Gay Children

[deacon blues]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I completely agree! I also think that obsessing over occasional "crossover" is not only ridiculous, but potentially harmful. I wouldn't punish my kids for behaving "butch"(aka, tomboys) or "feminine"(aka, the sensitive boy). Punishment is the wrong, wrong, WRONG approach and that's what scares me a little about the sermon--that someone might take it the wrong way and think they need to punish their kids for not being typically masculine or feminine.

My oldest daughter has loved horses her whole life, went through a phase when she refused to wear pink anything, and has always loved to fish, dig up worms and be in nature. Yes, along the way I had to encourage her to embrace her femininity along with her tomboy side, but I didn't berate her for liking "boy" things or make it a big deal that she'd rather fish than shop. Now, here she is at 16.5 and she's feminine and beautiful, embraces pink (finally!!!) and still loves her cowboy boots. The idea that I would have steered her away from her natural affinity for nature, horses and *dirt* for fear that she would be gay is appalling to me.

IMO, a father overreacting to his son liking something traditionally feminine would be a traumatic event. What if a boy loves to cook and learns to make pastry and cakes? So what? Maybe he will grow up to be a chef? How about if he DOESN'T like to hunt or kill animals? My husband HATES to hunt and when he went with my brother-in-law, he would scare the animals (rabbits, deer, whatever) away and then my BIL would angrily chase him through the woods. That doesn't make him less of a man! I love that he has stepped in and told our kids that we are to respect God's creation and that my son isn't allowed to squash frogs or torture animals just for the pleasure of it--something a lot of parents see as "typically male behavior."

Your post is fantastic. I recall reading something a LONG time ago that brought out statistics about the number of men who were gay relative to the number who had either bad relationships with their father--or no relationship at all. Interesting concept.

I wish parents would look at their kids through naked eyes, without the lens of our culture, and see them as coming into this world with God-given gifts--evidenced in their own unique personalities. Our job isn't to limit those gifts, but to discover their gifts and help them develop them.

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

yup.

[Jay]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

I completely agree! I also think that obsessing over occasional "crossover" is not only ridiculous, but potentially harmful. I wouldn't punish my kids for behaving "butch"(aka, tomboys) or "feminine"(aka, the sensitive boy). Punishment is the wrong, wrong, WRONG approach and that's what scares me a little about the sermon--that someone might take it the wrong way and think they need to punish their kids for not being typically masculine or feminine.

My oldest daughter has loved horses her whole life, went through a phase when she refused to wear pink anything, and has always loved to fish, dig up worms and be in nature. Yes, along the way I had to encourage her to embrace her femininity along with her tomboy side, but I didn't berate her for liking "boy" things or make it a big deal that she'd rather fish than shop. Now, here she is at 16.5 and she's feminine and beautiful, embraces pink (finally!!!) and still loves her cowboy boots. The idea that I would have steered her away from her natural affinity for nature, horses and *dirt* for fear that she would be gay is appalling to me.

IMO, a father overreacting to his son liking something traditionally feminine would be a traumatic event. What if a boy loves to cook and learns to make pastry and cakes? So what? Maybe he will grow up to be a chef? How about if he DOESN'T like to hunt or kill animals? My husband HATES to hunt and when he went with my brother-in-law, he would scare the animals (rabbits, deer, whatever) away and then my BIL would angrily chase him through the woods. That doesn't make him less of a man! I love that he has stepped in and told our kids that we are to respect God's creation and that my son isn't allowed to squash frogs or torture animals just for the pleasure of it--something a lot of parents see as "typically male behavior."

Your post is fantastic. I recall reading something a LONG time ago that brought out statistics about the number of men who were gay relative to the number who had either bad relationships with their father--or no relationship at all. Interesting concept.

I wish parents would look at their kids through naked eyes, without the lens of our culture, and see them as coming into this world with God-given gifts--evidenced in their own unique personalities. Our job isn't to limit those gifts, but to discover their gifts and help them develop them.

I have to agree with much of the above statements. My youngest brother and I are not hunters, although he will fish, and are more introverted. Both of us might be labeled as 'emotional', although I think it fits him more than myself.

I am given to reading, study, and thinking. I do not do things well with my hands, and my father and I only share a few strong similarities namely tastes in food, music, standards, and the preaching of the Word.

However, even with the differences, my Dad never made us feel like we were any less for being different than what the popular concept of 'masculinity' is. So we went camping, traveling, and doing things as a family, and always enjoyed our time together.

Originally Posted by deacon blues

Our sexuality is heterosexual by nature, our understanding about our sexuality is defined by our nurturing. If I am loved, given time and attention, made to feel special and affirmed and accepted and celebrated, if my self image is secure and stable, then who I am is defined by the love and nurturing I grew up with. I understand intimacy is relationship, not sexuality. Sexuality is understood as a gift from God to be shared with my spouse in the bonds of the intimacy that occurs in the marriage relationship. If I have a deficit in my mind about who I am and what I am, if I go through childhood without important intimate connections with father and/or mother, if there are yearnings for acceptance first from the most important people in my life and there is rejection and hurt and maybe abuse, and then secondly I experience rejection from my peers as I grow older, then when I am changing from head to toe, and my sexuality kicks in, it's possible I will vulnerable to believe that sexual intercourse with someone will make me "whole" and will secure the acceptance and love and intimacy I'm longing for. It may manifest itself in homosexuality, it may manifest itself in promiscuous heterosexuality. Statistics show that kids that have heterosexual sex before marriage also have similar issues at home where there is a missing component most typically with their fathers, but sometimes the mother also.

This is all true, however there are also those cases when a boy or youth is molested by a man and then has to deal with the thoughts and desires that have been brought on by the sexual activity. Also, with our schools actively promoting the gay lifestyle and encouraging students to participate in such things, it will occur that we will have to deal with those who have chosen to be gay as a willful lifestyle.