Quote:
Originally Posted by Nitehawk013
When we bought our house, one of the upstairs rooms was first designated as a play room for our son. He was 4 at the time.
This play room was a mess of messes one day and we had people coming over to see the house. So we told him he needed to clean the play room up, which he had already done when we had asked before. He said he didn't want to. His mother made it clear to him he needed to clean it. I went outside to do some work outside, and when I came back in maybe 20 minutes later, he was standing in the play room still refusing to clean it up. So I asked him what he was supposed to be doing. He said he was supposed to be cleaning. I asked why he wasn't doing it and he again said he didn't want to. So I told him clearly that he was not listening to his mother and I and that rebellion would not be tolerated. I was going out to finsih up outside and if I came back in he had better be cleaning or he was getting a spanking.
So, I come back in maybe 15 or 20 later an dhe was still just standing in the room not cleaning. I asked him why he wasn't cleaning and he said he didn't want to. I reminded him of what I said about the spanking and he sai dhe didn't want a spanking. So I told him he was getting a spanking because he was being disobediant. So he got spanked. Then I got him to stop crying so had and told him he needed to clean the room. He said he didn't want to. So I told him he needed to clean the room and that if I came back and he wasn't cleaning, he was going to get another spanking.
He did not clean, so he got the same speech and a second spanking. He STILL said he didn't want to clean and wouldn't do it. So, he was given a THIRD spanking. A few minutes after this he finally decided it was time to clean up the room.
Using our words didn't convince him to do what was asked. Threats of not getting his toys didn't. Rebellion reared up in this sweet 4 year olds heart and it was not goign to be talked down. It had to be squashed.
Since that time we have not seen anywhere near that spirit of rebellion out of him. Say what you will, but I believe it is because he learned the hard way that we would not tolerate such attitude from him and that any such attitude would be met with force.
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The difference is that your child is FOUR years old. I don't disagree with spanking a child if that is your last resort - if you've tried other tings first, which it sounds like you did. But as I said before, spanking is only effective up to a certain age. When a child is 4, their attention span is not a week long. So you can't ground them for a week. By the end of the day, they will have forgotten why they were grounded anyway. You have to consider two things when disciplining a child 1) the age and attention span of the child. and 2) the punishment should ALWAYS fit the crime.
I have done home daycare for the past 27 years. I've had times when I had a child who flat out refused to help pick up toys. The way that I have handled these situations which has worked in every single case is this:
1) I explain to the rebellious little one that if they do not do their share in picking up toys, then they will not be allowed to play with the toys for the rest of the day. Make sure they understand that clearly!
2) I give all kinds of positive remarks to the ones who are busy doing what they've been told to do, completely ignoring the one who is not helping.
3) When the others get to play again later, I make sure I am in the room and I remind them consistently that they are not allowed to touch any of the toys. They don't have to sit on a chair or anything like that. But they sure hate having to just walk around the room watching the others play and have fun.
Never had to do that twice with the same child.
But if they had continued to rebel in that way, then yes, I would have looked for more drastic measures. On the other hand, one thing I tell every parent who interviews to come here is that while I do on VERY rare occasions spank a child, it is ONLY ever because they have done something that is dangerous either for them or for another person. Otherwise, I've found that I can deal with things and actually teach them better by using non-physical means. Maybe that's just me.
But I hold firm to the stand that I would NOT lay my hands on a 15 year old. If things get that far out of hand, call Children's Services and ask for their help. They can come out and threaten to put your child in foster care (we were foster parents. I know this can happen! I've seen it work many times). There ARE other ways to discipline - much more effective ways.
Hybrid Mode
