Spiritual Abuse Forum???

[mizpeh]

Sarge,

Are the folks who have been abused able to get over it or do they rehash it and build up bitterness by talking about it over and over? I can understand how venting will help and talking to others who have experienced the same makes one feel less isolated but in the long run does it help? I think it is sad when some folks get stuck in that rut and never move on.

Here's some excellent advice given by Rhoni on the subject. http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...7&postcount=16

Good question, mizpeh. On the support group board we do allow venting, but we also expect people to get past that point as they heal. In other words, we do not baby people there and we have a limit to how much venting we allow. A great many do move past whatever hurt they encountered. So, in the long run, it helps a great deal to have a safe place to share, along with encouragement to move past the hurts, forgive others, and move forward in their walks with God.

For those who may be looking into registering at the support group board, we screen people pretty well. Registering does not allow you access to the board. You have to respond to a questionnaire first before membership will be considered. And we have restrictions for current members due to past problems where people only wanted access to tell people how wrong they were, were lost, and so forth. So you'll be disappointed if you try to peak at the board as it's not going to happen. The only thing you can read there is our new blog section.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by mizpeh

Sarge,

Are the folks who have been abused able to get over it or do they rehash it and build up bitterness by talking about it over and over? I can understand how venting will help and talking to others who have experienced the same makes one feel less isolated but in the long run does it help? I think it is sad when some folks get stuck in that rut and never move on.

Here's some excellent advice given by Rhoni on the subject. http://www.apostolicfriendsforum.com...7&postcount=16

In the field of conflict resolution there is the principle of "Acknowledgement." If an aggrieved party doesn't feel that the other side even understands that they have hurt someone, then the whole process will be long and drawn out- if it ever gets resolved.

The way most insitutions deal with their wounded is to say that the wounded either had it coming all along, or that while "mistakes were made" but that nobody really got hurt. This is often the real cause of resentment and bitterness, and not the original wound.

Add to this the fact that we really have no means of holding our pastors accountable, coupled with the fact that the wounded are "supposed" to keep silent: I think you can see how some things can really fester for years.

We need to shed the "infallibility and invulnerability" doctrine that we hold up for our pastors. The first people to benefit would be those selfsame pastors. We do allow enough "weasel room" on this that most Apostolics can say, "But my pastor isn't infallible..." But just challenge this same person with a purely academic challenge to his/her pastor's last sermon and see what response you get.

Officially, our pastors and preachers are not infallible nor invulnerable. But in practice, that's exactly what we make them out to be. And this will always lead to spiritual abuse.

FWIW: Rhoni seems to offer an approach where she took responsibility for her own mental health, so to speak. I don't know the circumstances, but she was genuinely hurt. How much better would her healing path have been if there were people around at the start would could say, "You know Rhoni, that must have really hurt..." But we don't tend to say things like that. Instead we say things like, "Were you behind on your tithes when that happened... you know God won't bless you if you're behind on your tithes..."

[mizpeh]

Originally Posted by pelathais

In the field of conflict resolution there is the principle of "Acknowledgement." If an aggrieved party doesn't feel that the other side even understands that they have hurt someone, then the whole process will be long and drawn out- if it ever gets resolved.

The way most insitutions deal with their wounded is to say that the wounded either had it coming all along, or that while "mistakes were made" but that nobody really got hurt. This is often the real cause of resentment and bitterness, and not the original wound.

Add to this the fact that we really have no means of holding our pastors accountable, coupled with the fact that the wounded are "supposed" to keep silent: I think you can see how some things can really fester for years.

We need to shed the "infallibility and invulnerability" doctrine that we hold up for our pastors. The first people to benefit would be those selfsame pastors. We do allow enough "weasel room" on this that most Apostolics can say, "But my pastor isn't infallible..." But just challenge this same person with a purely academic challenge to his/her pastor's last sermon and see what response you get.

Officially, our pastors and preachers are not infallible nor invulnerable. But in practice, that's exactly what we make them out to be. And this will always lead to spiritual abuse.

FWIW: Rhoni seems to offer an approach where she took responsibility for her own mental health, so to speak. I don't know the circumstances, but she was genuinely hurt. How much better would her healing path have been if there were people around at the start would could say, "You know Rhoni, that must have really hurt..." But we don't tend to say things like that. Instead we say things like, "Were you behind on your tithes when that happened... you know God won't bless you if you're behind on your tithes..."

Pel, I have the feeling that anything I say on this subject is not going to come out right or I will offend someone. Thanks for your response.

[Harmony]

I became a member of Lois site when I was first leaving the UPC. I appreciate the support and the manner in which Lois admins the board. If you are given membership access you are going to be able to share your fears your hurts etc. FOR THE PURPOSE OF HEALING!! It is not a place where you bash the UPC at all!!

I was a member for perhaps a year or so and then as I became adjusted to the outside world I didn't feel the need to go back there. It was until recently that I contacted Lois and asked for my membership to be returned. I have alot of family still in the UPC and I am still affected in a negative way by there judgmental spirits.

If is crazy to think that just because you have not had a negative experience in the UPC to play it down as if you should just: GET OVER IT!...my word, is that how your minister to those who have been physically or sexually abused? Some wounds take time to heal. If you don't have the finances to pay for a shrink then you do what you can....I am glad for her site.

Lois and the other admin have a genuine ministering spirit to help you stay on track with your relationship with God. They encourage those that show up to continue in there relationship with God. How is that a bad or negative thing? I am dissapointed in Sherri putting this on the forum without talking with Lois herself. I believe she is hard towards those who have genuinly been hurt by the UPC....

You know the more I think this thru the more peaved I am....What manner has Lois always acted on these forums? She is always above board in her spirit....