women feel that it is a sin to disobey their pastor but don't feel it's a sin to disobey a non-believing husband. (For whatever reason, usually due to poor teaching). So in that case, they're choosing "God" over their husband; not necessarily "pastor" over husband, even though it comes across that way.

Some churches simply put too much emphasis on pastoral authority and not enough on a man's authority in his own home. Additionally, when the husband is an unbeliever, his authority is compromised anyway, since the whole idea of submission is wrapped up in a biblical concept in which the husband has his own part to play. If his half is missing, the submission part is VERY difficult. (Loving his wife as Christ loved the church) It isn't impossible, and Christian women should submit to their husbands whether they are Christians or not, but it's short sighted to pretend that it isn't difficult.

All that said: NO ONE tells my husband and me when we can use our bed, save God Himself (and He hasn't said anything). I will never comprehend why pastors involve themselves in stuff like that. Stick to the Word. There's plenty of material there.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I've actually seen this from the other side more often where the wife refuses to leave the church and the husband refuses to go. Funny how the concept of the husband being the head of the household is never taught when it comes to church attendance. Endless long hours of "always there when the doors are open" church.

See, this would be a problem for me, though. I believe that being faithful to assemble is obedience to God and has nothing at all to do with my pastor. If my husband told me I couldn't attend church, I would attend anyway because I believe it's disobedience to GOD to not attend. It's a deal breaker.

Obviously it's better if we attend together, so if it were just a matter of which church to attend, we should try to find one we both agree on.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

See, this would be a problem for me, though. I believe that being faithful to assemble is obedience to God and has nothing at all to do with my pastor. If my husband told me I couldn't attend church, I would attend anyway because I believe it's disobedience to GOD to not attend. It's a deal breaker.

Obviously it's better if we attend together, so if it were just a matter of which church to attend, we should try to find one we both agree on.

I guess I am not referring to a situation where the husband outright forbids the wife to go but situations where the church becomes the replacement family for the one she has at home. There was a message board where a woman went on about her unsaved husband and her marriage which was in a trouble. After she went into a bit more details it turned out that her husband was a long haul trucker and gone most of the time. In fact he was really only home weekends and maybe a couple of additional days a month, and yet she called her church family "Family" and REFUSED to give up attending ANY services. Her whole Sunday consisted of a couple of long church services and various practices in between. She thought she was WITNESSES to her husband by putting the church "Family" ahead of him. I suggested that she witness to him by actually staying home one Sunday and doing thins with him -an idea she thought was no better then selling her soul to satan.