Advice: The Single Christian

[Esther]

Aquilla, your situation is not at all unexpected. God made us with certain desires. Some have stronger than others. And old business saying goes like this; if in doubt, don't. That will work for you more than you realize.

The relationship you are in now sounds like a nightmare getting ready to happen. I think it is only fair to the lady to let her know you are having doubts about a permament relationship. I know someone that married someone that sounds exactly like your lady that is very, very controlling. I can't imagine telling any adult who they can talk to where they can go,etc. but that seems to be the way some operate.

Everyone needs flesh and blood to touch and talk to on occassion. But the answer you are seeking I don't really have. Perhaps part of it, but not all.

I have been married longer than I have been single, and as we have gotten older we have both mellowed quite a bit. Many never thought our marriage would last. But neither of us is in any way controlling. We both had to learn to give and I had to learn to just keep my mouth shut on some opinions. I think when you live with someone for many, many years you know very well what will push their buttons.

I would hate to be single after being married for so long, but this advice I will give you free of charge; marry someone you have a friendship with more than you have a strong lust for. As you get older the latter will wain and the former will be more important to you.

[KeptByTheWord]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Aquila, go with your gut and face the feelings you are having.

If she's talking marriage and you aren't feeling it, you need to be upfront with her. And soon.

Holding on to this relationship that isn't right for you could be hindering you from finding the right person.

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Break up to tonight.

Originally Posted by rgcraig

If she acts like this now it will only get worse after she's "got you."

Originally Posted by AreYouReady?

I think this is why so many Christian marriages fail. They marry for the wrong reasons. You are right to stop and take a big breath.

Originally Posted by Esther

I would hate to be single after being married for so long, but this advice I will give you free of charge; marry someone you have a friendship with more than you have a strong lust for. As you get older the latter will wain and the former will be more important to you.

to all of the above advice! I came to this post late in the discussion... wow 9 pages already today!

Agree with all of the above quoted... plus one other thing I might say. Perhaps all your anxieties about another marriage are because you are scared of being married to this girl, deep inside.

When it is right, you will know, there will be no doubts, and like one other person said ... you won't be able to live without her... when she is right for you.

Of course, breaking off the relationship now will be tough... but it may be that you can't move on to the next adventures in your life, until you've completed this chapter. Break it off... and wait on the Lord for your next move. You've expressed wanting to be able to do that (wait on the Lord, study and pray), and this may be the Lord calling you onward to a deeper more adventuresome place in Him, and you never know, the girl of your dreams may be a part of that. Don't settle for less.

I applaud your courage and honesty in dealing with this difficult decision in such a candid way. Will be adding this situation to my daily AFF prayer list!