((((<<<EARTH SHAKING NEWS>>>))))))))UPC Evangelist......

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by Esther

That is a pet peeve of mine as well, folks always "knew" but never shared they knew until AFTER the fact!

Exactly!

Originally Posted by rgcraig

Exactly!

ditto, then you think well...who are you to know and not me? He was right under my nose. Am I that spriitually dead that I can't see what is obvious?

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by bcarolb

ditto, then you think well...who are you to know and not me? He was right under my nose. Am I that spriitually dead that I can't see what is obvious?

Same as the folks that tell you that God told them something about you -- I've always felt that if God wants me to know something that he'll probably speak to me first!!!

[Coffee99]

Originally Posted by bcarolb

ditto, then you think well...who are you to know and not me? He was right under my nose. Am I that spriitually dead that I can't see what is obvious?

My father was gay. In later years, he said that he married my mother to "get over it." NO ONE had any clue until many years later. NO ONE suspected, other than my mother. He was very adept at keeping up the front. If anyone other than my mother did suspect, they never said one word because he was a vibrant personality who could charm the birds from the trees, sang so beautifully, and headed up the Sunday school dept.

It has NOTHING to do with you being spiritually dead.

I hope your daughter has a wonderful, joyous life. It took my mother years, but now I watch her laughing and happily remarried and loving her life. I see her at peace.

It leaves deep scars on the family. But time passing makes the scars less tender.

You, your daughter, your grandchildren are in my prayers.

[Thad]

Originally Posted by Coffee99

My father was gay. In later years, he said that he married my mother to "get over it." NO ONE had any clue until many years later. NO ONE suspected, other than my mother. He was very adept at keeping up the front. If anyone other than my mother did suspect, they never said one word because he was a vibrant personality who could charm the birds from the trees, sang so beautifully, and headed up the Sunday school dept.

It has NOTHING to do with you being spiritually dead.

I hope your daughter has a wonderful, joyous life. It took my mother years, but now I watch her laughing and happily remarried and loving her life. I see her at peace.

It leaves deep scars on the family. But time passing makes the scars less tender.

You, your daughter, your grandchildren are in my prayers.

your post offers a lot of hope and encouragement. I don't think it was a good idea to reveal that it was your father though

[Joseph Miller]

Originally Posted by Thad

your post offers a lot of hope and encouragement. I don't think it was a good idea to reveal that it was your father though

Nothing wrong with honesty. Also, I thought it was good that they revealed it because it let her know how close to that type of situaltion they were. It is not the perspective of an outsider but someone who has lived the same nightmare her family is in right now.

[Coffee99]

Originally Posted by Thad

your post offers a lot of hope and encouragement. I don't think it was a good idea to reveal that it was your father though

With all due respect, Thad, it is not your choice to make nor your place to judge.

The people with whom my mother and I associate and love found out years ago and it makes no difference to them about how they feel about my mother or my family - in fact, it eased many burdens for her.

My father certainly became more than happy to tell once he "found his freedom."

I've been where this family is. My mother has been where this family is. I KNOW what it's like to wonder, as one of the "children" if I'm going to be gay because he is or if I caused it and 100 other emotions and worries that you don't have a clue about, but these children will experience. I know what it's like to have serious issues in trying to trust enough to form a marital relationship because he/she might be gay. Fortunately, for these children, there is less stigma attached to them than there was when my father revealed all.

My mother knows what it is like to have the whispers and the gossip and the looks of pity and the stupid comments like if she had been a better wife, maybe she could have "cured" him. We know what it's like to doubt, to not feel like you will ever trust again, to feel betrayed, used, to feel stupid, to doubt EVERY encounter you ever had with him...

What I want this family to know, from a place of first-hand experience, is that the sun eventually shines again, it does make you stronger, you do laugh about some of this one day, and it is possible for their daughter to find a joyous marital relationship, and for the children to reach a place where they can find peace.

If it helps this family, then why should I be afraid to say it was my father. Maybe we went through it so we can help others who are in this very, very dark and troubled space.

Originally Posted by Coffee99

With all due respect, Thad, it is not your choice to make nor your place to judge.

The people with whom my mother and I associate and love found out years ago and it makes no difference to them about how they feel about my mother or my family - in fact, it eased many burdens for her.

My father certainly became more than happy to tell once he "found his freedom."

I've been where this family is. My mother has been where this family is. I KNOW what it's like to wonder, as one of the "children" if I'm going to be gay because he is or if I caused it and 100 other emotions and worries that you don't have a clue about, but these children will experience. I know what it's like to have serious issues in trying to trust enough to form a marital relationship because he/she might be gay. Fortunately, for these children, there is less stigma attached to them than there was when my father revealed all.

My mother knows what it is like to have the whispers and the gossip and the looks of pity and the stupid comments like if she had been a better wife, maybe she could have "cured" him. We know what it's like to doubt, to not feel like you will ever trust again, to feel betrayed, used, to feel stupid, to doubt EVERY encounter you ever had with him...

What I want this family to know, from a place of first-hand experience, is that the sun eventually shines again, it does make you stronger, you do laugh about some of this one day, and it is possible for their daughter to find a joyous marital relationship, and for the children to reach a place where they can find peace.

If it helps this family, then why should I be afraid to say it was my father. Maybe we went through it so we can help others who are in this very, very dark and troubled space.

I can only say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for sharing. You are right and right again. Every word. As I read your first comment and then this one that followed I felt your intensity. I felt the hurt and gammet of emotions. We have known for several months now and although it is not any more acceptable, you just begin to breathe easier. You know, without the crushing weight. Then one day it is not your first and seemingly only thought of the day and soon it is not your constant thought, until, you can go maybe 2 or 3 days at a time without thinking about it so much. What helps us is that Christian is truly repentant about the deception of the years. He apologizes everytime we talk. You have given me hope.

[Coffee99]

Originally Posted by bcarolb

I can only say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for sharing. You are right and right again. Every word. As I read your first comment and then this one that followed I felt your intensity. I felt the hurt and gammet of emotions. We have known for several months now and although it is not any more acceptable, you just begin to breathe easier. You know, without the crushing weight. Then one day it is not your first and seemingly only thought of the day and soon it is not your constant thought, until, you can go maybe 2 or 3 days at a time without thinking about it so much. What helps us is that Christian is truly repentant about the deception of the years. He apologizes everytime we talk. You have given me hope.

And, one day you will go to bed and realize you haven't though of it for a couple of months, and then you will find yourself saying, "I haven't thought about that in longer than I can remember." And that is a good place.

If it can help you, your daughter, your grandchildren, your family - then some good came from our situation. I wish these words could take away your pain right now, but I know they cannot. One day, you will pass your words from this experience to another who needs them.

In the meantime, spend time with God as He truly is a strong shelter. As a family, continue to do what you are doing - love each other dearly. Find something funny each day to have a good belly laugh - even if it is something silly. And it's ok to grieve about what is lost and what could have been if only... and it's ok to get mad about it. Just don't let yourself, your daughter or your grandchildren become bitter. I had to learn the hard way that bitterness was nothing more than me "drinking the poison hoping he would die." It, more than what your son-in-law did, does the most harm.

Give your grandchildren a hug for me - they don't need to know why. I will keep your family in my prayers.

[Thad]

Originally Posted by Coffee99

With all due respect, Thad, it is not your choice to make nor your place to judge.

The people with whom my mother and I associate and love found out years ago and it makes no difference to them about how they feel about my mother or my family - in fact, it eased many burdens for her.

My father certainly became more than happy to tell once he "found his freedom."

I've been where this family is. My mother has been where this family is. I KNOW what it's like to wonder, as one of the "children" if I'm going to be gay because he is or if I caused it and 100 other emotions and worries that you don't have a clue about, but these children will experience. I know what it's like to have serious issues in trying to trust enough to form a marital relationship because he/she might be gay. Fortunately, for these children, there is less stigma attached to them than there was when my father revealed all.

My mother knows what it is like to have the whispers and the gossip and the looks of pity and the stupid comments like if she had been a better wife, maybe she could have "cured" him. We know what it's like to doubt, to not feel like you will ever trust again, to feel betrayed, used, to feel stupid, to doubt EVERY encounter you ever had with him...

What I want this family to know, from a place of first-hand experience, is that the sun eventually shines again, it does make you stronger, you do laugh about some of this one day, and it is possible for their daughter to find a joyous marital relationship, and for the children to reach a place where they can find peace.

If it helps this family, then why should I be afraid to say it was my father. Maybe we went through it so we can help others who are in this very, very dark and troubled space.

I stand corrected coffee you had the right to express what you did. Sorry to upset you. I guess everyone has a different perspective. in other words, everyone is not as candid about immediate family issues. the most important thing, you offered sister carol encouragment. that is to commended.