Would You Ever Challenge Your Pastor?

[Jay]

Originally Posted by Fiyahstarter

BT,

Let me give a few case scenarios, and tell me a) IF the congregant SHOULD tell the pastor why he's leaving, and if so, b) exactly what should the congregant say.

1) Congregant attends services for 5 years, enjoys the worship and preaching (for the most part) but cannot get "on board" with what he feels is extra-biblical teachings (certain standards) ... and because cannot get "on board" is unable to participate in any part of the ministry. Feels stagnant and feels must leave the congregation to "grow."

2) Congregant attends services faithfully for several years, dutiful tithe-payer, but has reservations about how the money is being spent.

3) Congregant attends services off and on...likes to experience different services at many different churches in the area. Does not feel obligated to attend just one church; does not desire to partake in church-building ministry. Rather, follows own heart and voice of God regarding where to go and where to give (both monetarily and time).

4) Congregant attends services faithfully for many years and has watched the church come full circle (standards were eliminated; music style went from traditional to contemporary; more of a younger generation thing). No longer enjoys the services...feels is too loud and somewhat showy.

Just curious...does a pastor really want to know when these people leave just WHY they left? Or are some things better left unsaid?

As a pastor's son, let me answer your last question first. Yes, pastors do wish to know when people leave and why. We have had some who left with no notice. They were present for outreach Saturday morning and had stopped attendance before Sunday morning service. They left no notice, and would not have spoken to our pastor (my father) at all, except he sought them out to make inquiry. It is always better to give notice. It helps also to reliable in keeping the pastor informed when you are going to miss. They worry about the saints. If you do not wish to cause him extra worry, keep him updated.

1) I have never had an issue with this situation. Most pastors will accept those who live outside of the standards that are taught, but those people never become true members. If a person wishes to leave for a church with lighter standards, they should approach the pastor, tell him that they love him and his teaching (assuming that they are being honest about this), but that they are simply not happy. They should then be willing to listen politely to his response.

2) This is a very sticky situation and should be handled with delicate care. Most of the time, unless there is critical mismanagement of the funds, there is not truly a reason to become involved in the finances of the church. The should be as a rule yearly business meetings which state how much came into the church. It should also not be uncommon for a church to have something of a catch-all fund for any unusual purchases. There should not be a breaking down of how much each individual gave in that reprt. This has been done in our church, but there are always those who will not be pleased unless they are the ones in charge of the budget.

3) This person should talk to the pastor as well. As they are a rolling stone, he will not be surprised when the stone continues to roll.

4) This is another that I have never had to deal with, but I would say that it should be handled in the same manner as the individual who is leaving because the standards are 'too high'.

Above all, any time one deals with a pastor (no matter what the name they belong to) it should be done with dignity, grace, respect, and highest courtesy. They stand before God for their people, and should be accorded that honor.

[Fiyahstarter]

Thanks for the response! My personal notes will be in red.

Originally Posted by Jay

As a pastor's son, let me answer your last question first. Yes, pastors do wish to know when people leave and why. We have had some who left with no notice. They were present for outreach Saturday morning and had stopped attendance before Sunday morning service. They left no notice, and would not have spoken to our pastor (my father) at all, except he sought them out to make inquiry. It is always better to give notice. It helps also to reliable in keeping the pastor informed when you are going to miss. They worry about the saints. If you do not wish to cause him extra worry, keep him updated. I can see this if they are serving in the ministry...but does the pastor really want to know every time a saint is AWOL? How large is your church?

1) I have never had an issue with this situation. Most pastors will accept those who live outside of the standards that are taught, but those people never become true members. To me, this is a sad statement. If a person wishes to leave for a church with lighter standards, they should approach the pastor, tell him that they love him and his teaching (assuming that they are being honest about this), but that they are simply not happy. They should then be willing to listen politely to his response.

2) This is a very sticky situation and should be handled with delicate care. Most of the time, unless there is critical mismanagement of the funds, [what constitutes 'critical'? I should think ANY mismanagement is critical.] there is not truly a reason to become involved in the finances of the church. The should be as a rule yearly business meetings which state how much came into the church. It should also not be uncommon for a church to have something of a catch-all fund for any unusual purchases. There should not be a breaking down of how much each individual gave in that reprt. This has been done in our church, but there are always those who will not be pleased unless they are the ones in charge of the budget.

3) This person should talk to the pastor as well. As they are a rolling stone, he will not be surprised when the stone continues to roll.

4) This is another that I have never had to deal with, but I would say that it should be handled in the same manner as the individual who is leaving because the standards are 'too high'.

Above all, any time one deals with a pastor (no matter what the name they belong to) it should be done with dignity, grace, respect, and highest courtesy. They stand before God for their people, and should be accorded that honor.

I hope that 'dignity, grace, respect, and highest courtesy' of which you speak is a two-way street.