Advice: The Single Christian

[houston]

Aquila,

A few questions.

Is it possible that it's the idea of marriage, not the idea of marrying her that makes you feel like this?

Does she remind you of your ex in any way?

Is it possible that you are just fraid that your 2nd marriage will turn out the same as the first?

[houston]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Aquila, go with your gut and face the feelings you are having.

If she's talking marriage and you aren't feeling it, you need to be upfront with her. And soon.

Holding on to this relationship that isn't right for you could be hindering you from finding the right person.

This.

She told Berkeley (peace be upon him) not to settle for the one that he can live with, but to go after the one that he can't live without.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Aquila, go with your gut and face the feelings you are having.

If she's talking marriage and you aren't feeling it, you need to be upfront with her. And soon.

Holding on to this relationship that isn't right for you could be hindering you from finding the right person.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Cindy

It is a part of life to be tempted. And I don't think you have crossed any decency lines yet. Just be careful, if we think you have, we will tell you and edit. Okay?

Do Paul's writings help you at all?

Yes... I read what Paul wrote about singlehood... and part of me feels alive... like it wants to embark on an adventure of a life time.

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by Aquila

Yes... I read what Paul wrote about singlehood... and part of me feels alive... like it wants to embark on an adventure of a life time.

You just don't want to experience ALL of HIS experiences of his adventures.

[imreedemed]

Originally Posted by Aquila

I brought this up to a few close friends in Christ. One of them gave me a book on Grace. For me... I saw how embracing grace, for some, is the secret to living at peace with God, while also being all too human at times. Sin is sin. But sin was paid for. We can have peace with God... through the cross. Our sin was judged already. Now this isn't a license to sin... because we'll surely reap what we sow. But it does bring peace to the soul to know that when we are all too human and fall to some degree... below us are the everlasting arms.

Amen! It just goes on to show we are still walking in the flesh. If we were perfect there would be no need of a Savior. But then, like you said, it's no licence to sin. However much i struggle with my "Thorn in the flesh" i'll always find redemption on the cross, at the feet of Jesus, His Grace is always sufficient, for when i'm weak, then He is strong.

I'm seriously contemplating on serving the Lord in my singlelhood as a christian missionary in the caribbean and africa. I need your prayers folks! God bless

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by houston

Aquila,

A few questions.

Is it possible that it's the idea of marriage, not the idea of marrying her that makes you feel like this?

Does she remind you of your ex in any way?

Is it possible that you are just fraid that your 2nd marriage will turn out the same as the first?

Great questions...

Is it possible that it's the idea of marriage, not the idea of marrying her that makes you feel like this?

Both. After getting to know her I feel like it will always be a battle of wills with me surrendering because I'm the big bad man if I hold my ground. The idea of marriage... she'd have to be pretty special. Because I start to feel tense and almost like I can't breathe.

Does she remind you of your ex in any way?

Not really. This girl is very high maintenance. Everything is her way. Any television shows we watch, are hers. Anywhere we go, it has to be what she wants to do. I have no hobbies like I used to. When I tell her my thoughts and feelings, I feel like she often rewords them to make them wrong or disregards them in total and insists on what we're going to do. We've gotten into heated exchanges because I'm not the kind of guy who backs down when I believe I'm right... or if I need something. She reminds me of a spoiled princess sometimes. And I get so frustrated. I catch myself wanting to scream, "Hey there, do you see me? I exist!" I know that sounds terrible... but that's how I'm feeling.

I'd rather have some voice in things... even if I'm wrong sometimes.

Don't get me wrong... when she's happy... it's great. But if she isn't happy... it's pure Hades. And it doesn't matter if I'm happy or not.

My ex didn't treat me like that. In fact, my ex was great until she backslid. Then she made new friends and wanted an open marriage... and I tried to be understanding and encourage counseling... but no go. She wasn't entirely to blame. I know I neglected her and certainly left her psychologically exhausted with my notions of getting into ministry and my frustrations when doors weren't opening.

But to answer your question... no... this girl doesn't remind me of my ex.

Is it possible that you are just fraid that your 2nd marriage will turn out the same as the first?

I'm afraid it could be worse. But not in the cheating department. This girl is very faithful. The issue is that the battle of wills can be exhausting and linger for over a week. I feel like I've been through a grinder. And this girl is often very nice, sweet, respectful... but then she'll go beyond any bounderies I'm used to be people violating. For example, I got home from work and just wanted to relax. So we sat down, she turned on the televion and started reading a Bible devotional. Then she asked to see what I was reading and wouldn't give it back. It wasn't playful either. It was vindictive. I felt like she was treating me like a teenager. I just wanted to read. So, when she refused to be a rational adult and give it back and actually talk about what she wanted I lost it and went off and we had a bad argument. I told her that everything can't be her way. Just because I sit down doesn't mean that I'm free to do whatever she wants me to do. Sometimes the time is mine to spend the way I enjoy it. I had never felt more disrespected in my entire life.

In short... I don't think she'd cheat. But I can see a battle of wills that will ultimately end in one of us loosing total sanity with the other. Me just needing some time to do things I enjoy and being denied that time. Or her loosing it over not being able to control my every waking second.

Grrr. I'm still a little upset when I think about it.

[rgcraig]

Break up to tonight.

[rgcraig]

If she acts like this now it will only get worse after she's "got you."

[AreYouReady?]

Originally Posted by Aquila

But I know I don't want to marry just to have sex. If I don't feel pace and joy at the idea of "married life" and all the crazy drama that comes with it... I think I'm not ready.

I think this is why so many Christian marriages fail. They marry for the wrong reasons. You are right to stop and take a big breath.