Raising a Child in a Mixed-Faith Marriage

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Dichotomy Girl

So, I went to church on Sunday for the first time in...um...6 years? (I'm thinking it was 2008, possibly '09). It was a non-denominational church, you know the edgy hip (or what passes it for it in a hick town, ) type, that doctrinally I would equate to a liberal baptist.

I got the idea to go because they were raffling off all sorts of fancy prizes for Easter, and were giving a $25 grocery gift card to all first time visitors. As we are in a state of perpetual brokeness, that sounded like a good idea.

Hubby graciously agreed to go with me, and Avery (who is almost 3!) was very excited (she knows from Christmas that "church is where you go to talk about Jesus"), as this was a first for her. To be honest, that was a big draw, she is a social little thing, and see's other people so rarely, that I knew she'd love the chance to be around other kids.

I thought it went well, Avery had a blast. Josh, only made 10 sarcastic comments under his breath. And he thought it hilarious when he asked Avery "So did you talk to Jesus" and she answered "No Daddy. Jesus wasn't there. We just talked ABOUT Jesus".

But suddenly a few days later, when I mention Avery and I maybe going again, he kind of freaked out. He went on and on about her being indoctrinated, and about having her do artwork of a public execution (Jesus on the cross) and how it's all just propaganda and manipulation. And how she is going to be warped for life.

I told him that I went to a Christian Science Sunday school until 4th grade, and the only thing that I remember about it was that had carpet on the walls, and for years I thought that that was what they meant when they said "Wall-to-wall carpeting".

I then reminded him that he was raised Baptist, had no particularly bad or negative experiences, just decided that intellectually he could not accept the belief in a higher power.

I hate that there are no easy answers here. I feel like nothing will make him happy unless I completely capitulate.

I guess I'm just ranting here. But hey, I'm open for suggestions. (In the meantime, I have contact the church and am attempting to get some more information about their curriculum for 3 year olds.)

Well, Mich, our paths cross again. I went to church last Sunday, as one looking for a church, for the first time in years as well.

Okay, I only had about 3 panic attacks.

I went to a Lutheran church. I will not likely consider any charismatic or Pentecostal church to attend but I may visit for intellectual reasons.

I went by myself. I was glad to go by myself. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with. I'm glad my kids are old enough to make their own decisions.

[Timmy]

Originally Posted by ILG

Well, Mich, our paths cross again. I went to church last Sunday, as one looking for a church, for the first time in years as well.

Okay, I only had about 3 panic attacks.

I went to a Lutheran church. I will not likely consider any charismatic or Pentecostal church to attend but I may visit for intellectual reasons.

I went by myself. I was glad to go by myself. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with. I'm glad my kids are old enough to make their own decisions.

Ever been to church with Emma?

[Dichotomy Girl]

Originally Posted by Pressing-On

My husband can sometimes be annoying (lol), but we are generally on the same page in life. What advice can be given after the "public execution" comment?

I know, right? He's such a great guy, and I love him madly. In a way it's funny, because if anyone should be paranoid about churches it should be me!

Originally Posted by ILG

Well, Mich, our paths cross again. I went to church last Sunday, as one looking for a church, for the first time in years as well.

Okay, I only had about 3 panic attacks.

I went to a Lutheran church. I will not likely consider any charismatic or Pentecostal church to attend but I may visit for intellectual reasons.

I went by myself. I was glad to go by myself. I have enough of my own baggage to deal with. I'm glad my kids are old enough to make their own decisions.

Well, I confess, I took a Klonapin before going, cause I like to cover my bases. To be honest, this isn't necessarily the church I would choose if I had more choices, but the fact is, I don't.

I tried to explain to him, that there is something about standing in a room full of people, even if they are strangers who you will never talk to or ever see again, and knowing that you are all a part of something.

I was really sick the last few weeks, and Josh was great, he was so there for me, and went above and beyond. But I realized that with most of my family and friends living 900 miles away, I didn't have anyone that I could call at 8PM and say "Please, I need you, can you come?"

Plus, I work alone all day, am alone with Avery all night, and only see Josh on the weekends, it kind of sucks!

[ILG]

Well, I confess, I took a Klonapin before going, cause I like to cover my bases. To be honest, this isn't necessarily the church I would choose if I had more choices, but the fact is, I don't.

I didn't take anything before going. I have stuff in my purse just in case. The normal service time is 9:00 so I showed up then, but my heart was racing. The sign said time was changed for Easter to 10:30. Drat! An hour and a half to wait. Ugh. Can I do it?? I went home. I actually relaxed and drove back, feeling more relaxed. It was so beautiful and sunny, that helped. I walked in and said as brief a hello to everyone as possible and said to myself "Start already! I can't stand this".

The preacher stood up and told the rules for communion. He may as well have thrown a monkey wrench into my brain. My brain sputtered and clunked. Finally I said to myself "Self, he is not excluding you, don't exclude yourself!". So, I went up and formed a small kneeling circle with the rest of my near pew-mates for communion. I felt God. Then, I downed the bread and poured the little cup into my mouth quickly to let other people in. Woah! What was THAT??? Hey, that was wine, people, bona-fide WINE. Or maybe non-alcoholic fizzy grape stuff. But it popped and fizzed and almost made me go "Boy, howdy, you people have some real stuff in that thar container!"

I tried to explain to him, that there is something about standing in a room full of people, even if they are strangers who you will never talk to or ever see again, and knowing that you are all a part of something.

See, that's the thing. After so many years, feeling banished from church, banished by God for having had been a religious addict and not seeing it, I felt like God gave me permission to go. I was praying one night and telling God, "So, is that it then? I am not allowed to be a part of a group who worships God because I became a religious addict and was horrible to so many people? Can I never be a part again?" And I felt like He said I could go. It felt so good to be in that communion circle, with people who believe in God and are just there to worship him together. (After I left I realized it never once occurred to me to judge them for being trinitarian.)

I was really sick the last few weeks, and Josh was great, he was so there for me, and went above and beyond. But I realized that with most of my family and friends living 900 miles away, I didn't have anyone that I could call at 8PM and say "Please, I need you, can you come?"

Are we sisters? I have been dog sick for about 2 weeks. My husband told me he didn't want to go and I told him I didn't want him there anyway. I'm serious. This isn't about him. This is about me needing to get some things straight about myself and work through my own issues. Maybe after I get myself all straightened out, we can worry about him. Anyway, he said he wasn't opposed to going down the road sometime. He probably wants to make sure I don't turn into some religious fanatic freak so he can hold back and balance me out if that happens. Anyway, I just want to quietly worship God with people who are not exclusive.

Plus, I work alone all day, am alone with Avery all night, and only see Josh on the weekends, it kind of sucks!

Yeah, seeing your husband only on weekends would be hard!

[ILG]

Originally Posted by Timmy

Ever been to church with Emma?

No, I have never been to church with Emma. However, there is a Mennonite church not far from here and I might ask my daughter to go with me for kicks sometime.